Rochdale Infirmary to Trial Office Hours

Due to severe cut backs, Rochdale Infirmary is to trial working office hours only. This is a first in the UK since the inception of the NHS. The proposal will see the busy hospital...

Grandparent babysitting for half term wonders “Is it too early for a drink?” Monday...

A grandparent who nonchalantly offered to babysit for the entire half term week has already wondered if it's too early for a drink? Granny Syllable, 67, Bristol, spoke to the Rochdale Herald’s Affordable Childcare correspondent...

Rochdale A+E under stress from record levels of chafing

A + E departments and walk in clinics are struggling to deal with thousands of cases of extreme chafing caused by the hot weather. John Welsby of Middleton was turned away from a walk in clinic...

Rochdale Clown Scare – only Danczuk

Fears that the Killer Clown Scare had found its way from the United States to Rochdale have been given a custard pie in the face today. Headteacher of Wiggingbottom Primary school in Rochdale had to...

Rochdale Herald issues cease and desist warning against The Southend News Network

The editorial department at The Rochdale Herald was in uproar this afternoon after one of the biggest names in satirical local news blatantly ripped off their ripped off meme of Jeremy Corbyn on an...

Burnley announces plans to be available in colour by 2022

Burnley Council has announced plans for town to be available in colour from 2022. Just the Town Centre will be effected initially. The announcement was made in garbled English written on the back of...

Meet the UK’s First Islamic Lollipop Lady… And it’s not what you think

Meet veteran lollipop lady Gillian Duffy. Gillian has become an institution in Rochdale and one of the country’s most decorated and experienced lollipop ladies. For more than 30 years she has worked for the council escorting children across the road and now she has a new honour, she is the UK’s first Sharia Law compliant lollipop lady

Woakes Croaks – Jokes Hoax Chokes Stokes’ Folks

It has been revealed that a story about England cricket all-rounder Ben Stokes, which was definitely not printed in the Rochdale Herald, was a complete fabrication.  The story, which intimated the Durham player had jested...

Attenborough spotted in Rochdale as folk turn primitive

Residents of Rochdale coming to terms with the swear ban are having to learn how to communicate from scratch. Restricted from their usual expletive fuelled language they have resorted to primitive forms of communication. Wildlife experts...

Yeovil MP threatens local Mum with legal action over Facebook page

Fop haired twat and Yeovil MP Marcus "doesn't respond to emails" Fysh has become embroiled in a freedom of speech row on Twitter and Facebook. Mr Fysh MP, who owns a computer and apparently a...
Socks and a tie on Rochdale man's Christmas list

Socks and a tie on Rochdale man’s Christmas list

Rochdale resident Steve Dickinson is hoping for unusual Christmas presents from his wife Barbara this year.  "I'm running really low on socks, so some of those would be great" said Steve "I could also do...

Local commuters in conversation horror near miss

One person was mortified and several others were left badly discomforted today after routine niceties at a bus stop almost ended in a conversation. The incident, which took place at around 8.15 this morning, is believed...
Plain wooden coffin

Funeral business booming thanks to Tory policy

Funeral services are enjoying an unprecedented rise in trade thanks to the reforms in disability benefits and the selling off of NHS services. Although ATOS, the company used to assess work capacity, has come under fire...

First plastic fiver in Rochdale passed around pub

Barry Noakes, a 53-year-old welder from Heywood, walked into the Regal Moon last night like he was king of the world. He strutted to the bar and ordered his pint of mild, before slowly...
Fat Man Gym

Man begins month long quest to get fit

In a determined effort, this time (yes, this time it's for real, not like the other times) Simon Lardon, single, of Sheffield, has given up beer and bacon and joined his local Sweatytynes to...

Elderly Leave voter mistakes Hovis advert for childhood memories

An elderly leave voter has been telling the Herald about his childhood and it's very similar to the Hovis advert. Roy Bader, 72, who's never been to Dorset or Yorkshire said, "When i were a...

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