Angry Man Christmas

Rochdale man disappointed he hasn’t been arrested for wishing people Merry Christmas

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A Rochdale man has been telling us that he is furious that he hasn't yet been arrested for wishing people a Merry Christmas. Bill Board, who has been to church twice in 30...

Blockbuster Video returns to Rochdale high street in post EU Britain

There were scenes of creaky jubilation on Rochdale's decaying high street as crowds celebrated the return of retail giant Blockbuster. Rochdale's elderly population had turned out en masse at the voting booths to vote against...

EU kebab ban receives chilli reception in Burnley

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The EU move to ban phosphates in donner kebabs has sent a shockwave through the British culinary world. Keith Braithwaite, local restaurateur and winner of Burnley's only certificate for food safety said "Let's face it,...

Gay traffic lights turn pavements to mince

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Transport for London have overstepped the mark by introducing gay traffic lights according to Rochdale father of two, Arthur Branesell. "Its outrageous! There's one with two women holding hands. How am I supposed to know...

New Beer Campaign Branded ‘Tasteless’

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The British Council For Drinking More Beer (BCFDMB) rolled out their latest advertising initiative, a series of billboard posters to be prominently displayed in the Rochdale area, to mixed responses this afternoon. "People simply aren't...
Tree lined street

Sheffield City Council issues injunction against Councillor for doing councillory things.

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In the increasing farrago that surrounds Sheffield City Council's efforts to denude the streets of lush, green, oxygen-providing, shade-giving trees - in the quest for straight kerbstones - the Council has resorted to issuing...

Smallbridge Flats Man Convinced Pigeon Likes to Watch him Hoover Naked

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While spending a good portion of his weekly income on the Euromillions, Mr. Garry Lee Shaw complained about the fifth or even sixth time that week that he’d seen the exact same pigeon outside...

Man in his 30’s caught using Snapchat

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32 year old office worker Damian Green from Middleton has admitted using snapchat in a desperate attempt to look "cool" and "down with the kids". It will come as a shock to many who thought...

New bay platform at Rochdale station opens

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Great news for Rochdalians! As of October there are now 4- count em! 4- platforms at the beautiful train station! The new platform - actually a half platform half bay thing: a bayform or a platay?...

Survey reveals majority of Britons ‘don’t know where Rochdale is’

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A recent survey carried out by fifth formers at the Don Estelle Academy (formerly the Cyril Smith School for Boys) in Rochdale revealed that nearly 76% of British adults do not know where Rochdale...

‘If it wasn’t for your size I’d eat you’ cat admits to owner

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An honest cat has admitted to its owner that the only reason it hasn’t eaten her is down to her relative size. The cat explained that it will gladly kill and eat just about any...

The Beckhams ditch L.A for glorious Rochdale

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Today the Herald can exclusively reveal the jaw dropping news that the world's biggest star, glamour model, fashion icon, tireless charity worker and one of the finest footballers of his generation David Beckham (and...
Burnley Teenager

Burnley schoolgirl goes whole term without getting pregnant

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The leader of Burnley council has called for calm today, after it was revealed a Burnley schoolgirl went an entire term without becoming pregnant. Eric Dingle, confirmed that the school will be put under special...
Danczuk

Simon Danczuk wins Prestigious most Tory Tweet Award 2017 Le Chatte d’Or

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Simon Danczuk has won the 2017 most Tory Tweet Award after taking to Twitter to complain about homeless beggars in Rochdale today.
Rochdale

Rochdale Good Name Besmirched By Internet Trolls

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The city of Rochdale was left reeling and in shock once again today as internet trolls took it upon themselves to deface an iconic Rochdale landmark, the 'Welcome To Rochdale' sign near to Hopwood...

Couple sentenced to five years in soft play centre for having unprotected sex

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A Yorkshire couple have received a five year suspended sentence for having unprotected sex. The sentence, which has been suspended for two years, is the 657,077th to be handed down to couples for...

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