Rochdale AFC Announce Stadium Expansion

Rochdale's Spotland stadium is set to unveil a new corporate section "with a difference" above the Willbutts Lane stand, in honour of world famous local townsperson - Bill Oddie. "Bill has seemed a bit down...

Local man feels a right twat after putting his back out in the gym

Local man Steve Dickinson (39 and a half) put his back out this morning in the gym whilst trying to get fit for a beach holiday in September. "It's been going alright, except for the...
Billboard saying "No pies"

Rochdale Nightmare Scenario As Shops Run Dry Of Pie Supply

Rochdale citizens were today warned against panic buying one of the staples of their diet. A widespread shortage of Futtock's Pies has been reported throughout the Rochdale area and up to several shoppers have...

Woman shocked everything is fine after being told everything will be fine

A Rochdale woman was surprised to learn that everything was fine despite being told by her husband "it'll be fine" 400 times a day for almost 15 years. The most recent incidence of everything working...

Rochdale’s Faringe Estate Clinches Daily Mail’s Coveted “Most Deprived Estate” Award 2016

There were jubilant scenes in Rochdale last night as tens of Faringe Estate residents gathered around makeshift bonfires and burning cars to celebrate picking up the prestigious "Shithole of the Year Award" from The...

British celts forced to admit fighting trousers no good against Roman legionaries

“The weather was our best asset.” The Society admitted. “There were voices in the early years of Roman expansion within Britannia who argued we should just hold a non-stop series of BBQ’s for the Romans until they got fed up trying to spit things in the rain and went home. It's actually how we got rid of Caesar back in BC dates.”

Greater Manchester Police hire youngest ever Special Constable

Greater Manchester Police have hired the youngest ever special Constable this week. James Cannings was sworn in by Chief Constable Rob Potts on Thursday. James Cannings (12) is said to be a little overwhelmed by...

Really clean woman furious with ‘Not OCD’ diagnosis

A local woman is said to be furious to discover that she isn't actually OCD. "I clean the floor and hoover the curtains three times a day!" Barbara Dickinson, a 47 year old bank teller...

Woman in critical condition after Ocado delivery goes right

A Rochdale woman was said to be in a stable condition after being rushed to Rochdale Infirmary this morning. An ambulance was called to the Cheetham Street home of 22-year-old Emily Sandle by the...

Spanish Armada weatherman in the drink after Michael Fish moment

“Forecasting weather in Spain is easy.” Senor Dos explained, bobbing up and down on a piece of driftwood in the English Channel. “It’s always good.”

Rochdale’s Monthly Bin Collections Hailed Success

Rochdale’s Council have declared their bi-monthly bin collections a “massive success” and a “victory for recycling” by Labour Mayor Johnny Pork.

One dead and two critical after fight over last packet of burger buns

At approximately one o'clock this afternoon emergency services were dispatched to the Cooperative convenience store in Middleton. The initial response was to investigate a report anti social behaviour. Reports since indicate that fighting had broken...

Smug Husband packs Christmas shop into fridge

A smug father of two from Bolton has taken the plaudits of his close friends and family as he managed to pack away all the Christmas shop into the family medium sized fridge/freezer combo...

Family dog doesn’t understand why you reward your children with food

Malcolm, an inner city border collie, has spoken exclusively to the Rochdale Herald and explained he does not understand why the children in his home are constantly rewarded with food. “The kids are a pain...

Fears for Missing Dog as owners reveal ‘he just wanted to know who’s a...

There are fears for the safety of a missing Rochdale Golden Retriever who is reportedly suffering an "existential crisis."

Many Muslims not rioting in streets

The Rochdale Herald learned today that almost two billion Muslims around the world went about their daily business without perpetuating a single crime, let alone a mass murder. Despite 24/7 media coverage to the contrary...

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