Thursday, December 13, 2018
Home Authors Posts by Sebastian Wiesel

Sebastian Wiesel

100 POSTS 0 COMMENTS

Kevin the Carrot beheaded by Muslims.

Popular TV carrot Kevin was among a bag of carrots snatched from the Oldham branch of Aldi by ruthless Muslim gang the 'Iqbal family'. The...

Just 126 sleeps until Xmas, says cat

A local cat, Elvis Snoogums, has spoken of his excitement as Christmas gets ever closer. Speaking exclusively to the Rochdale Herald Elvis told us, "Soon...
Crocodile does bushtucker trial on I'm a Celebrity

East goes west in latest Celebrity Bushtucker Trial

"I'm pleased to have played my part though I won't be joining camp for dinner. I'm stuffed."
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson hired to advise UKIP members on starting grooming gangs.

UKIP members are cock-a-hoop at the news that leader Gerald Batman has engaged the services of Tommy Robinson to advise on grooming gangs. "This is...
Brexit Bus

Key Brexit aim amended from ‘extra 350m a week to spend’ to ‘not many...

The new Brexit Secretary, Jeremy Rees-Gove has told hard-line Brexiteers to downplay their expectations. "It's become clear that writing something on the side of a...
Dartboard

Brexit decided by a swift round of ‘Bullseye’

It was revealed today that the Brexit deal was decided by the British government and the EC leaders taking part in an episode of...

Liberal man escapes Wetherspoons seconds before Brexit seems appealing.

A liberal man has spoken today of his horror at being seconds away from becoming a Brexiteer. Near-victim Webastian Sliesel told our reporter Sebastian Wiesel...

Wankers now the majority of the public, scientists conclude.

A newly published report shows that 55% of the British public are tossers. Professor Onan Offtherist from the Rochdale Institute of Masturbatory Studies told us...

Chequers agreement shreds itself

Michel Barnier has revealed that the sole copy of the latest version of the Chequers agreement shredded itself in his office yesterday. "I popped out...

New British Sign Language gesture devised to mean ‘Daily Telegraph reader’.

Users of British Sign Language (BSL) have adopted an addition to their vocabulary. This is a reaction to a front page article in the Daily...
UFC

Brain dead lunkhead defeats violent wanker in front of large crowd of idiots

Nearly eight brain cells were killed in a mass brawl following the Ultimate Fight Club bout between Conman McGregor and Khabab Gnawmigonadov in Las...
Theresa May (licence)

Scientists discover creature smaller than Theresa May’s credibility.

Biologists wielding enormous magnifying glasses today discovered a newt thought to be the world's smallest living thing. This infinitesimal being has been proved by scientists...
Corbyn

Sacha Baron-Cohen amazed no one has seen through his Jeremy Corbyn character

Sacha Baron-Cohen has expressed amazement that no one has twigged that he is the man behind the character 'Jeremy Corbyn'. "I wanted to play with...
Donald Trump

Only Democrats were killed by Hurricane Florence, claims Trump

Donald Trump has claimed all 12 people currently known to have died in the Carolinas as a result of Storm Florence were Democrats. "Proof that...
Unhappy Man

Thatcher stole my birthright, says man earning 100k a year

As the 40th anniversary of Margaret Thatcher's first election looms, we met Gordon Ottershaw (49) of Wetherby who maintains Thatcher stole his ability to...
Black Stig

Replacing Burqa with Stig costume fails due to ‘wrong colour Stig’

As reported yesterday, Muslim women have been on the streets in an adapted version of the burka in an attempt to integrate with middle...

Follow us

55,586FansLike
67FollowersFollow
18,423FollowersFollow
21,223FollowersFollow

Popular Posts