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Sebastian Wiesel

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Titanic

Nicky Morgan claims ‘Titanic captain should not be judged by his worst mistakes’

Nicky Morgan yesterday made a conciliatory reference to fellow Tory leadership no-hoper Michael Gove's penchant for Charlie as a naive young 31 year old...

Elderly white bloke invoking blitz spirit wins Brexit’s Got Talent

In an emotional final show, 102 year old Tommy Atkins held off challengers by singing Vera Lynn songs in a quavering voice in front...
Scientists

‘How many roads must a man walk down before he can call himself a...

Researchers have proved that the number of roads a man must walk down before you call him a man is greater than, or equal...

Burger King announce 126oz Presidential Milkshake for Trump visit

Popular scarfing establishment Burger King has announced a new super-sized 126 ounce milkshake, to be released on Jun 2nd in time for the visit...

Sheffield narcissist guilty of grooming himself on social media

A late middle-aged man from Sheffield has been found guilty of grooming himself on Facebook in what is believed to be the first case...

Wildfire at Huddersfield housing estate as family of partridges lose control of barbecue

A Huddersfield housing estate has burned to the ground after a barbecue, lit by a family of wildfowl, was left unattended. The estate of roughly...
Pigs

Brexit Party set for MEP gains. Scientists bring pig brains back from the dead

Early opinion polls show a likely overall victory for the Brexit Party in the upcoming European Parliament elections.  Scientists have restored brain activity to...

Sponsorship deal agreed for new Emirates Notre Dame Cathedral

Following the destruction of popular prayer centre Notre Dame Cathedral, the Pope and President Macron jointly announced today that the gothic edifice would be...
magistrates court

Teenager with first name ‘Giggs’ finally, inevitably, murders his father.

Giggs Johnson (17) was found guilty of murdering his father at Rochdale Court yesterday. In an unusual move the foreman of the jury addressed...

Tory leadership contest to be between Mark Francois and two slices of cheap ham.

With Theresa May's grasp on power reduced to the nail varnish on one finger, the candidates to replace her have been formally announced. Weighing in...

Mark Francois – Gammon Messiah: A Parliamentary Sketch

An hour of hilarity last night made the last three years of purgatory almost worth it. The efforts by the hardest, crustiest elements of the...

University of Life wondering where all its economics graduates came from.

The University of Life has expressed surprise at the number of people on Facebook claiming to have studied there and who are suddenly experts...
Michael Gove

Britons aghast at realisation that Brexit Bonus is Michael Gove as P.M.

Ordinary, innocent Britons, along with many who voted Leave, were faced today with the horrendous realisation that the much vaunted 'Brexit Bonus' was likely...
Theresa May

Britain invokes Dunkirk spirit of ‘running away’ as EC takes back control of Brexit.

Theresa May escaped from Brussels late last night, as a small flotilla of fishing boats each carried a tiny morsel of her shattered credibility...
Viagra

WTO confirms nations can trade with U.K. on a ‘pity fuck’ basis.

The WTO has confirmed that in the case of a no deal Brexit, member nations will be free to trade with the U.K. as...

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