Monday, October 22, 2018
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Sebastian Wiesel

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Chequers agreement shreds itself

Michel Barnier has revealed that the sole copy of the latest version of the Chequers agreement shredded itself in his office yesterday. "I popped out...
UFC

Brain dead lunkhead defeats violent wanker in front of large crowd of idiots

Nearly eight brain cells were killed in a mass brawl following the Ultimate Fight Club bout between Conman McGregor and Khabab Gnawmigonadov in Las...
Theresa May (licence)

Scientists discover creature smaller than Theresa May’s credibility.

Biologists wielding enormous magnifying glasses today discovered a newt thought to be the world's smallest living thing. This infinitesimal being has been proved by scientists...
Corbyn

Sacha Baron-Cohen amazed no one has seen through his Jeremy Corbyn character

Sacha Baron-Cohen has expressed amazement that no one has twigged that he is the man behind the character 'Jeremy Corbyn'. "I wanted to play with...
Donald Trump

Only Democrats were killed by Hurricane Florence, claims Trump

Donald Trump has claimed all 12 people currently known to have died in the Carolinas as a result of Storm Florence were Democrats. "Proof that...
Unhappy Man

Thatcher stole my birthright, says man earning 100k a year

As the 40th anniversary of Margaret Thatcher's first election looms, we met Gordon Ottershaw (49) of Wetherby who maintains Thatcher stole his ability to...
Black Stig

Replacing Burqa with Stig costume fails due to ‘wrong colour Stig’

As reported yesterday, Muslim women have been on the streets in an adapted version of the burka in an attempt to integrate with middle...
Postman

Postmen refuse to empty post boxes as ‘there could be anything in there’

Postmen across the country are refusing to open and empty letter boxes after being led to believe they could contain anything including bank robbers...
UKIP

UKIP suspends member for reading a book

A member of UKIP was today suspended when found reading a book that does not appear on UKIP's 'approved' list. The list, which includes...
John Lewis Weasel

Russia denies involvement as Springwatch ‘Favourite British Wild Animal’ poll won by the weasel.

Questions have been asked as the BBC Springwatch poll to find Britain's favourite wild animal was convincingly won by the weasel. "I have to say...
The Old Bailey

Dramatic confession as video found guilty of radio star murder

A 38 year old killing was finally resolved at the Old Bailey yesterday as Video Charles Robinson, commonly known simply as 'Video' was found...
Riot

Three dead on final day of Poundworld closing down sale

Questions are being raised following the trampling of three shoppers in riots on the final day of opening of Poundworld at Sheffield Heeley Retail...
Amber Rudd

Amber Rudd becomes Secretary at Home

Amber Rudd today denied she had resigned as Home Secretary, and claimed she had simply renegotiated the job title and specification. "I have agreed...

Pause in Sheffield tree felling as South Yorkshire Police launch raids on public trumpeters

Following the recent arrest of a woman for playing a toy trumpet at a tree felling site, and the resultant revelation that trumpeting in...

‘This isn’t some sort of police state’ says Sheffield man running police state

As he despatched six mini-buses of police officers carrying riot gear to a site where a council-paid contractor was due to fell a line...

Bacup bakery follow Delta Airlines’ lead, withdraw Britain First discount.

Following the conviction of their leaders for advanced wankery, local Britain First members today received another body blow.  In line with a recent decision...

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