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Sebastian Wiesel

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Morrissey

Charles Manson was just a bit excitable claims Morrissey

Mancunian pastry product Morrissey has upped the ante on his recent efforts to mitigate the minor fondlings of Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein by...

Local journalist creates entire article from on line forum comments.

A journalist at a Sheffield local newspaper has admitted that an entire article published in Friday's edition of the Sheffield Councilpleaser was constructed entirely...
Theresa May (licence)

Brexit date to be celebrated by New ‘May Day’ Bank Holiday.

It has been announced that as of 2019, the 29th of March will become known as 'May Day' in recognition of the glorious achievements...

Shaun Ryder and Bez involved in major undercover police anti-drugs operation

Police have released details of a massively successful anti-drugs operation conducted with the help of Shaun Ryder and Bez.As the son of a...

Belinda Carlisle vindicated as Heaven proved to be a place on Earth.

The scientific and religious worlds were in shock yesterday after a newly discovered island in a remote part of the Indian Ocean was found...
Houses of Parliament

Government exempts itself from report on racism

The Government quickly moved to exempt itself from the report released yesterday which found major inequalities on racial grounds in UK organisations. Speaking without...
Pensioners

Remain camp optimistic about outcome of second referendum following forecasts of harsh winter

Reports of a harsh winter allied with a fuel crisis has buoyed hopes of remaining part of the EC.Remain campaigner Frank Anwalther said "We...

Ben Stokes argues fighting in street a necessary part of training to tour Australia.

All-rounder and England vice-captain Ben Stokes may have put his part in England's ashes tour in jeopardy following his arrest in the early hours...

Scientists prove Morris dancing adds 10 years to your life. Britons still not interested.

Researchers at Swindon Institute of Rustic Studies have proved beyond doubt that regular Morris dancing increases longevity by 10 years.Professor Ryan Cocks, Dean...

Governor of Puerto Rico seeks Theresa May’s advice on how to rule an island...

The Governor of Puerto Rico, Jorge Aliouet sent an urgent appeal to Prime Minotaur Theresa May tonight.The island of Puerto Rico has been devastated...
Kim Jong-un

Russia and China back UN call for Kim Jong Un to be sent to...

The UN has finally received the backing of both Mummy and Daddy as Russia and China backed the call for serious punishment to be...
Neymar

‘I moved for new challenges’ says footballer now on three quarters of a million...

Brazilian bladder-hoofer Naymar Davis Junior today explained his reasons for his £200 million move from Europe's most technically skilled, most competitive national football league...
Cricket

Man with double-barrelled surname good at cricket.

MCC members expressed their delight yesterday that at long last someone with a proper surname was good at cricket."It's a shame young Toby Roland-Jones...
Michael Gove

Michael Gove is handsome and intelligent according to new YouGove poll.

A new poll by Britain's newest survey company has revealed that Michael Gove is both handsome and intelligent.The new company, YouGove, polls members of...
Old Graduate

University of Life under Ofsted investigation after turning out complete fucking idiots

Chief Ofsted inspector Mark Teachers announced today he would be launching a special investigation into the University of Life, based in Thanet.A lower-level investigation...
Man Washing Machine

Southern Rail whistleblower reveals driving a train ‘piece of piss’ compared to programming washer-dryer.

Following the furore over Philip Hammond's comments over female train drivers, The Rochdale Herald has been contacted by an employee of Southern Rail who...

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