The Rochdale Herald is proud to announce the appointment of surely-ex-by-now Telegraph columnist Allison Pearson to our staff.
“Our quest for people who can spout the most ludicrous bollocks is never ending and, in Allison, we feel we have found the most ludicrous bollocks-spouter this country has produced.” said editor James Groswiener.
“Following the ritual initiation ceremony we intend to use Allison’s extensive circle of contacts in the world of paediatrics to do an expose on young children being exposed to the risk of people posing as nurses in order to further their own shady ends. These so-called ‘paediatric nursing gangs’ represent a danger to the very fabric of society and we are confident Allison will find them out.”
“This piece will be published next Wednesday, unless it turns out to be a steaming pile of fake-news bullshittery in which case Allison will fall curiously silent on the subject.”