Blackpool

People who wanted our country back surprised to discover that it’s still here

Eurosceptic holidaymakers are swapping Corfu for Cornwall, Lanzarote for Llandudno. British travel agents report that Brits are going to UK destinations they never knew existed."We couldn't go to Paris, obvs," says Frances Horrible, "so...

Michael Gove themed garden gnomes to be stocked by Homebase

Domestic retail giant Homebase is rumoured to be about to bow to pressure from Michael Gove's employer, Rupert Murdoch, by stocking a series of garden gnomes with Gove's face.The loveable gnomes, to be nick-named...

Sex bots fears overrated as most men won’t read manual so won’t know how...

Scientists from the Rochdale Institute of Social Sciences have reassured that fears relating to sex bots are overrated because most men won't read the manual and won't know how to turn them on.Dr Pussy...

Overtired parent looking forward to grocery shopping alone for the ‘me time’

An overtired parent 'who can have your name if you like' is looking forward to going grocery shopping later without their children so they can once again experience 'me time'.The grocery expedition is largely...

Annual day of disappointment for fathers receiving crap presents

It's Father's Day and an annual day of depression for men across the nation as fathers are expected to sit, smile and feign appreciation of some truly naff presents.Particular favourites amongst unimaginative children...

Safest pub in all of Yorkshire has been named

A York pub has been named as the safest in the county. The White Hart, on Micklegate, has achieved the “zero bother” standard in the Trident - Safer Bars initiative, the highest rating in the...
Court

Ginsters Sue Ginsters over Ginsters Name

It has emerged that pastry-based, snack purveyors Ginsters have taken to the courts. They aim to prevent a social movement off-shoot from adopting their mouthwatering name.The 'Ginsters' are essentially part of the Hipster movement....
Cyclist

Man whose bike cost more than first house deposit forgotten what he was trying...

A middle aged man from Bamford is suffering from existential angst after realising his bicycle costs more than the deposit for his first house.
Man Reading Menu

Man reading menu is just going to have the burger

A Haywood man has spent the last 10 minutes reviewing each item on the menu at a Pub Bistro in Haywood only to decide to have the burger and chips.Dave Pollock of Spring lane, goes...
fox cubs

Corbyn supports hunting with dogs repeal in Government manifesto

Jeremy Corbyn has pledged to support the Conservative Party's promise to repeal the fox hunting ban.This appears to be the result of him mishearing "hunting" and believing they are intent on repealing a ban...
Calendar

Government Announces National Nothing Day.

From worthy issues such as International Women’s Day to cultural stereotypes like National Tea Day, it seems like every day is "something" Day.Just about anything you can imagine, there’s a day for it;...
Dinner party group

Cheap bottle of wine is eventually returned to original gift giver

A bottle of £3.50 red wine from Lidl, which was brought to a house warming, has finally been returned to the cheapskate couple that originally bought it.The bottle has been gifted an estimated 12...
British Homeopath

Woman raising 10k for spirtual journey advised to drop acid and go to park...

Self-titled “spiritual healer,” “life coach,” and amateur YouTuber Rebecca Gronski has started a GoFundMe page to help support her travels across the world and take on a “spiritual journey.” While many called foul on Gronski, stating that she...

Smallbridge Flats Man Convinced Pigeon Likes to Watch him Hoover Naked

While spending a good portion of his weekly income on the Euromillions, Mr. Garry Lee Shaw complained about the fifth or even sixth time that week that he’d seen the exact same pigeon outside...

Naked gym guy insists “I’m just high on life”

Reports are circulating that a middle aged man stripped stark bollock naked last night at local budget gym, LoveMuscle.Eyewitnesses claim he was beating his hairy chest with his fists and foaming at the mouth...
Woman in curlers

Rochdale Prostitutes Challenge Putin’s Claim ‘Russians are Best’

Deidre McDearie, voted Rochdale's leading lady of the night eight years' running, has challenged President Putin over his claims that Russia's call girls are the best in the world."I dunno what criteria they're using,...

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