Island hipster cafe causes uproar with coal roasted pulled puffin bap breakfast

The Island cafe in Kirkwall has hit the national news headlines today for all the wrong reasons for its coal roasted, pulled puffin bap breakfast. The unique culinary invention has been dreamed up by Steampunk...

Vegan banned from Vegetarian Club when she says quinoa “tastes like chicken”

Food plays a huge part in our lives, many of us enjoying it almost every day. Ever since rationing was no longer necessary in the UK our tastes have evolved over time, branching into new...

Children thrilled it’s only three UKIP leaders till Christmas

Have your children been counting down the days since the end of the summer holidays? Christmas is coming up fast and nobody is more excited than us here at The Rochdale Herald. The pubs are...

Scientists prove Morris dancing adds 10 years to your life. Britons still not interested.

Researchers at Swindon Institute of Rustic Studies have proved beyond doubt that regular Morris dancing increases longevity by 10 years. Professor Ryan Cocks, Dean of Jigging commented "We have conclusively demonstrated that the actions...
British Tourists

Britons still enjoy holidays abroad as long as they don’t meet foreigners

Britons have not fallen out of love with foreign holidays, according to a survey by Rochdale Community College's Leisure and Recreation Department. The survey found that the most popular summer destinations are still Spain, the...
Blackpool

People who wanted our country back surprised to discover that it’s still here

Eurosceptic holidaymakers are swapping Corfu for Cornwall, Lanzarote for Llandudno. British travel agents report that Brits are going to UK destinations they never knew existed. "We couldn't go to Paris, obvs," says Frances Horrible, "so...

Michael Gove themed garden gnomes to be stocked by Homebase

Domestic retail giant Homebase is rumoured to be about to bow to pressure from Michael Gove's employer, Rupert Murdoch, by stocking a series of garden gnomes with Gove's face. The loveable gnomes, to be nick-named...

Sex bots fears overrated as most men won’t read manual so won’t know how...

Scientists from the Rochdale Institute of Social Sciences have reassured that fears relating to sex bots are overrated because most men won't read the manual and won't know how to turn them on. Dr Pussy...

Overtired parent looking forward to grocery shopping alone for the ‘me time’

An overtired parent 'who can have your name if you like' is looking forward to going grocery shopping later without their children so they can once again experience 'me time'. The grocery expedition is largely...

Annual day of disappointment for fathers receiving crap presents

It's Father's Day and an annual day of depression for men across the nation as fathers are expected to sit, smile and feign appreciation of some truly naff presents. Particular favourites amongst unimaginative children...

Safest pub in all of Yorkshire has been named

A York pub has been named as the safest in the county. The White Hart, on Micklegate, has achieved the “zero bother” standard in the Trident - Safer Bars initiative, the highest rating in the...
Court

Ginsters Sue Ginsters over Ginsters Name

It has emerged that pastry-based, snack purveyors Ginsters have taken to the courts. They aim to prevent a social movement off-shoot from adopting their mouthwatering name. The 'Ginsters' are essentially part of the Hipster movement....
Cyclist

Man whose bike cost more than first house deposit forgotten what he was trying...

A middle aged man from Bamford is suffering from existential angst after realising his bicycle costs more than the deposit for his first house.
Man Reading Menu

Man reading menu is just going to have the burger

A Haywood man has spent the last 10 minutes reviewing each item on the menu at a Pub Bistro in Haywood only to decide to have the burger and chips. Dave Pollock of Spring lane, goes...
fox cubs

Corbyn supports hunting with dogs repeal in Government manifesto

Jeremy Corbyn has pledged to support the Conservative Party's promise to repeal the fox hunting ban. This appears to be the result of him mishearing "hunting" and believing they are intent on repealing a ban...
Calendar

Government Announces National Nothing Day.

From worthy issues such as International Women’s Day to cultural stereotypes like National Tea Day, it seems like every day is "something" Day. Just about anything you can imagine, there’s a day for it;...

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