Pensioners advised to burn BBC licence fee fines to keep warm this winter

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The government, breaking a manifesto promise, has facilitated the scrapping of the free TV license for over 75s from 2020. "My pension doesn't cover the bills and food as it is, the only thing that...

Man considering buying his wife lingerie for Christmas almost certainly shouldn’t.

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Research has found that the average bloke considering buying his wife lingerie this Christmas should probably not. "For a start, most blokes buy scarlet nylon things that no woman who already has a bloke would...

Fatties looking forward to annual visit to gym

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Treadmills and exercise bikes across the country are being reinforced and production of industrial strength lycra is at record levels as the annual rush for gym memberships is underway, only to be cancelled within...

MPs FORCED to play football in PARLIAMENT after ARROGANT ASTROTURF OPERATOR respects existing bookings

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A talented group of female footballing MPs have no choice except to train for football games in the House of Commons Starting a new football team had seemed such a good idea.  Especially one for...

Ovaltine and cats are the new clubbing

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Night clubbing has undergone a radical change in recent years. The club scene has had many different faces. From tea dances, jazz and the dancehall days of swing and the big bands through the basements...
British Homeopath

Woman raising 10k for spirtual journey advised to drop acid and go to park...

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Self-titled “spiritual healer,” “life coach,” and amateur YouTuber Rebecca Gronski has started a GoFundMe page to help support her travels across the world and take on a “spiritual journey.”  While many called foul on Gronski, stating that she...

Outrage as ban on Christmas turns out to be false

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People across the country have expressed outrage in response to the revelation that a ban on Christmas has been revealed to be false. An image of a newspaper article claiming that councils have banned Christmas...
Beautiful young woman is getting facial chocolate mask at spa. She is lying with closed eyes. The girl is smiling

Rochdale Beautician cautioned in blacking up row

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There were furious scenes in Rochdale as a local beautician was arrested on suspicion of racism after "blacking up" unsuspecting customers. Visitors to the day spa were outraged that "this sort of thing" was still...

Couple to Celebrate 20th Wedding Anniversary by Pushing Beds Together

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Local couple, Steve and Barbara Dickinson, plan to celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary by pushing their single beds together and possibly even having sex. Barbara explained to The Rochdale Herald, "we've been wondering how to...

Brexit Halloween Threat

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Preparations for the commercialisation of an ancient pagan tradition were thrown into disarray today when importers of Halloween costumes reported that due to poor value of the pound, they were unable to procure enough...

Island hipster cafe causes uproar with coal roasted pulled puffin bap breakfast

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The Island cafe in Kirkwall has hit the national news headlines today for all the wrong reasons for its coal roasted, pulled puffin bap breakfast. The unique culinary invention has been dreamed up by Steampunk...

Safest pub in all of Yorkshire has been named

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A York pub has been named as the safest in the county. The White Hart, on Micklegate, has achieved the “zero bother” standard in the Trident - Safer Bars initiative, the highest rating in the...
Boris Johnson

Foreign Office warns tourists not to travel to Iran while Boris Johnson is foreign...

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In a move that has rocked the travel industry, British holidaymakers have been banned from travelling to any destination that Boris Johnson has already visited. On Tuesday night, the Foreign Office issued a worldwide travel...

Smallbridge Flats Man Convinced Pigeon Likes to Watch him Hoover Naked

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While spending a good portion of his weekly income on the Euromillions, Mr. Garry Lee Shaw complained about the fifth or even sixth time that week that he’d seen the exact same pigeon outside...

Activity holidays not holidays – survey finds

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A survey carried out by the Herald shows Britons are increasingly of the opinion that lying by a pool in the warm sun and having a range of alcoholic beverages on tap, is by...
Calendar

Government Announces National Nothing Day.

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From worthy issues such as International Women’s Day to cultural stereotypes like National Tea Day, it seems like every day is "something" Day. Just about anything you can imagine, there’s a day for it;...

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