Tuesday, December 18, 2018
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Harry Carry

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Professional Yorkshireman!
Homeless

Government announce £100m fund to eradicate park benches and electrify shop doorways

Housing and Homeless Ministers announced a package of measures worth £100m to eradicate homelessness today. As part of the measures 4,751 park and town benches...
Scientists

Moaning about stuff easier than dealing with stuff, scientists reveal

Scientist have discovered that moaning about your problems to people is much easier than dealing them. Professor Abra Cadabra of the Universality of Rochdale concluded...

Surprise as West Ham Fan runs 50 yards on pitch without stopping for fag...

It has been crowned the greatest sporting achievement at the London Stadium since the 2012 Olympics. There was shock and surprise as a West Ham...
Rainy Day

Siberia braces itself for unseasonal British drizzle

Russian media is warning residents of Central Sibera that the usually frozen steppes will be be bit damper than Britain all week. Prisoners in Siberian...

Specialists called in after Yorkshireman with Aussie flu says “G’day mate”

A Yorkshire man has been rushed to hospital after it was suspected he had the most serious strain of the Aussie flu virus known...

Woman who tried hummus recently is now into yoga, and expanding her consciousness.

A woman who tried hummus for the first time at a party recently is now into yoga, composting and expanding her consciousness. Poppy Cox had...

Man dies of boredom after chance meeting with vegan who does CrossFit

A Rochdale man has died after being placed near a group of Gym buddies at a Christmas party. Horace Cope was rushed to hospital after...

Fatties looking forward to annual visit to gym

Treadmills and exercise bikes across the country are being reinforced and production of industrial strength lycra is at record levels as the annual rush...
Meghan and Harry

Meghan Markle nominated for Oscar for her portrayal of woman in love with Prince...

As the New Year approaches rumours are already circulating about next year's Oscar nominations. An early nomination thrown into the frame is Meghan Markle.  The...

Chris Rea spends second night in Charnock Richards Services.

Gravel-voiced guitar stalwart, Chris Rea, is still trying to get home for Christmas this year, after the 'Road to Hell' star's head gasket went...
Snow on Street

Completely expected and predictable weather causes travel disruption and chaos again

Britain prepares itself once again for total travel chaos and public service disruption, because of the completely predicable weather that is expected at this...
Burnley Teenager

Burnley schoolgirl goes whole term without getting pregnant

The leader of Burnley council has called for calm today, after it was revealed a Burnley schoolgirl went an entire term without becoming pregnant. Eric...
Water Treatment

Lancashire residents to be given counselling as water supply found to be contaminated with...

Water company United Utilities has been fined £300,000 after supplying water unfit for human consumption. Nearly a million households in Lancashire were warned they should...

Contractor used for Tory conference stage wins £2bn social housing contract.

The contractor used for the Tory conference stage set has been awarded a £2bn social housing contract. Brian Odget and Simon Carper, who have been...

Hull favourite for Turner prize for ironic depiction of City of Culture

Kingston Upon Hull has been tipped by the bookies to win the Turner Prize for Irony this year. The famed port city and its people...

Costa kicks Conte into touch

Former Chelsea Striker Diego Costa says he did not want to leave the club on bad terms, after being dragged kicking and screaming from...

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