Monday, October 22, 2018
Jack Whitehall

Jack Whitehall cast in lead role in Idris Elba biopic

Over the weekend the actor and "comedian" Jack Whitehall took to social media to address rumours that he might play Idris Elba in the upcoming Idris Elba biopic. On Sunday morning, Whitehall posted a series...

Poll proves delivering comedy through a voice synth makes it quarter of a million...

A new poll of over 2 million sofa enthusiasts has shown that British audiences find comedy funnier if delivered through a voice synthesizer. The vote demonstrated a narrow preference over camp autistic comedy, with both...

Teenager on Love Island talks b******s for 60 minutes

Television viewers were left cringing tonight by one of the contestants on hit TV show Love Island. Valerie Still said, "It was awful. They each had to pick somebody in the villa and write a...

The Verve say lack of racism due to drugs not working

Indie stalwarts, The Verve have revealed that the in inspiration for their hit song, The Drugs Don't Work, was their inability to be racist. The band made the comments following this week's admission by Roseanne...

Journalist who faked own death to replace Andrew Lincoln on The Walking Dead

Russian journalist, Arkady Babchenko, who was believed to have been murdered has turned up alive and announced he will be replacing Andrew Lincoln in, The Walking Dead. It was announced that the journalist had received...

Blank screen favourite to win Britain’s Got Talent

The blank screen caused by technical difficulties during Britain's Got Talent is now firm favourite to win. Bookies are giving the screen more favourable odds than the man who invaded the stage the other night...
Ed Sheeran

Night out at Ed Sheeran gig ruined by Ed Sheeran music

A couple has had their night out at an Ed Sheeran gig completely ruined by Ed Sheeran music. Married couple Steve and Barbara Dickinson from Rochdale were on their bi-annual night out on Thursday when...

Stevie Wonder just chooses to be blind, says Kanye West

Batshit crazy US rapper Kanye West has said that the Stevie Wonder’s blindness may be a “choice.”
Radiohead

Radiohead settle copyright spat over Remoaners’ moaning and whining

Radiohead have settled their claims that Remain voters have stolen all the moaning and whining directly from their back catalogue. Immediately after bringing an end to their saga involving Lana Del Rey, the former decent...
Old man tying shoe laces

Man who can tie his own shoelaces favourite to win Burnley’s Got Talent

Headlining the, new, ITV Spring schedule is the hit series, Burnley's Got Talent, hosted by one of the Ant and Dec twins. Described by the producers, as a laugh a minute romp through the minds...
Phil Collins

Singer-songwriter Phil Collins to release Death Metal album

Phil Collins is set to release an album of previously unheard material made up of songs classified as being from the extreme subgenre of heavy metal music. The Grammy award winning artist confirmed that...
Tommy Robinson

‘Here’s to you Tommy Robinson’ fundraising song campaigns for his release from Twitter jail

With thanks (and muted apologies) to Simon & Garfunkel But Islam's not a race, they screamed into his brown face And here's to you Tommy Robinson Mohammad loves you more than you will know Whoa,...

Michael Barrymore to present I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here

Michael Barrymore is to present the next series of, "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here". The new series will see contestants head to a remote island where they will spend three weeks living...
Ant and Dec

Ant or Dec to present Saturday Night Takeaway without Ant or Dec

Ant or Dec is going to present ITV's Saturday Night Takeaway on his or his own for the rest of this series, it has been confirmed. This Saturday's show was cancelled after Ant or Dec...

Hollywood shocked as no Fast & Furious movie released this week after star’s arrest

Hollywood bigwigs and film goers alike were left reeling by the news that the seemingly endless Fast and Furious franchise does not have a movie scheduled for release this week. Fast and Furious 167 (Barnsley...

BBC confirm David Icke to host next series of Saturday Kitchen

There was good news for truth seekers, Illuminati exposers and the generally paranoid today, as the BBC confirmed the Son of God David Icke is set to become the new host of Saturday Kitchen....

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