Sunday, December 16, 2018

Viewers hail best X Factor episode in years as sound fails

X Factor viewers are hailing last nights episode of The X Factor, the greatest episode ever after the sound failed. The still inexplicably popular show, featuring people sucking the life and soul out of once beloved songs for the...
Putin

Vladimir Putin wins Russia’s Young Gifted and Black TV show

Vladimir Putin has claimed victory in the inaugural series of new Russian TV show; Young, Gifted and Black. The final was on Saturday and saw 900m viewers across Russia tune in to see Mr...
Band

Indie rock band releases totally original angsty song about a girl

In a refreshing change of direction, Sheffield-based indie rock band Reverb Army has written an angsty song about a girl. Having teased the song at a pub gig last week, frontman Jake Bower said it's...

Bake Off viewers shocked as Paul Hollywood offers Manon Lagreve an iced finger

Great British Bake Off viewers have been taking to social media tonight in anger after Paul Hollywood offered contestant Manon Lagreve an iced finger. Bernadette Board said, "It had been a lovely episode. They'd just...
Bono

Berlin enjoys best U2 gig in years as Bono loses his voice

It's being dubbed as the greatest U2 concert ever by people who bought tickets but can't work out why. U2 played Berlin last night and had the audience in raptures as the show was ended...

Television viewers shocked to discover drama series that doesn’t involve paedophiles

Viewers of a new TV drama series have spoken of their shock at discovering that it didn't involve paedophillia at any point. Departure, a new 8 part drama series that follows the lives of a...
Idris Elba

Leaked Bond script just ninety minutes of Idris Elba’s Aston Martin being stopped by...

Latest Bond film, Stop and be Searched, shows James Bond as you have never seen him before After speculation in recent months that the next James Bond could be black or a woman, but obviously...
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson arrested outside Big Brother house for live streaming name of 1st evictee

Police were called by the bigwigs at Channel 5 today to have self proclaimed journalist and all round twat Tommy Robinson removed from outside the Big Brother household at around 6pm this evening for...
Jack Whitehall

Jack Whitehall cast in lead role in Idris Elba biopic

Over the weekend the actor and "comedian" Jack Whitehall took to social media to address rumours that he might play Idris Elba in the upcoming Idris Elba biopic. On Sunday morning, Whitehall posted a series...

Poll proves delivering comedy through a voice synth makes it quarter of a million...

A new poll of over 2 million sofa enthusiasts has shown that British audiences find comedy funnier if delivered through a voice synthesizer. The vote demonstrated a narrow preference over camp autistic comedy, with both...

Teenager on Love Island talks b******s for 60 minutes

Television viewers were left cringing tonight by one of the contestants on hit TV show Love Island. Valerie Still said, "It was awful. They each had to pick somebody in the villa and write a...

The Verve say lack of racism due to drugs not working

Indie stalwarts, The Verve have revealed that the in inspiration for their hit song, The Drugs Don't Work, was their inability to be racist. The band made the comments following this week's admission by Roseanne...

Journalist who faked own death to replace Andrew Lincoln on The Walking Dead

Russian journalist, Arkady Babchenko, who was believed to have been murdered has turned up alive and announced he will be replacing Andrew Lincoln in, The Walking Dead. It was announced that the journalist had received...

Blank screen favourite to win Britain’s Got Talent

The blank screen caused by technical difficulties during Britain's Got Talent is now firm favourite to win. Bookies are giving the screen more favourable odds than the man who invaded the stage the other night...
Ed Sheeran

Night out at Ed Sheeran gig ruined by Ed Sheeran music

A couple has had their night out at an Ed Sheeran gig completely ruined by Ed Sheeran music. Married couple Steve and Barbara Dickinson from Rochdale were on their bi-annual night out on Thursday when...

Stevie Wonder just chooses to be blind, says Kanye West

Batshit crazy US rapper Kanye West has said that the Stevie Wonder’s blindness may be a “choice.”

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