BBC confirm David Icke to host next series of Saturday Kitchen

There was good news for truth seekers, Illuminati exposers and the generally paranoid today, as the BBC confirmed the Son of God David Icke is set to become the new host of Saturday Kitchen....
Idris Elba

Idris Elba to play Jeremy Corbyn in upcoming Cold War spy thriller

Idris Elba is to be cast as Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn in a new spy thriller set during the height of The Cold War. The favourite of many to replace Daniel Craig as the next...
live band

Band at every live gig is having loads more fun than audience

According to experts who have been to gigs every band in the world is definitely having more fun than the audience. "Standing ankle deep in urine next to strangers who smell of rolling tobacco and...
Darth Vader

Ken Loach to direct next Star Wars film ‘Empire on Strike’ as gritty Northern...

Star Wars fans have been shocked by Disney's announcement that Star Wars episode IX will be directed by Ken Loach, who plans to pivot the sci-fi franchise towards gritty social realism based in a...

Spice Girls Wannapee reunion tour sponsored by Tena

Music - The world's most successful all-girl prefabricated band The Spice Girls have announced plans to reform. The quintet, featuring the newly-nicknamed Crusty Spice, Stairlift Spice, Surgicalsupporty Spice, Nicegingerbiscuit Spice and Victoria Beckham (registered trademark)...

Here’s how you can join in with The Herald’s interactive Celebrity Big Brother game

Celebrity Big Brother fans will be looking forward to tonight's triple eviction in the run up to Friday's finale. Finalists definitely making it through to Friday night's finale are Jess Impiazzi and Wayne Sleep. Housemates...

Samuel L. Jackson agrees to play Trump in upcoming biopic

It has been announced that veteran Hollywood actor Samuel L. Jackson will play Donald Trump in a biopic scheduled to be released in late 2019. The movie, provisionally titled "Oh shit, we're fucked", will...

‘Darkest Hour’ movie just two hours of Churchill shagging

Viewers have reacted with shock after the new Winston Churchill biopic, Darkest Hour, depicted Britain's former wartime Prime Minister having sex for two hours straight. The movie, which was released on 12 January in the...

‘Wiccan Masterchef’ and ‘The Sharifs Are Coming’ to head BBC’s new cultural diversity programming

Bosses at the BBC are poised to announce a list of new TV shows to better reflect the religious views of it's viewers. As announced recently, the BBC has been tasked by it's controllers...

Parents of nativity play’s King Herod unsure what this says about their parenting

A Rochdale teacher has been telling the Herald about how this year's school nativity has been dogged by endless controversy. The teacher, who asked not to be named, said "When we first announced the parts...

X distances itself from factor

For over a decade, the "talent" show that has built false hope in thousands and eroded the entertainment values of millions has been hit by wave after wave of controversy and suspicion. The...

“I did not have fap relations with my work computer” says Damien Green

The beleaguered Secretary of State is still denying accusations of downloading and viewing porn like a teen with two dicks on his office computer at work. The claims have been made by an ex...
Farage

Right wing nutjob calls right wing nutjob a right wing nutjob

Leading members of the Right Wing Nutjobs Association have been flinging accusations around willy-nilly to the amusement of 'leftie libtards' everywhere. Right wing nutjob Nigel Farage called Britain First a bunch of right wing...
Asda

Season 9 of The Walking Dead to be filmed in Burnley Asda

The Burnley Magic Lantern Club has announced that the next Season of The Walking Dead will be filmed in an Asda store in Burnley. Benny Arkwright, president of BMLC: "This will be the first non...
Lionel Richie

I’ve never danced on a ceiling, confession SHOCK

Rumours are rife about the quite tall, big-faced singing star after he has "fessed up" to not dancing on ceilings. The 80's porkie-pie uttering singer has told reporters "Look, i just made it up...

Burnley residents “Delighted” by the introduction of BBC2 in the area

BBC2 finally came to Burnley yesterday. The TV channel, which first aired to the british public in 1967, finally made its first transmition to the North England town yesterday. We asked the BBC to...

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