The BBC working on advice from Institute for Cultural Correctness has announced that the song, White Christmas is to be banned.

Spokeswoman for the perpetually offender, Rita Right-on told us, “When you analyse the lyrics you realise that it’s reinforcing white privilege. Bing Crosby is an example of a rich white man singing about dreaming of a white Christian Christmas. It denigrates the memory of the original nativity as nobody white would have been there. It’s airbrushed the contribution of other races right out of the story. This isn’t about censorship, it’s about reclaiming the Christmas story for everyone.”

Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, “What a load of rubbish. It’s a made up story for a start and an excuse to get hammered before lunchtime. I wish these people would get lost. You want to know what’s offensive? This week the UN reported about the looming threat of catastrophic climate change unless we seriously do something about it and everyone is arguing over the context of 70 year old songs.”

Rita Right-on told us, “That’s clearly an attempt at deflection. We should look at the sorts of messages Christmas Songs send. Take Mistletoe and Wine. It perpetuates the myth that Christmas should be at time of drinking dangerous levels of alcohol and eating excessive amounts of food. The other day I was in a shop and they had the Hanukkah Song on. What if a Palestinian family had been around? How would they have felt with such naked support for Israel being demonstrated?”

It’s understood that Britain has until the end of the week to submit all offensive Christmas Songs to the Institute for Cultural Correctness.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.