Southern Rail Timetable wins Man Booker Prize for fiction

The visionary author of Southern Rail's timetable, Bernard Jones, has been announced as the seventh winner of the Man Booker International Prize for fiction. The judges praised the extraordinary imagination and scope of utopian vision...
Corbyn

Corbyn’s meeting with Czech spy definitely ended The Cold War claims The Canary

The Canary has made the suprising claim that Jeremy Corbyn's meeting with a Czech spy hastened the end of the cold war. The claim was made in an editorial piece this morning. The editorial said,...

We tried to write 5 unfunny things about the Buzzfeed job cuts – What...

The state of the world is our fault 1. People like free stuff, or more precisely, things they perceive to be free. 2. News websites that set up paywalls...

Princess Diana’s ghost gives Express readers advice on how to deal with slippery driving...

The ghost of Diana, Princess of Wales, has been giving Daily Express readers advice on how to survive the cold weather. Speaking through a medium, Diana said, "You should only travel if you absolutely have...

I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Hearse

The Rochdale Herald has learned that ITV plans to make drastic changes to the format of next year's 'I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here'. The number of actual celebrities appearing in the popular reality...
Trump Tick

Twitter removes blue tick from Donald Trump’s account

In the latest shake-up to twitter's format, the website have taken to removing the ticks from people for various reasons. Hatemongers have been particularly under fire, including Tommy Robinson of the EDL, and now...
Sun Journalist

BBC releases SHOCKING photo of Sun journalist doing JOURNALISM

The BBC have released what are being termed as, "shocking" photographs of Sun newspaper journalists committing acts of journalism and accurate reporting. Stan Still said, "You can clearly see them fact checking and ensuring their...

Local journalist creates entire article from on line forum comments.

A journalist at a Sheffield local newspaper has admitted that an entire article published in Friday's edition of the Sheffield Councilpleaser was constructed entirely from the frothings of the readership on the publication's forum...

Gay Muslims for Christmas – supermarket turns up the inclusion to 11 with groundbreaking...

Pray together, lay together Scottish supermarket retailer Laldy has long sought to be a market disrupter by bringing cheap, if slightly bizarre, product, combinations. This year they might just have won the war on Christmas...

Man who once burnt a Pot Noodle looking forward to another night of shouting...

A man whose cooking skills don't extend beyond pressing the 'start' button on his microwave is looking forward to another night of shouting at 'Masterchef: The Professionals'. Gary Taylor, 36, intends to spend most of...
Tax avoidance Tax reform

Major newspapers not really committed to calling for reform of tax avoidance system for...

The readership of Britain's newspapers say they're confused that the papers aren't being more assertive in calling for tax reform. Right wing press connoisseur, Cliff Edge told us, "Usually my newspaper starts mobilising a mass...

Liberal elite should stop bullying Stalin says Daily Mail

The Daily Mail has instructed its readers to avoid the film, The Death of Stalin. In an editorial piece the Mail said, "This film is not funny. It is little more than an attack,...

Piers Morgan distraught after accidentally flushing article down the bog

He'd just logged on Vox populi Piers Morgan (yeah I used Latin, deal with it, what comic do you think you're reading, the Mail?) has been left distraught after accidentally flushing an article down the...

Reality blamed for increase of violence on television

Recent studies by a team at Oxford University have found potential links between reality and the increasing portrayal of graphic violence on TV. Many of the most popular television shows worldwide, including ratings giants The...
Kuenssberg

Laura Kuenssberg is a parrot confirm scientists analysing Twitter

The BBC’s most insightful political journalist has been discovered to be a species of parrot and awarded a delightful new name today by natural historians. Avian studies experts from the Rochdale Museum of Modern Natural...

Heroic ‘fragile snowflake’ Piers Morgan attempts to man up by sitting on a sofa

Piers Morgan will today make a daring attempt to return to doing what he does best. Sitting on his arse while regurgitating tripe about immigrants, tweeting Gary Lineker, and perving on Susannah Reid. Morgan, co-host...

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