The Canary has made the suprising claim that Jeremy Corbyn’s meeting with a Czech spy hastened the end of the cold war. The claim was made in an editorial piece this morning.
The editorial said, “Forget Glasnost, forget Reagan and Thatcher, that was a smoke screen. There was no economic stagnation at the time. As is evidenced by old copies of Pravda, the Soviet economy was buoyant. The cold war would have gone on for decades more.”
The editorial goes on to claim that Corbyn’s intervention with the Czech spy, Jan Dymic was the sole reason that the Cold War ended. “After several meetings the Soviet leadership realised that there were sympathetic people in the West. Corbyn’s phenomenonal intelligence and common sense economic arguments showed the Soviet Union that investing in ever more powerful nuclear weapons wasn’t the way to go.”
It’s also alleged that Mr Corbyn met Mikhail Gorbachev in secret in 1983. During this meeting Corbyn was able to defeat Gorbachev at chess three games to none. He did this by noticing that Gorbachev would eat Oreo’s whilst playing. When Gorbachev didn’t split an Oreo in two before a move, Corbyn had the advantage following the defeat, Gorbachev was so profoundly depressed by Corbyn’s intellectual capabilities he immediately made plans for ending the cold war.”
It’s understood that this is the second major conflict that Corbyn was key to ending. He also single-handedly defeated the IRA and there are rumours that on Christmas Eve 1988, he personally defeated a bunch of terrorists at the Nakatomi Tower in Los Angeles. It has consistently been denied by Corbyn however, The Canary has obtained secret papers that will be released on the 30th anniversary of the event later this year. The papers prove Corbyn defeated Hans Gruber’s terrorist group all on his own.
Other secret papers suggest Corbyn took Vladimir Putin on a tour of Whitehall, Faslane in Glasgow and to the RAF Finningley airshow during a good will visit in 1985.
The Herald has attempted to talk to Dymic but it’s alleged he died from gunshot wounds during a car crash several years ago.