Sunday, December 16, 2018
Lego

Proposed Irish border solution scattered Lego bricks and sign saying ‘please remove shoes’

Brexit negotiations have hit a "a real problem" over the issue of the Irish border, government sources have confirmed today. Hopes of a breakthrough were raised today when Brexit secretary, Dominic Raab, announced that a...

Chequers agreement shreds itself

Michel Barnier has revealed that the sole copy of the latest version of the Chequers agreement shredded itself in his office yesterday. "I popped out for a couple of bottles of Merlot to have with...

Having cake and eating it disappointment intensifies

A group of Rochdale toddlers are stamping their feet and crying after they were told that they cannot have their cake and eat it. The scenes were recorded at 3 year old Cliff Edge's birthday...

Nigel Farage’s reveals apocalyptic Brexit plan involves moving to Germany

Nigel Farage MP (just kidding) has revealed a Brexit Armageddon plan that involves him relocating to Germany. It's understood that should Britain exit the EU without a deal then KFC could run out of...

City of Brighton & Hove to be shortened by 1 metre after Brexit

Residents of Brighton & Hove were shocked to discover plans to shorten their city by 1 metre along it's East/West axis following Brexit. In 1972, the then Home Secretary Reginald Maudling ordered that the Sussex...

Home Office confirms that new blue UK passports will be HALAL-CERTIFIED

The Home Office has confirmed that the United Kingdom's post-Brexit passport covers will be halal-certified. The iconic Royal blue cover, which is due to be reintroduced in March 2019, is seen by many Brexit campaigners...
Blue Passport

Passports to be made in France as British firm De La Rue ruled out...

Home Office confirms Franco-Dutch firm Gemalto will make Bleu passports. Controversy struck the UK this week after a mix up at the Home Office led to British firm De La Rue losing out on the...

We’re not racist we want fewer white Polish faces too, Brexiters tell Vince...

Brexiters have taken umbrage at Vince Cable's suggestion that they'd like to see more white faces. Cliff Edge, a red man who normally speaks in capital letters and puts his ruddy complexion down to a...

Brexit a Fucking Shambles, Says John Major

Former Prime Minister and voice of reason John Major has confirmed in a speech that the ongoing government brexit negotiations are a fucking shambles. Major, not on the payroll of any of the major newspapers,...

UK’s youngest Brexit voter has died aged seventy three

We met in a small cafe in Westminster. A reporter for the Rochdale Herald and Britain's youngest Brexit supporter. Shining another glass to make the hours pass. Working every day in a cheap cafe...

Brexit Britain won’t be like Mad Max. Mad Max can afford a car

Independent research carried out by a team of so-called "experts" has backed up a comment made by the Brexit Secretary today. David "What Am I Doing?" Davis reassured the public that a post-Brexit Britain will...

Immortan Joe assures War Boys Post-Apocalyptic Desert Dystopia less chaotic than Brexit

Gas Town will not be "plunged into a Brexit style world borrowed from dystopian fiction" after the nuclear winter, Immortan Joe has said today.

Disastrous mistake warns stopping Brexit would be disastrous mistake

A disastrous mistake will warn derailing Brexit will be a disastrous mistake in a speech about a falling over in public later today. In a major Brexit speech, the human error who holds a major...
Passports

Now that passports are blue again I might get one, says 50 year old...

A fifty year old racist fuckwit has told The Rochdale Herald that he is over the moon that passports are now going to be blue again. "Now that passports are going to be blue again...
Theresa May

Brexiters puzzled to find out what Parliamentary Sovereignty actually means

Theresa May has been left with a political bloody nose after she was unable to convince enough of her own party to swallow her empty promises of giving Parliament the chance to take a...
Michael Gove

Man who treated voters as morons during Brexit confirms voters are still morons after...

Potato face Michael Gove has claimed that voters could have some impact on the Brexit deal if they so wished. Gove, who famously involved himself in the key Brexit team associated with pie-in-sky claims around...

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