May to leave dinner middle of main course and refuse to say what she’ll...

Downing Street has rushed to reassure an anxious British public today that the prime minister will leave her dinner with EU counterparts this evening in the middle of the main course and refuse to...
Chris Grayling

We can just eat cats, dogs and harvest organ meat from the poor if...

British farmers would just start rounding up household pets for meat in the event of the UK leaving the EU without a trade deal, a cabinet minister has suggested.The Transport Secretary Chris Grayling made...

David Davis reveals he’s accidentally been attending PTA meetings in Brussels and has no...

There were refreshing bursts of honesty in the ritual Brexit update today when David Davis revealed he’s only just worked out he’s been attending PTA meetings and has no idea what’s been going on...

Heath department hails compulsory organ donation as possible way to pay for Brexit

Sources inside the Department of Health this evening are said to be excited over the Secretary of State's alleged contribution to the debate about how to pay for Brexit.It's believed that by putting a...

Britons to get easy sex after Brexit as the entire world lines up to...

Good news on the prospects with Brexit this afternoon as news broke that the entire world is lining up to provide easy sex for Britons by bending us over the negotiating table and taking...

Clocks won’t go back this month due to EU ruling

The European Union and the UK Government have agreed that the UK's clocks won't go back an hour in October this year or change at until Brexit negotiations have concluded.The move comes following complaints...
Rees Mogg Farage

Britons to get easy sex after Brexit as the whole world lines up to...

Good news on the prospects with Brexit this afternoon as news broke that the entire world is lining up to provide easy sex for Britons by bending us over the negotiating table and taking...

Chinese restaurant closes after filling fortune cookies with prime minister’s slogans

A Rochdale Chinese restaurant that served bespoke fortune cookies holding the prime minister’s slogans has abruptly closed.The owner of the restaurant, 72 year old Benny Hill, was interviewed by the Herald’s Michelin Star correspondent...

Woman always repeating “no meal is better than a bad meal” went hungry last...

A woman who keeps saying “no meal is better than a bad meal” to the people she’s supposed to have dinner with went hungry last night while being at a table full of other...

Woman always repeating “no meal is better than a bad meal” now dining alone

A woman who keeps saying “no meal is better than a bad meal” to the people she’s supposed to have dinner with dined alone last night while being at a table full of other...
Blue Passport

A blue passport is an integral part of being British, says bloke who’s never...

The great victory that is Brexit has delivered old-style blue passport covers to the grateful people. Rejoicing Brits across the country have been applying in droves. The new passport promises to take Britons back...
Pensioners

Remain camp optimistic about outcome of second referendum following forecasts of harsh winter

Reports of a harsh winter allied with a fuel crisis has buoyed hopes of remaining part of the EC.Remain campaigner Frank Anwalther said "We are cock-a-hoop at the prospect of Britain being made into...

Boris Johnson says he was baked when he made cake and eat it brexit...

Foreign to the truth Secretary Boris Johnson has attempted to evade responsibility for the calamity that Brexit has become by allegedly claiming he was under the influence every time he spoke on the subject...

Dacre overjoyed as Khan hints at Brexit backdown

There are reports of loud and frenzied whooping sounds coming from the office of Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre this afternoon at the news Sadiq Khan has suggested a potential second Brexit referendum.Although the...

Corbyn stands on box labelled Schrödinger’s jobs brexit at Labour conference

The Labour conference in Brighton today will feature an entertaining diversion when national treasure Jeremy Corbyn takes to the stage and stands on a wooden box labelled Schrödinger’s Jobs Brexit, but refuses to look...

Ringmaster May’s Brexit circus will tour till 2021 unless David Davis gets eaten

It was announced last Friday that Ringmaster may’s Brexit circus will attempt to extend its world record breaking tour of Europe until 2021 unless David Davis gets eaten by a lion while in the...

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