Blitz spirit redefined as refusing to get off bus because somebody has a milkshake

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Nigel Farage has confirmed that when he or his party talk of 'the Blitz spirit' he is referring to the act of cowering on the top deck of a bus because somebody...
Houses of Parliament

Government reassures voters post-Brexit ration books will also be blue

0
The government has taken bold steps today to reassure the public after a leaked Whitechapel report detailed how the UK is likely to face food, medicine and fuel shortages after Brexit. Many experts...

Greggs announce Paris as post Brexit Euro trading base and name change to De...

0
Food supremo Greggs announced via a Rochdale Herald exclusive today that they have chosen Paris for their post Brexit trading headquarters and will soon change their name to De Gréoire. Long established as a culinary...
Rees Mogg

You lost get over it, Jacob Rees-Mogg told

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has been told to get over losing the no confidence vote in Theresa May last night. Mr Rees-Mogg heads the European Research Group which is to European research what Andrew Wakefield is to...
Passports

Now that passports are blue again I might get one, says 50 year old...

0
A fifty year old racist fuckwit has told The Rochdale Herald that he is over the moon that passports are now going to be blue again. "Now that passports are going to be blue again...

Mark Francois – Gammon Messiah: A Parliamentary Sketch

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An hour of hilarity last night made the last three years of purgatory almost worth it. The efforts by the hardest, crustiest elements of the gammon, the very crackling of Parliament, to dissuade the speaker...

‘Everybody in Scunthorpe will lose their jobs’ was on the other side of bus,...

0
Boris Johnson has taken to social media today to clear up any misunderstanding that the 66% of people who live in Scunthorpe and voted Leave may or may not have had about...
Mobility Scooter

Study finds brexit civil war would last as long as average mobility scooter battery...

0
A study of mobility scooter battery life has shown that a Brexiteer led civil war would last 9 hours. 6 if the battles were waged on a 1:8 gradient hill. Military expert, Sir Peter Tatter-Smythe-Douglas...
Boris Johnson

Boris overheard telling King Felipe of Spain ‘NO GIVO BACKO, CAPICHE’ whilst pointing at...

27
Boris Johnson has unveiled his diplomatic plan to engage with King Felipe and Queen Letizia over Brexit negotiations at a state meal. Johnson told the Herald, "The trick with the dagos is to SPEAK LOUDLY...
Sofa

David Davis and Liam Fox successfully negotiate paying full price for DFS sofa

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Liam Fox and David Davis have been telling reporters how they were able to utilise their formidable negotiating skills to buy a new sofa at full price from DFS. Davis said, "I knew when we...

London sewer found clogged with dreams of the young after government flushes future down...

17
Sewer workers in the London area of Whitechapel have reportedly found the dreams of the young decomposing in a giant blockage in the system which leads all the way back to 10 Downing Street. It's...
Lego

Proposed Irish border solution scattered Lego bricks and sign saying ‘please remove shoes’

0
Brexit negotiations have hit a "a real problem" over the issue of the Irish border, government sources have confirmed today. Hopes of a breakthrough were raised today when Brexit secretary, Dominic Raab, announced that a...
Blue Passport

Passports to be made in France as British firm De La Rue ruled out...

0
Home Office confirms Franco-Dutch firm Gemalto will make Bleu passports. Controversy struck the UK this week after a mix up at the Home Office led to British firm De La Rue losing out on the...

Patriotic Brexiteer spends £60M on Singapore homes after saving £60M in UK Corporation Tax

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Patriotic billionaire Brexiteer, Singapore resident and tax exile James Dyson has just bought a £26M bungalow in Singapore weeks after buying a Penthouse in Singapore for £43M. "Brexit is...
Jeremy Corbyn

“We can’t stop Brexit without a strong opposition”, says old hippy who keeps forgetting...

0
Jeremy Corbyn has taken time out from his busy schedule of avoiding anybody not singing, "Oh, Jeremy Corbyn" to prove he's still alive and he is in fact the opposition. Mr Corbyn appeared after definitely...
Viagra

WTO confirms nations can trade with U.K. on a ‘pity fuck’ basis.

0
The WTO has confirmed that in the case of a no deal Brexit, member nations will be free to trade with the U.K. as an economic equivalent of a sympathy shag. The unelected President of...

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