Brexit

As you stagger to the bathroom in the morning, arriving before you remember you have knees, and try to get all your strikingly yellow piss in the bowl, even though you're a woman, it's...

The Rochdale Herald has been briefed by a group of hardcore Brexit Conservative MPs who have confirmed that Brexit is actually really hard, even though they stand to inherit everything but brains. This is in...

A Rochdale man who sustained life threatening injuries after he jumped off Beachy Head has blamed his injuries on his friends not believing he could fly. Friend Martin Williams told us, "We tried to tell...

Boris Johnson has taken to social media today to clear up any misunderstanding that the 66% of people who live in Scunthorpe and voted Leave may or may not have had about Brexit. "Obviously the...

Season 6 of the failing blockbuster drama Brexiting Bad has plumbed new depths of plotting. Following episodes where lead character Boris Johnson got angry and turned into a massive green frog and the evil Dominic...

Birmingham is a modern, cosmopolitan city whose motto, Forward, sums it up perfectly. The smug, self-serving shithole that is London is the reverse. With its man-bunned hipsters vaping vapidly and gladly paying £10 for...

Rescue workers hunting through the wreckage of Theresa May's career have called off the search for the remains of her credibility. They made the announcement at 1.30pm today as she stuffed £1.5Bn in used...

Researchers at Rochdale College have found evidence that seems to show most Brexiteers cheat during family games of Monopoly. Dr Frederick Seddon told us, "We took a wide range of volunteer families from different classes,...

Liam Fox and David Davis have been telling reporters how they were able to utilise their formidable negotiating skills to buy a new sofa at full price from DFS. Davis said, "I knew when we...

Jeremy Corbyn has demanded that the Government call a General Election in order that the public can choose between his insane version of Brexit or the Governments. A spokesman for the Labour Party told us,...

A group of Rochdale toddlers are stamping their feet and crying after they were told that they cannot have their cake and eat it. The scenes were recorded at 3 year old Cliff Edge's birthday...

Independent research carried out by a team of so-called "experts" has backed up a comment made by the Brexit Secretary today. David "What Am I Doing?" Davis reassured the public that a post-Brexit Britain will...

The Office of the Prime Minister Theresa May served up a rare slice of humble pie as Ms May apologised for not personally handing deportation letters to EU nationals. Approximately one hundred long term aliens...

Boris Johnson has unveiled his diplomatic plan to engage with King Felipe and Queen Letizia over Brexit negotiations at a state meal. Johnson told the Herald, "The trick with the dagos is to SPEAK LOUDLY...

The government has taken bold steps today to reassure the public after a leaked Whitechapel report detailed how the UK is likely to face food, medicine and fuel shortages after Brexit. Many experts are now...

A Rochdale Chinese restaurant that served bespoke fortune cookies holding the prime minister’s slogans has abruptly closed. The owner of the restaurant, 72 year old Benny Hill, was interviewed by the Herald’s Michelin Star correspondent...