London celebrates first “Gammon Pride” event

Scotland Yard and the Met Police are bracing for potential violent clashes at a "Gammon Pride" event being held in London today. The event will see gammons from all over the country converge on London...

Brexiteer speaks of shock at discovering Britain is an island

Brexit Secretary Dominic Raab has been speaking of his discovery that Britain is an island today. Speaking to the media Mr Raaab said, "People have been telling me how important the ports are for trade....

UK’s youngest Brexit voter has died aged seventy three

We met in a small cafe in Westminster. A reporter for the Rochdale Herald and Britain's youngest Brexit supporter. Shining another glass to make the hours pass. Working every day in a cheap cafe...

Rescue Workers Call Off Search for Theresa May’s Credibility

Rescue workers hunting through the wreckage of Theresa May's career have called off the search for the remains of her credibility. They made the announcement at 1.30pm today as she stuffed £1.5Bn in used...
Jeremy Corbyn

“We can’t stop Brexit without a strong opposition”, says old hippy who keeps forgetting...

Jeremy Corbyn has taken time out from his busy schedule of avoiding anybody not singing, "Oh, Jeremy Corbyn" to prove he's still alive and he is in fact the opposition. Mr Corbyn appeared after definitely...

Nigel Farage’s reveals apocalyptic Brexit plan involves moving to Germany

Nigel Farage MP (just kidding) has revealed a Brexit Armageddon plan that involves him relocating to Germany. It's understood that should Britain exit the EU without a deal then KFC could run out of...

Greggs announce Paris as post Brexit Euro trading base and name change to De...

Food supremo Greggs announced via a Rochdale Herald exclusive today that they have chosen Paris for their post Brexit trading headquarters and will soon change their name to De Gréoire. Long established as a culinary...

Brexit a Fucking Shambles, Says John Major

Former Prime Minister and voice of reason John Major has confirmed in a speech that the ongoing government brexit negotiations are a fucking shambles. Major, not on the payroll of any of the major newspapers,...
David Davis

David Davis replaced as Brexit negotiator by two short planks

The government announced this morning that Chief Brexit negotiator David Davis is to be replaced by two short planks. It's believed the replacement of Mr. Davis with a pair of stout pieces of wood will...

Chequers agreement shreds itself

Michel Barnier has revealed that the sole copy of the latest version of the Chequers agreement shredded itself in his office yesterday. "I popped out for a couple of bottles of Merlot to have with...
Boris Johnson Football

Gareth Southgate fields Boris in goal for Brexit bill penalty shoot out against Merkel’s...

This morning's news that the tussle over the Brexit divorce bill will be decided with a winner takes all penalty shoot out between England and Germany has thrown the progress of Brexit into doubt. Gareth...
Passports

Now that passports are blue again I might get one, says 50 year old...

A fifty year old racist fuckwit has told The Rochdale Herald that he is over the moon that passports are now going to be blue again. "Now that passports are going to be blue again...
Angry Man Shouting

Rochdale entrepreneur fails to set up free trade agreement with Burnley

Rochdale entrepreneur Cliff Edge has been explaining to the Rochdale Herald how he tried to negotiate a free-trade deal with a supermarket in Burnley. The negotiations had arisen because, although Cliff lives in a pro-Brexit...
Businessman

Brexit means Brexit means Brexit means Brexit confirms EU Brexit negotiator

"It's taken us a week to work out just how clever you Brits are," said negotiator Hans Upp. "We thought it was just a bit stupid, like 'Banana means Banana', but at last the...
Sofa

David Davis and Liam Fox successfully negotiate paying full price for DFS sofa

Liam Fox and David Davis have been telling reporters how they were able to utilise their formidable negotiating skills to buy a new sofa at full price from DFS. Davis said, "I knew when we...

Brexit Britain won’t be like Mad Max. Mad Max can afford a car

Independent research carried out by a team of so-called "experts" has backed up a comment made by the Brexit Secretary today. David "What Am I Doing?" Davis reassured the public that a post-Brexit Britain will...

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