Jacob Rees-Mogg has been told to get over losing the no confidence vote in Theresa May last night.

Mr Rees-Mogg heads the European Research Group which is to European research what Andrew Wakefield is to medicine or the Hindenburg was to air travel. He has spent the morning telling anybody who would listen that 63% of a vote doesn’t constitute a mandate on whether Mrs May should lead the party.

Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, “He thinks that there should be another referendum on Mrs May’s leadership as 63% of the vote isn’t enough. This from a man who has been telling everyone that would listen that a 52% majority is enough to reap potential economic disaster on the country.”

He went on, “I can see how he’s a bit miffed. It was all going swimmingly well. Boris had revealed his new haircut. The kind of haircut that causes a man to think, “Never mind the bollocks coming out of his mouth. That man there is the sort of leader I can believe in. He’s had a haircut”. I expect that by now he expected to be listening to Foreign Secretary David Davis talk bollocks on Radio 4.”

In a statement Rees-Mogg said, “You have to understand that I had a better education than you. I’m better than you and know better what’s good for you. That’s why you should listen to me and do what I say unquestioningly. Well, that’s how I think Democracy works anyway.”

With that Rees-Mogg attempted to kick a passing cat.