Trump credited with restoring American faith in Bush

Donald Trump has been given credit for restoring America's faith in Bush. One Bush expert told us, "10 years ago American faith in Bush was at an all time low. It was a dramatic loss....

Trump tells California to use prostitute piss to put fires out

POTATUS has offered to use Government money to harvest the piss of some Russian prostitutes to douse the fires in California. A spokesman said, "POTATUS decidedly that he needed to do something practical to alleviate...

Trump tells California, Cut down all the trees to prevent future forest fires

POTATUS has announced that if all the trees in California were cut down then there would be no forest fires. POTATUS got the idea after discovering that there are no forest fires in Antartica. In...
Donald Trump

Trump attends Paris Armistice commemoration after hearing there is a golf course nearby

POTATUS has attended an Armistice commemoration in Paris a day after demonstrating the sort of spirit that has earned him the nickname, Cadet Bone Spurs. POTATUS failed to attend a commemoration for US war dead...
Donald Trump

Trump tells CNN all future press conferences will be held in Saudi Embassy

POTATUS has announced that he will begin to give CNN press conferences in Saudi Embassies from now on. The announcement comes as his administration complained that reporters ask too many hard questions and rarely ask...

Trump hails record amount of pussy to grab in the House of Representatives

Donald Trump has spoken of how great it is that there's now so much pussy to grab when he next visits the House of Representatives. Tweeting, POTATUS said, "Is it any coincidence that under this...

Pakistani woman sentenced to death for insulting Harry Potter

A woman in Pakistan has been sentenced to death for insulting the fictional character, Harry Potter. The woman's lawyer told us, "This woman deeply insulted Harry Potter whilst at a neighbours house. She said that Hufflepuff was...

If All the Jews had died in the Holocaust then Saturday’s massacre wouldn’t have...

POTATUS, Donald Trump attended a memorial for the victims of the Tree of Life Synagogue shooting yesterday.   After publicly stating that people should come together to heal division POTATUS met survivors and victims of the dead...
Donald Trump

Worst thing to happen in America today was my hair got wet, Trump tells...

The actual real life president of the United States of America told the Future Farmers of America Convention that the worst thing to happen in America yesterday was his hair got a bit wet. Dystopian...
Donald Trump Wig

Saudi Arabia’s handling of Khashoggi killing worst cover up ever, says completely bald man

A completely bald man who is convinced everybody thinks he has a full head of hair has criticised Saudi Arabia's handling of the killing of journalist Jamal Khashoggi, saying authorities undertook the "worst cover-up...
Donald Trump

Trump says he believes Melania’s explanation that she didn’t only marry him for his...

Donald Trump has said that he believes that Melania Trump married him for his rugged good looks, sublime conversation and attentive tenderness as a lover. POTATUS was speaking after holding one to one talks with...
Donald Trump DNA

Donald Trump: DNA test finds ‘strong evidence’ of human DNA

US President Donald Trump has revealed that a DNA test shows "strong evidence" that he is distantly related to human beings. He took the test after the Native American Democat Senator Elizabeth Warren taunted him...

All Homosexuals should be stoned, says Mike Pence

Vice President of the US, Mike Pence, has finally come out - with a statement that may shock many Republicans. President Trump joked a year ago, when referring to his deputy's stance on homosexuality, that...

Kavanaugh to celebrate Supreme Court confirmation with White House keg party

Newly-appointed Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh will celebrate his confirmation later today by throwing a massive kegger at the White House, sources have confirmed.   Kavanaugh, whose nomination was mired by allegations of drunken impropriety during his college...

Russian spies were visiting world famous Dutch ski resorts

A group of alleged Russian spies who were apprehended in Holland have said they were there learning to ski on the world famous Dutch ski slopes. In an interview on Russia today one said, "We...

Salisbury poisoning suspect revealed to be elderly arcade owner from Scooby Doo

A man who is suspected of poisoning Sergei Skripal and Yulia Skripal has had his real identity revealed by a group calling itself Mystery Inc. The group held a press conference yesterday where they revealed...

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