Donald Trump DNA

US achieves 100% employment after Twitter forced to fact check Trump tweets

Donald Trump has achieved the biggest turnaround in US unemployment figures ever after Twitter was forced to recruit fact checkers to fact check his tweets. The news comes at the end of a week that...
Toxic Sign

Trump gives a shot in the arm to 2020 Darwin Awards

President Donald Trump has thrown an unexpected and much appreciated lifeline to the 2020 Darwin Awards. The well-known website which describes itself as  a "salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who...

Donald Trump tests positive for IQ-19

Despite being the healthiest individual ever elected to the Presidency, reports are emerging that Donald Trump has tested positive for IQ-19. Harold Bornstein, Trump's former personal physician told the Herald. "I can confirm rumors that...

“I wasn’t wanking, I was self-isolating.” Paris Mayor candidate caught on video.

Benjamin Griveaux dropped out of the race to become the next Mayor of Paris after video emerged appearing to show him making love to Mrs Fist and her five lovely daughters. Monsieur Griveaux insists that...

Donald Trump appoints Doogie Howser M.D. Coronavirus Czar

POTAUS Donald Trump has announced the creation of a Coronavirus Czar charged with coordinating the US's response to Coronavirus. He revealed that Doogie Howser M.D. has been appointed. In a 5 hour rambling announcement POTATUS...

New EU regulations will require all new houses to have Toulouse

Flush from the success of Brexit, the EU Commission has been swift to demonstrate what the future looks like without a good hard Brit.  Orleans the morning of 14 February, President Macron's rallying cry...

China celebrates start of the year of the rat with a plague

China is marking the start of the year of the rat with a global plague outbreak.  As spokesman told us, "We wanted a way of celebrating that would really grab the attention. Fireworks displays and...

Melania puts down deposit on $80 million one bedroom flat in Paris

The First Lady of the US has reportedly put an undisclosed deposit down on a small one bedroom flat worth $80,000,000 in the centre of Paris earlier today. Eyebrows were raised as the news was...
Dominic Raab

Dominic Raab announces sanctions on Isle of Aran

Foreign Secretary, Dominic Raab has announced sanctions on the Isle of Aran. Mr Raaab announced the sanctions during a visit to Blackpool Tower in his Hull constituency. In a statement the Foreign Office said, "It...

King Joffrey to perform Iain Duncan Smith knighting ceremony

Joffrey I Baratheon, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm is to perform Iain Duncan Smith's Knighting ceremony. A Palace spokesman said, "The Queen...

Mary forced to give birth on stable floor after health insurance refuses to cover...

A woman that claims she's about to give birth to the son of God has told the Herald, about how she is being forced to give birth on a stable floor. Mary told us, "I...
Surprised Santa

Santa to be denied entry to U.K. under proposed points system

Santa is to be denied entry to the UK under the new points based immigration system. A Home Office spokesman told us, "The system rewards people with skills that are needed in Britain. For...

Awkward moment for Joseph as Jesus gets Ancestry UK DNA testing kit for Christmas

In what has been described as the most awkward Christmas gift ever; Jesus has been given an Ancestry UK DNA testing kit for Christmas. One onlooker said, "It was pretty awkward. I mean, Mary and...

Trump challenges Nancy Pelosi to MMA fight

In perhaps his most bizarre tweet ever Donald Trump has challenged Nancy Pelosi to a fight in the "Pentagon". On the eve of his expected impeachment Trump tweeted, "I wanna challenge Nancy Pelosi to a...

Mary and Joseph arrested for health tourism

Reports are reaching us that 2 people have been arrested in Judah on suspicion of being healthcare tourists. The pair say they are parents to the future King of Kings. A Bethlehem border guard said,...

Russia urges foreign powers not to meddle in their U.K. elections

The Russian Government has urged all nations to refrain from interfering in its UK elections. A spokesman told us, "We are very worried about other countries meddling in the UK elections. How can you trust...

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