Sunday, December 16, 2018

If All the Jews had died in the Holocaust then Saturday’s massacre wouldn’t have...

POTATUS, Donald Trump attended a memorial for the victims of the Tree of Life Synagogue shooting yesterday.   After publicly stating that people should come together to heal division POTATUS met survivors and victims of the dead...
Donald Trump

Worst thing to happen in America today was my hair got wet, Trump tells...

The actual real life president of the United States of America told the Future Farmers of America Convention that the worst thing to happen in America yesterday was his hair got a bit wet. Dystopian...
Donald Trump Wig

Saudi Arabia’s handling of Khashoggi killing worst cover up ever, says completely bald man

A completely bald man who is convinced everybody thinks he has a full head of hair has criticised Saudi Arabia's handling of the killing of journalist Jamal Khashoggi, saying authorities undertook the "worst cover-up...
Donald Trump

Trump says he believes Melania’s explanation that she didn’t only marry him for his...

Donald Trump has said that he believes that Melania Trump married him for his rugged good looks, sublime conversation and attentive tenderness as a lover. POTATUS was speaking after holding one to one talks with...
Donald Trump DNA

Donald Trump: DNA test finds ‘strong evidence’ of human DNA

US President Donald Trump has revealed that a DNA test shows "strong evidence" that he is distantly related to human beings. He took the test after the Native American Democat Senator Elizabeth Warren taunted him...

All Homosexuals should be stoned, says Mike Pence

Vice President of the US, Mike Pence, has finally come out - with a statement that may shock many Republicans. President Trump joked a year ago, when referring to his deputy's stance on homosexuality, that...

Kavanaugh to celebrate Supreme Court confirmation with White House keg party

Newly-appointed Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh will celebrate his confirmation later today by throwing a massive kegger at the White House, sources have confirmed.   Kavanaugh, whose nomination was mired by allegations of drunken impropriety during his college...

Russian spies were visiting world famous Dutch ski resorts

A group of alleged Russian spies who were apprehended in Holland have said they were there learning to ski on the world famous Dutch ski slopes. In an interview on Russia today one said, "We...

Salisbury poisoning suspect revealed to be elderly arcade owner from Scooby Doo

A man who is suspected of poisoning Sergei Skripal and Yulia Skripal has had his real identity revealed by a group calling itself Mystery Inc. The group held a press conference yesterday where they revealed...

Trump nominates Bill Cosby for US Supreme Court

Bill Cosby has been elected to the US Supreme Court after being sentenced for sex assault. Cosby, who today received a 10 year sentence for drugging and sexually assaulting a woman over a decade ago...

We always go on holiday to visit housing estates, say Russian poisoning suspects

2 Russians who are suspected to have poisoned Sergei Skripal and Yulia Skripal have told Russia Today that they always go on holiday and visit random housing estates. Despite always having the excuse that he...

ISIS claim responsibility for Windows 10 update

ISIS have released a statement taking responsibility for the latest Windows 10 update. The religious group released a statement today saying, "The recent major update of the Microsoft Windows 10 that took 6-10 hours to perform was...
Trump Airplane

Carolinians told to evacuate to avoid category 4 Trump visit

Residents of the US State of Carolina have been warned to evacuate due to the threat of a category 4 visit from Donald Trump. State Governor, Stiffney Audio Science Atlanta IV told us said, "We're currently...

Trump supporter accidentally extinguishes trainers with own tears

"Wild" Bill Board, an American protesting at an advert for trainers was unable to get his shoes to burn today because the tears he was crying kept putting them out. Bill, a man who spends an...
Theresa May

May gives Nigerian Prince sort code, account number and PIN in trade negotiations

Theresa May has given her sort code, pin number and bank account number to a Nigerian Prince she's met whilst negotiating trade. The exchange came earlier today when May met Prince Muttasim Billah Gadaffi in...
Bono

Pope meets Bono to demand he removes U2’s albums from his iTunes account

Pope Francis is to have a private audience with Bono to demand to know how to delete U2's latest album from his iTunes library. According to a Vatican official, "The Holy Father was preparing the...

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