Civilised countries don’t gas civilians, they shoot them with AR-15s bought over counter at...

The US has told a UN Security Council meeting that the recent chemical attack on Syria is completely unacceptable.  Responding to reports of an incident in Douma in which dozens of people are reported to...

Malaysian PM offers Greg Wallace out for a scrap over “crispy” rendang remark

Chef John Torode and "diner" Greg Wallace, presenters of BBC's Masterchef, managed to piss the populations of two countries off this week by criticising Malaysian-born contestant Zaleha Kadir Olpin's rendang curry because the "chicken...

Absolute arsehole Winnie Mandela dies aged 81

An absolute arsehole has died in South Africa aged 81.
Julian Assange

Julian Assange Loses Porn Privileges

Long term squatter julian Assange has lost his internet porn privileges at the Ecuadorian Embassy, where he lives in a cupboard, The Rochdale Herald has discovered. Speaking exclusively to an Embassy employee, who desperately needed...

The United States to allow Guns to be purchased from Vending Machines

United States, Washington DC - A new bill has been passed in the United States, to allow firearms to be sold from Vending Machines. The bill will take effect over the summer. This will...

Trump calls for ‘total and complete shutdown’ of dinosaurs entering US after seeing new...

Donald Trump has called for a 'total and complete shutdown' of dinosaurs entering the United States after inadvertently watching the new trailer for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. It is understood that the US President stumbled...

UN convene emergency meeting over Ant and Dec crisis

The UN is to convene an extraordinary meeting in Geneva later today to discuss the situation following events which unfolded in the UK recently. The main vote will determine on which side Declan Donnelly should...

Putin admits attack on Skripal start of ‘War on Dubstep’

After repeated denials of involvement in the Skripal affair, Vladimir Putin has finally been moved to admit it was a deliberate attack. Putin was visibly stung by UK Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson's scripted...
White House

Vladimir Putin Secures Another Term At The White House

Russian President, Vladimir Putin, won a landslide victory in last night's election which securing his place as leader of the USA. As predicted, Putin secured his place in history with a massive majority. After all...
Vladimir

Plucky underdog wins Russian Presidential election against all odds

Vladimir 'Don't call this a comeback, I've been here before' Putin has surprised not only the people but himself by winning the race to the Kremlin after capturing over 110% of the vote in...
Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin wins Russian Presidential election with 110% of the vote

Vladimir Putin will lead Russia for another six year terms after securing victory in the Russian "election" today. With almost all of the ballots counted he has received almost 110% of the vote, a shockingly...
Putin 2

Russian presidential candidates have families safely returned in wake of Putin’s re-election

The families of all seven Russian Presidential candidates have been returned safely after the totally unexpected landslide victory for Vladimir Putin. Today Vladimir Putin has succeeded in his third run for the presidency with 110%...

Trump sues porn star for breaching confidentiality agreement about affair he claims not to...

Lawyers for the actual President of the United States of America are seeking $20 million in damages from a porn star who he says broke a confidentiality agreement about an affair he claims not...
Donald Genius Trump

Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump to measure micro-willies at summit

Thin-skinned, narcissistic, alternative-reality dwelling clown Donald Trump and "Nuclear" lunatic Kim-Jong Un are to make history by meeting later in the year to engage in a micropenis dick-measuring competition, it has been confirmed. The...
Pathologist

Not being liked by Vladimir Putin IS natural causes, confirms coroner

The UK police have admitted that perhaps they had jumped to a hasty conclusion after coroners concluded that a Russian businessman who strangled himself to death and then hanged himself actually died of natural...
Putin Tillerson

Putin sacks head of US State Department Rex Tillerson

WASHINGTON - The leader of the United States, President Vladimir Putin, announced Tuesday morning that he had fired his Secretary State Rex Tillerson and installed former chicken nugget salesman and former CIA director Mike...

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