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Garda

Emergency services called after Bob Geldof disappears up his own arse

Two fire engines along with police and ambulance crews were called to the centre of Dublin after reports came in that a man had vanished up his own arse. A number of people were treated...
Francis Underwood

Fictional President held to higher standard than actual President

Fictional President of the United States Francis Underwood has been obliged to step down this week following allegations of historical sexual harassment. Whilst his Presidency has been marred by a number of controversies, FPOTUS Underwood...
Donald Trump

Trump tells CNN all future press conferences will be held in Saudi Embassy

POTATUS has announced that he will begin to give CNN press conferences in Saudi Embassies from now on. The announcement comes as his administration complained that reporters ask too many hard questions and rarely ask...

If All the Jews had died in the Holocaust then Saturday’s massacre wouldn’t have...

POTATUS, Donald Trump attended a memorial for the victims of the Tree of Life Synagogue shooting yesterday.   After publicly stating that people should come together to heal division POTATUS met survivors and victims of the dead...

Melania Trump faces criticism for wearing “Exterminate” t-shirt to Holocaust Memorial

Melania Trump is faces yet more criticism today after wearing a Dalek’s t-shirt during a visit to the Holocaust Memorial in Berlin.

First shipment of thoughts and prayers for mass shooting victims arrive in Florida

It's all better in Florida now after a much needed vital shipment of thoughts and prayers arrived in Jacksonville following today's mass shooting. "Yeah, we're crating up the thoughts and prayers from the Vegas shooting...

Trump tells California, Cut down all the trees to prevent future forest fires

POTATUS has announced that if all the trees in California were cut down then there would be no forest fires. POTATUS got the idea after discovering that there are no forest fires in Antartica. In...
trump salute

Donald Trump autobiography ‘My Struggle’ set for December release

A spokesman for Donald Trump has announced that the eagerly anticipated Trump autobiography is set for release in early December just in time for Christmas. The book, titled "My Struggle" will focus largely on his...

Trump credited with restoring American faith in Bush

Donald Trump has been given credit for restoring America's faith in Bush. One Bush expert told us, "10 years ago American faith in Bush was at an all time low. It was a dramatic loss....

Susan Boyle to sing Dead Kennedys ‘Too Drunk To F*ck’ at Trump Inauguration

In a last ditch attempt to find a "celebrity" to perform at Trump's Inauguration Scottish songstress and Britain's Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle (aka 'The Hairy Cornflake') has been approached by the president-soon-to-be's office...

Pakistani woman sentenced to death for insulting Harry Potter

A woman in Pakistan has been sentenced to death for insulting the fictional character, Harry Potter. The woman's lawyer told us, "This woman deeply insulted Harry Potter whilst at a neighbours house. She said that Hufflepuff was...
Space Rocket

Audi driver becomes first in space after tailgating Tesla into orbit

A Rochdale man has become the first Rochdale resident to go into space. Ted Skeat, 48 achieved the feat by tailgating a Tesla car on the back of a rocket Elon Musk sent into space...

Daily Mail Editor to pay Melania Trump $150m with no prospect of Happy Ending

The Editor of The Daily Mail was said to be gutted at the prospect of having to pay Melania Trump millions of dollars for insinuating she had worked as a call girl in the...
Donald Genius Trump

The ‘J’ is for Genius, confirms Donald J Trump

Washington - The actual real life President of the United States of America Donald J Trump has cleared up speculation over the weekend about what his middle name is. The leader of the free world...

Americans horrified to learn what the word ‘amendment’ means

As hillbillies, rednecks and evangelical Christian right wing crackpots continue to celebrate the last thrashings of America's hold on reality with their ongoing support for Pinochet-a-like Donald Trump as he breaks orbit from the...

Trump Team Dismiss 9 Year-Old ‘Body Swap’ Claims

A spokesperson for Donald Trump has described as “absurd” claims being made by a Wisconsin couple that the President-elect is actually their 9 year-old son.  Mike and Barbara Greenhorn told reporters that they believe the 70 year-old businessman...

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