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What’s Johnny Foreigner up to?

Despair after terrible person makes valid point

A man has been left bereft of all hope for the future after discovering that the worst person he knows might have made a great point. Steve Dickinson, 42 and a half, made...
Garda

Emergency services called after Bob Geldof disappears up his own arse

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Two fire engines along with police and ambulance crews were called to the centre of Dublin after reports came in that a man had vanished up his own arse. A number of people were treated...

Gassing orphans is wrong says woman who prefers to starve them

Theresa May's regime has roundly condemned the Assad Regime's actions in Syria by saying it was wrong to use Sarin Gas on orphaned children. "It was just wrong to use Sarin Gas to kill orphaned...

England cheated by playing better than us, says Steve Smith

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After England fought back to secure a well earned win against Australia yesterday, Australian batsman said that England "Cheated" by "Bowling really fast and batting really well" Smith who has just returned to Test Cricket...

Susan Boyle to sing Dead Kennedys ‘Too Drunk To F*ck’ at Trump Inauguration

In a last ditch attempt to find a "celebrity" to perform at Trump's Inauguration Scottish songstress and Britain's Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle (aka 'The Hairy Cornflake') has been approached by the president-soon-to-be's office...
Trump Air Force one

Donald Trump arrives in Germany and says ‘Ich bin ein Binliner’ Berlin agrees

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President Donald Trump landed in Germany Sunday morning to kick off the first leg of his 12-day trip to Europe. Trump held a surprise press conference with reporters after landing in Berlin and delivered his...
Donald Trump

Too soon since last mass shooting and not long enough before next one to...

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In the wake of the latest mass shooting in a bar in Ohio that has claimed the lives of at least 9 people The White House has released a statement saying it's "too...
Stable Genius

White House cleaners resign over ‘I’m a stable genius’ written in sh*t on Oval...

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Washington - Reports are coming in today that the White House domestic staff who are responsible for cleaning the Oval Office have resigned over working conditions. It is understood that several employees quit this morning...

Trump wears tinfoil hat to stop Obama hearing his thoughts…

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President Donald J. Trump has come up with an ingenious solution to prevent Obama from ‘spying on his thoughts’. He now wears a tinfoil hat in the White House and is equipping all his...
Fission Chips

Kim Jong Un opens Pyonyang’s first fish and chip shop ‘Fission Chips’ to critical...

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The world famous entrepreneur and basketball star, Kim Jong Un, has today opened the first fish and chip shop in North Korea. The chippy, named Fission Chips, after the rogue state’s illegal nuclear weapons programme...

Wales celebrates after spectacular 2016 Darwin Award victory

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The population of Wales has been awarded a collective 2016 Darwin Award for its staggering act of self immolation in last year's referendum on membership of the European Union, it was announced Sunday. Speaking to...
Tony Montana

Tony Montana to become new White House communications director

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Tony Montana is set to become White House communications director following the sacking of Anthony Scaramucci today. Mr Montana was last seen toting M16A1 guns and yelling, "Say hello to my little friends" before being...

I married him for rugged good looks and winning personality claims Melania Trump

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Melania Trump has gone on the record to tell the world that she married Donald Trump not for his money but his rugged good looks, winning personality and his open minded views on immigration.
Francis Underwood

Fictional President held to higher standard than actual President

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Fictional President of the United States Francis Underwood has been obliged to step down this week following allegations of historical sexual harassment. Whilst his Presidency has been marred by a number of controversies, FPOTUS Underwood...
Donald Trump

Trump tells CNN all future press conferences will be held in Saudi Embassy

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POTATUS has announced that he will begin to give CNN press conferences in Saudi Embassies from now on. The announcement comes as his administration complained that reporters ask too many hard questions and rarely ask...

Short range nuclear missiles made available to American public in bid to reduce gun...

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Following a series of atrocities in the United States over the weekend in which more than twenty five members of the public were shot and killed the government has announced dramatic reforms...

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