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Trump’s Wall to be Made Out of Thoughts and Prayers

The latest twist in the ongoing farcical shitshow that is the US President's attempt to build an completely pointless wall simply because he said he would, in order to trick idiots into voting for...

Susan Boyle to sing Dead Kennedys ‘Too Drunk To F*ck’ at Trump Inauguration

In a last ditch attempt to find a "celebrity" to perform at Trump's Inauguration Scottish songstress and Britain's Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle (aka 'The Hairy Cornflake') has been approached by the president-soon-to-be's office...

Trump rally cancels book burning as supporters have no books to burn

Plans for an official book burning at a Trump rally in Bumshart California had to be scrapped yesterday after it emerged Trump supporters in the state own no books. The book bonfire was to be...

Wales celebrates after spectacular 2016 Darwin Award victory

The population of Wales has been awarded a collective 2016 Darwin Award for its staggering act of self immolation in last year's referendum on membership of the European Union, it was announced Sunday. Speaking to...

ISIS claim responsibility for Windows 10 update

ISIS have released a statement taking responsibility for the latest Windows 10 update. The religious group released a statement today saying, "The recent major update of the Microsoft Windows 10 that took 6-10 hours to perform was...

Gassing orphans is wrong says woman who prefers to starve them

Theresa May's regime has roundly condemned the Assad Regime's actions in Syria by saying it was wrong to use Sarin Gas on orphaned children. "It was just wrong to use Sarin Gas to kill orphaned...

Saudi woman celebrates being able to drive to friends stoning

A Saudi woman has been telling the Rochdale Herald how she's looking forward to being allowed to drive to the stoning of a woman for adultery for the first time next week. Fatima Hummus told...

Emergency ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ cabinets to be installed in every American classroom by 2020

The US Department of Education has revealed plans to install emergency 'Thoughts and Prayers' cabinets in every school classroom by the year 2020. The announcement comes just hours after another lunatic with an assault rifle...

Just £3 a month will pay for cocaine and child prostitutes for an Oxfam...

A new fundraising campaign from Oxfam appealing to the better nature of child abusers is asking for just £3 a month to pay for drugs and sex with children for Aid workers. "Obviously our paedophiles...

Trump University launches alternative science course

Donald Trump has announced the launch of a new science course that will be taught at Trump University from September. The course will feature subject matter not covered in more traditional science courses and will be aimed...
Fission Chips

Kim Jong Un opens Pyonyang’s first fish and chip shop ‘Fission Chips’ to critical...

The world famous entrepreneur and basketball star, Kim Jong Un, has today opened the first fish and chip shop in North Korea. The chippy, named Fission Chips, after the rogue state’s illegal nuclear weapons programme...

Melania Trump faces criticism for wearing “Exterminate” t-shirt to Holocaust Memorial

Melania Trump is faces yet more criticism today after wearing a Dalek’s t-shirt during a visit to the Holocaust Memorial in Berlin.

Trump Team Dismiss 9 Year-Old ‘Body Swap’ Claims

A spokesperson for Donald Trump has described as “absurd” claims being made by a Wisconsin couple that the President-elect is actually their 9 year-old son.  Mike and Barbara Greenhorn told reporters that they believe the 70 year-old businessman...
Trump Idiotic

Book criticising Trump to be boycotted by people who have never bought a book.

There is growing support among Republican voters for a nationwide boycott of the book 'Fire and Fury' which contains several damaging claims about President Trump. It is estimated that millions of Republicans, representing approximately 0.01%...
Gaza

Israel celebrates Eurovision win by bombing Gaza strip

Israel has celebrated winning the Eurovision song contest with a massive aerial bombardment of the Gaza Strip and shooting dead some Palestinian civilians. Nine Palestinian civilians were shot dead in clashes between Palestine and heavily...

Trump nominates Bill Cosby for US Supreme Court

Bill Cosby has been elected to the US Supreme Court after being sentenced for sex assault. Cosby, who today received a 10 year sentence for drugging and sexually assaulting a woman over a decade ago...

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