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50 migrants in canoes rescued off Kent coast forced to return to UK

A search and rescue operation has recovered 50 migrants off the Kent coast, the Home Office has said. As spokesman said the Border Force had dealt with four small boat incidents between 4am and 7am...

First shipment of thoughts and prayers for mass shooting victims arrive in California

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It's all better in California now after a much needed vital shipment of thoughts and prayers arrived in Gilroy following today's mass shooting. "Yeah, we're crating up the thoughts and prayers from the Jacksonville shooting...
Space Rocket

Audi driver becomes first in space after tailgating Tesla into orbit

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A Rochdale man has become the first Rochdale resident to go into space. Ted Skeat, 48 achieved the feat by tailgating a Tesla car on the back of a rocket Elon Musk sent into space...

Barack Obama to narrate Audible version of Fire and Fury

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Barack Obama is to narrate the Audible version of US best-selling book, Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House. It's alleged that Mr Obama beat off stiff competition from Bill Clinton to land the...

?Kim Jong Un invents universal cure

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The secretive state of North Korea has managed to cure most illnesses from the common cold to cancer, it has been revealed. Ishit Yu Not, a 33-year-old North Korean doctor with a gun to his...
Trump Baby

Trump eats baby in front of mother during rally

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Donald Trump hit a new low today by disembowelling a newborn baby and eating her still beating heart like an apple after she interrupted him during a speech at a rally. The esteemed political philosopher...

Outrage as Trump BBQ ruins White House lawn

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White House officials were said to be furious today after Trump supporters burned a cross on the South Lawn last night. The BBQ, which was part of a series of cultural events showcasing the rich...
Fat Man on Beach

I’m not an immigrant, I’m British says Britain First supporter who lives on the...

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When asked what he would describe himself as, as an Englishman abroad, he will usually say something like: “Im an export int I”

World shits itself after Putin spotted smiling

Political commentators in Moscow are all-a-chatter today over the unprecedented gossip that Vladimir Putin has been observed smirking slightly.  The current record was set in 2006 when he was seen briefly sporting a wry smile...
Donald Trump

Trump’s American Dream – 25 Million to Leave the Country

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Donald J. Trump unveiled a pledge on Thursday to create 25 million jobs over the next decade, but experts are arguing whether they strictly qualify as jobs. In remarks that may stir new consternation abroad,...
Francis Underwood

Fictional President held to higher standard than actual President

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Fictional President of the United States Francis Underwood has been obliged to step down this week following allegations of historical sexual harassment. Whilst his Presidency has been marred by a number of controversies, FPOTUS Underwood...

The United States to allow Guns to be purchased from Vending Machines

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United States, Washington DC - A new bill has been passed in the United States, to allow firearms to be sold from Vending Machines. The bill will take effect over the summer. This will...

Gassing orphans is wrong says woman who prefers to starve them

Theresa May's regime has roundly condemned the Assad Regime's actions in Syria by saying it was wrong to use Sarin Gas on orphaned children. "It was just wrong to use Sarin Gas to kill orphaned...

Canada and Mexico to build border walls if World Bank will fund a lid

The governments of Canada and Mexico reached an historic agreement today to build 50 foot tall walls along their borders with the US on the proviso that the World Bank lends them the money for a lid.

Donald Trump appoints Doogie Howser M.D. Coronavirus Czar

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POTAUS Donald Trump has announced the creation of a Coronavirus Czar charged with coordinating the US's response to Coronavirus. He revealed that Doogie Howser M.D. has been appointed. In a 5 hour rambling announcement POTATUS...

Idiot dies in Karmic Avalanche

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An idiot died in an avalanche of Karma in the town of Teruel in Aragon, Spain, yesterday. Victor Barrio (29), having spent the last 9 years of his adult life torturing large animals for fun...

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