Tuesday, December 18, 2018
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Zeno

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Rochdale v Spurs – “New tarmac pitch should silence critics” says spokesfootballer

"I'm prepared to admit that the playing surface wasn't perhaps 110%, but Mr Pinocchio has no right to criticise another club that might not...

‘Human Ken Dodd’ reveals inspiration behind unique look

After undergoing five surgeries, changing his name by deed poll and buying a feather duster, there's no denying that Barry Conroy now bears more...

Britain is a sitting duck claims defence chief

In the face of rumoured cuts to defence spending, Sir Nick Carter The Chief of the General Staff, today warned of Russia's 'eye-watering'...

If the dead weren’t so unproductive the economy would be booming, says Phillip Hammond

Chancellor Phillip Hammond has blamed sluggish economic growth figures on the dead. "Our research over the last two quarters has proved conclusively that the dead...

When is an aircraft carrier just a carrier?

Britain's new aircraft carrier, HMS Queen Elizabeth, was commissioned today in Portsmouth. The new carrier is at the cutting edge of British warship design and...

EU kebab ban receives chilli reception in Burnley

The EU move to ban phosphates in donner kebabs has sent a shockwave through the British culinary world. Keith Braithwaite, local restaurateur and winner of...
unhappy man

Emails found on MP’s pornhub viewer

A forensic investigation of Damian Green's computer has revealed that it was used for viewing emails, conducting research and processing documents, confirming that...

England ready for Adelaide Ashes Test

Ahead of the second Ashes Test which has just started in Adelaide, England captain Joe Root sought to defuse the simmering tension between the...
James Hewitt

James Hewitt ‘THRILLED’ at Prince Harry’s engagement to Megan Markle

James Hewitt has said he's 'thrilled' at the announcement of the engagement of Prince Harry to 'some sort from America'. "Many people don't know this,...
Asda

Season 9 of The Walking Dead to be filmed in Burnley Asda

The Burnley Magic Lantern Club has announced that the next Season of The Walking Dead will be filmed in an Asda store in Burnley. Benny...
oldham

Fears grow for BBC Explorer missing in Oldham

The alarm was raised today after BBC documentary maker and explorer Professor Robert Falcon failed to emerge from Oldham after missing his rendezvous with...

Chances of Patel having job by Christmas looking Priti grim

Theresa May's office has commented on the departure from the usual policy of ministers confining themselves to work on behalf of the country, and...

First shipment of thoughts and prayers for mass shooting victims arrive in Florida

It's all better in Florida now after a much needed vital shipment of thoughts and prayers arrived in Jacksonville following today's mass shooting. "Yeah, we're...

Prue Leith reveals Hawking final theory

Prue Leith, the famous cook, presenter and writer was recorded by several bystanders shouting Stephen Hawking’s ‘theory of everything’ at police while being detained...

Brexit bias uncovered in Westminster

After detailed research, leading academics have revealed a list of staunchly pro Brexit MPs and have demanded that the old, rich white people in...

Government insists food banks rebrand as Universal Credit Bistros

Today, at a press conference in the champagne bar of the Astor club in Pall Mall, David Gauke, the work and pensions secretary no...

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