It’s all better in California now after a much needed vital shipment of thoughts and prayers arrived in Gilroy following today’s mass shooting.
“Yeah, we’re crating up the thoughts and prayers from the Jacksonville shooting to ship them. We usually just keep them on the road, it makes it much easier because each time we warehouse the thoughts and prayers we immediately have to load up again and it was getting way too expensive.”
“We contacted the NRA, but they said they like to keep the money flowing into Washington DC rather than get involved with people who died after someone gets hold of a bunch of automatic weapons at the grocery store and carries out a massacre.”
“If a Muslim is the shooter, it’s kinda different, the NRA and various Tea Party supporters have told us they’ll get us really great new thoughts and prayers – problem is, we’ve only had 377 multiples this year, so no Muslim has really had a chance to carry out a mass shooting.”
“We don’t use the word ‘terrorist’ until we check with the White House, they get really pissed if we say that. So far, none of the shootings have been terrorist attacks, apparently we have a problem with lone wolves and a shortage of guns, which is great. Imagine if these were terror attacks. We’d be fucked.”
Bob, climbs up into his cab, starts up the rig and sets off for California. He sounds the horn and I hear him shout as he drives away.
“See ya real soon, buddy. Thoughts and prayers.”