In extraordinary scenes the US Secret Service have rounded up and imprisoned several second world war veterans after Donald Trump announced the banning of anti-fascists.

The family of 98 year old Anthony Di Napoli told us, “The Secret Service came and arrested my Grandfather this evening. Apparently Trump has banned anti-fascists. My Grandfather fought in Sicily and at Monte Cassino. But now he’s in prison and we have no idea how long for.”

Another family told us, “Our Great Uncle was on Omaha Beach on D-Day. Apparently that’s enough to now get you arrested. They even maced him when he went for his Zimmer Frame.”

And it’s not just ex-servicemen. Pietro Bernini told us, “My Great Grandfather was an Italian Partisan before coming to America after the war. He’s now in prison for consorting with the anti-fascists that strung Mussolini up outside that Esso garage.”

It’s rumoured that Holocaust survivors in Brooklyn are also to be rounded up tomorrow after it was discovered that some of them formed an anti-fascist group at Sobibor death camp in 1943. In a speech Trump said, “It was wrong that these thugs began burning and smashing that camp up. Those good people worked hard to provide those people with somewhere to live. If they didn’t like it they should have protested peacefully.”

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.