Complete sadist buys 2 year old nephew a keyboard for Christmas

A man from Rochdale has bought his nephew the gift of music for Christmas. Stan Still told us, "I've played in bands since I was 12 and think it's a great idea for kids to...

BBC bans racist song White Christmas

The BBC working on advice from Institute for Cultural Correctness has announced that the song, White Christmas is to be banned. Spokeswoman for the perpetually offender, Rita Right-on told us, "When you analyse the lyrics...

Gary Glitter releases Christmas single, In the Brownies

Gary Glitter is releasing a new single in time for the Christmas number 1 battle. The song, a cover version of "In the Brownies" is Glitter's first new material for 3 decades. A spokesman said, "This...

The Verve say lack of racism due to drugs not working

Indie stalwarts, The Verve have revealed that the in inspiration for their hit song, The Drugs Don't Work, was their inability to be racist. The band made the comments following this week's admission by Roseanne...
Ed Sheeran

Night out at Ed Sheeran gig ruined by Ed Sheeran music

A couple has had their night out at an Ed Sheeran gig completely ruined by Ed Sheeran music. Married couple Steve and Barbara Dickinson from Rochdale were on their bi-annual night out on Thursday when...

Stevie Wonder just chooses to be blind, says Kanye West

Batshit crazy US rapper Kanye West has said that the Stevie Wonder’s blindness may be a “choice.”

Radiohead settle copyright spat over Remoaners’ moaning and whining

Radiohead have settled their claims that Remain voters have stolen all the moaning and whining directly from their back catalogue. Immediately after bringing an end to their saga involving Lana Del Rey, the former decent...
Phil Collins

Singer-songwriter Phil Collins to release Death Metal album

Phil Collins is set to release an album of previously unheard material made up of songs classified as being from the extreme subgenre of heavy metal music. The Grammy award winning artist confirmed that...
Tommy Robinson

‘Here’s to you Tommy Robinson’ fundraising song campaigns for his release from Twitter jail

With thanks (and muted apologies) to Simon & Garfunkel But Islam's not a race, they screamed into his brown face And here's to you Tommy Robinson Mohammad loves you more than you will know Whoa,...
live band

Band at every live gig is having loads more fun than audience

According to experts who have been to gigs every band in the world is definitely having more fun than the audience. "Standing ankle deep in urine next to strangers who smell of rolling tobacco and...

Spice Girls Wannapee reunion tour sponsored by Tena

Music - The world's most successful all-girl prefabricated band The Spice Girls have announced plans to reform. The quintet, featuring the newly-nicknamed Crusty Spice, Stairlift Spice, Surgicalsupporty Spice, Nicegingerbiscuit Spice and Victoria Beckham (registered trademark)...

X distances itself from factor

For over a decade, the "talent" show that has built false hope in thousands and eroded the entertainment values of millions has been hit by wave after wave of controversy and suspicion. The...
Lionel Richie

I’ve never danced on a ceiling, confession SHOCK

Rumours are rife about the quite tall, big-faced singing star after he has "fessed up" to not dancing on ceilings. The 80's porkie-pie uttering singer has told reporters "Look, i just made it up...

BBC at a loss to explain low ratings for “Bantmeister” Grimshaw

BBC bosses are completely at a loss to explain why Nick Grimshaw's BBC Radio 1 breakfast show has suffered its biggest drop in ratings since RAJAR began collecting data in 1992. Grimshaw, who has...

Simon Cowell’s stairs win Brit Award for outstanding contribution to music industry

Simon Cowell’s stairs have received a Brit Award for their outstanding contribution to the music industry after the reality TV star was found unconscious at the bottom of them, it has been announced. Judd Jim...

Google crashes as hipsters race to be “lifelong influenced” by Fats Domino

The death of the latest life-long influence of people too painfully cool for words, Fats Domino, has caused a Google Crash despite everyone thinking he was already dead. The desperate search for the "Did...

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