Musicians speak at upset of knowing that Tories like their work

Distraught musicians Florence Welch and Calvin Harris have spoken out at their horror of discovering that they have next to no control over what type of people might like their music.The musicians have...

Green Day to re-release American Idiot in honour of Donald Trump.

September has ended and Billie Joe Armstrong is finally awake. It’s a pity that nearly half of the American people are still asleep when it comes to the actions and reactions of President Donald...

Self Proclaimed Lennon Fan Actually Knows More McCartney Songs

A man who claims to prefer John Lennon to Paul McCartney actually knows more of the latter’s songs, it has emerged.Music fan Lennie Payne 41, told the Rochdale Herald of how much he preferred...

Dolly Parton to re-release classic ‘9 to 5’ as ‘8 to 6 on a...

Music industry representatives were bouncing off walls this morning with the news that megastar Dolly Parton is to re-release her classic smash hit ‘9 to 5’, re-titled ‘8 to 6 on a zero hours...

Jeremy Corbyn to produce next Stormzy album.

It has been confirmed that Jeremy Corbyn will be producing the next Stormzy album.The album will be produced in a reclaimed timber shed on Corbyn’s allotment patch. It is also expected to be made...
Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey records shock cover of Dead Kennedy’s ‘Nazi Punks Fuck Off’ in support...

Born again Christian pop singer and self styled "voice of the MTV generation" Mariah Carey, has sent shock waves through tin pan alley with the announcement that she has recorded a cover of the...

Tim Westwood admits that he is a white man trapped in a black man’s...

“Tim Westwood is a giant twat, and his name makes me cringe. I LOATHE the fact that, like him or not, the hip-hop scene in the UK owes him a massive debt. It really galls me, it really does. Twat.” A. Spaniel
Kim Jong Un Submarine

Fatboy Kim to re-release his mix of Radioactivity

In a move to hail his comeback, the king of hereditary Marxist dictators, Kim Young Un aka Fatboy Kim, has announced a rehashing of his old remix hit "Radioactivity".His latest bid to burn up...
Pyongyang Style

North Korean rapper DMZ launches attack on US Charts with Pyongyang Style

North Korean rap artist DMZ 'exploded' into the US Billboard charts today with his latest hit "Pyongyang Style".The song, which is his own twist on "Gangnam Style" is also a kick in the teeth...
Ramones

Onlookers stunned as man in Ramones t-shirt successfully names two band members

The patrons and entire staff team at The Reed public house were in shock yesterday, after a man wearing a culturally iconic but no longer relevant t-shirt of a long dead punk group managed...
Phil Collins

Phil Collins says 80s were his Coldplay years

Phil Collins has been telling the Saga trade magazine, Zimmer how he sees the 1980's as his Coldplay years.Collins told the magazine, "Look, when I was in Genesis it was good. There was some...
Middle Aged Man

Man ‘still hip’ because he likes new bands like Radiohead

Derek Brasshouse, 54, an accountant in Rochdale Borough Council's swimming pool department, considers himself to be still 'with it' because he enjoys new bands like Radiohead and the Foo Fighters.He told the Herald...
Tony Hadley

Fat red faced old man quits boring 80s band

Shockwaves rang through Tin Pan Alley yesterday with the news that singer Tony Hadley was quitting 80s pop toppers Spandau Ballet.In a cryptic tweet Hadley blamed his departure on "circumstances beyond my control", taken...

Radiohead Gig Attracts Record Number Of Twats

Research has shown that the Old Trafford gig on July 4th by Radiohead attracted more wankers than any previous gig.It is estimated that, of the 31,000 crowd, 68.7% were utter tosspots. The total...
Jacob Rees Mogg

Freestyle rapper, Rees-Moggy Mogg to win back Conservative youth vote

In a bid to appear more accessible to young people the Conservative party have updated the image of some of their more prominent MPs.The aim is to change public opinion; to be seen as...

Theresa May to headline Latitude Festival

Not to be outdone by Corbyn's appearance at Glastonbury last weekend, May hastily forms new band to perform at Latitude this July.In the kind of showbiz spat not seen since the Blur/Oasis feuding days...

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