BBC at a loss to explain low ratings for “Bantmeister” Grimshaw

BBC bosses are completely at a loss to explain why Nick Grimshaw's BBC Radio 1 breakfast show has suffered its biggest drop in ratings since RAJAR began collecting data in 1992. Grimshaw, who has...

Simon Cowell’s stairs win Brit Award for outstanding contribution to music industry

Simon Cowell’s stairs have received a Brit Award for their outstanding contribution to the music industry after the reality TV star was found unconscious at the bottom of them, it has been announced. Judd Jim...

Google crashes as hipsters race to be “lifelong influenced” by Fats Domino

The death of the latest life-long influence of people too painfully cool for words, Fats Domino, has caused a Google Crash despite everyone thinking he was already dead. The desperate search for the "Did...
Ed Sheeran

Bloke who knocked Ed Sheeran off bike given MBE for services to music industry

The man who ran over Ed Sheeran and broke his arm will receive an MBE in the new year’s honours list, it has been revealed. Police officers and government officials set about identifying the perpetrator...

A-ha Star In Blaze Nightmare

A source close to 80’s Norwegian heartthrob Morten Harket, of synthpop sensations A-ha, has confirmed that the housewives’ favourite was rushed to hospital last week following a blaze at the house in Oslo he...
video

Desperate Cheeto – A video by Randy Rainbow

Ever since we first saw him, we at The Herald have loved the fabulous Randy Rainbow, but he's outdone himself this time. https://www.facebook.com/RandyRainbowOfficial/videos/1204378566330751 Keep up the great work Randy and we'll send you a free mug...

Musicians speak at upset of knowing that Tories like their work

Distraught musicians Florence Welch and Calvin Harris have spoken out at their horror of discovering that they have next to no control over what type of people might like their music. The musicians have...

Green Day to re-release American Idiot in honour of Donald Trump.

September has ended and Billie Joe Armstrong is finally awake. It’s a pity that nearly half of the American people are still asleep when it comes to the actions and reactions of President Donald...

Self Proclaimed Lennon Fan Actually Knows More McCartney Songs

A man who claims to prefer John Lennon to Paul McCartney actually knows more of the latter’s songs, it has emerged. Music fan Lennie Payne 41, told the Rochdale Herald of how much he preferred...

Dolly Parton to re-release classic ‘9 to 5’ as ‘8 to 6 on a...

Music industry representatives were bouncing off walls this morning with the news that megastar Dolly Parton is to re-release her classic smash hit ‘9 to 5’, re-titled ‘8 to 6 on a zero hours...

Jeremy Corbyn to produce next Stormzy album.

It has been confirmed that Jeremy Corbyn will be producing the next Stormzy album. The album will be produced in a reclaimed timber shed on Corbyn’s allotment patch. It is also expected to be made...
Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey records shock cover of Dead Kennedy’s ‘Nazi Punks Fuck Off’ in support...

Born again Christian pop singer and self styled "voice of the MTV generation" Mariah Carey, has sent shock waves through tin pan alley with the announcement that she has recorded a cover of the...

Tim Westwood admits that he is a white man trapped in a black man’s...

“Tim Westwood is a giant twat, and his name makes me cringe. I LOATHE the fact that, like him or not, the hip-hop scene in the UK owes him a massive debt. It really galls me, it really does. Twat.” A. Spaniel
Kim Jong Un Submarine

Fatboy Kim to re-release his mix of Radioactivity

In a move to hail his comeback, the king of hereditary Marxist dictators, Kim Young Un aka Fatboy Kim, has announced a rehashing of his old remix hit "Radioactivity". His latest bid to burn up...
Pyongyang Style

North Korean rapper DMZ launches attack on US Charts with Pyongyang Style

North Korean rap artist DMZ 'exploded' into the US Billboard charts today with his latest hit "Pyongyang Style". The song, which is his own twist on "Gangnam Style" is also a kick in the teeth...
Ramones

Onlookers stunned as man in Ramones t-shirt successfully names two band members

The patrons and entire staff team at The Reed public house were in shock yesterday, after a man wearing a culturally iconic but no longer relevant t-shirt of a long dead punk group managed...

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