Music – The world’s most successful all-girl prefabricated band The Spice Girls have announced plans to reform.

The quintet, featuring the newly-nicknamed Crusty Spice, Stairlift Spice, Surgicalsupporty Spice, Nicegingerbiscuit Spice and Victoria Beckham (registered trademark) will hit the road this year.

A spokeswoman for the band, Victoria Sequerette, said “The ladies can hardly contain their excitement, so we’re thrilled to announce the sponsorship deal with Tena.”

It is thought that the band’s usual writing team (with their infinite number of typewriters) will be coming up with new material, and rewriting old favourite songs to deal with the subject matter now important to the band and their fans. The standout hit as per the tour title is ‘Wannapee’, dealing with the frustrations of incontinence. ‘2 Become 1’ deals with bereavement and dementia is covered by ‘Who Do You Think You Are’.

Two dates have so far been pencilled in, in Harrogate and Bournemouth and support will be provided by Daniel O’Donnell.

The band’s notoriously finicky ‘rider’ will include Sanatogen, fish paste sandwiches with the edges cut off and Werthers Toffee Selection with all the liquorice ones removed. The band also require chairs that are easy to get in and out of in their cabbage-fragranced dressing room.

Superfan Doris Hodges said “I never thought I’d see the day that Gary, Robbie and the lads got back together.