Katie Hopkins outraged as new IPhone X automatically set to permanently disabled and unable...

Odious journo-babbler, Katie Hopkins was furious yesterday when she discovered that her new IPhone X was in fact less use than Boris Johnson in a foreign Embassy.“Obviously I ordered the white one, but when...
Connor McGregor

Conor McGregor refuses to quit, offers Stephen Hawking a game of ‘da physics’

In a ground-breaking move, career punchist and all round feckin' lad Conor McGregor has revealed his plans to offer professor Stephen Hawking a game of "da physics" just hours after his piss-takingly lucrative defeat...
Connor McGregor

Conor McGregor refuses to quit, offers Stephen Hawking a game of ‘da physics’

In a ground-breaking move, career punchist and all round feckin' lad Conor McGregor has revealed his plans to offer professor Stephen Hawking a game of "da physics" just hours after his piss-takingly lucrative defeat...

Katie Price Fails 5 Minutes Into Her Attempt To Go A Whole Day Without...

Three days ago the former glamour model Katie Price, also known as Libya, attempted to last a whole day without doing anything to publicise herself. Unfortunately, the attempt failed spectacularly when Katie tweeted her...
Bruce Forsyth

Bruce Forsyth’s inheritance to be shown on conveyor belt for family members to remember

If the children of the late Sir Bruce Forsyth wish to inherit his estate, they must remember the individual parts of it that they see on a conveyor belt, it has emerged.Under the terms...
Bruce Forsyth

Sir Bruce Forsyth declared fit for work by ATOS

British television legend Sir Bruce Forsyth has died at the age of 89 of a chest infection.Bruce was well known for his dancing and singing on British television prime time broadcasting programmes as well...
Knobhead

Knobhead calls knobhead knobhead

Renowned knobhead Liam Gallagher has snubbed famous knobhead James Corden by refusing to appear on his TV show Carpool Karaoke.Gallagher, who is currently touring sold-out village halls as a 'solo artist', took to Twitter...

McVitie’s and Walkers crisps back plans to decriminalise cannabis

Mcvities and Walkers crisps have allegedly got behind a backbench revolt to decriminalise cannabis.Plans are already being made to reclassify cannabis from a class B drug to a totally legal drug. A McVitie's spokesman,...
Bruce Forsyth

Bruce Forsyth ‘can’t wait’ to draw his pension

Following the news today that the government of the United Kingdom will shortly be raising the retirement age to 168 years old Bruce Forsyth has announced that he is excited to soon be old...

Tom Hanks hospitalized by Trump’s huge cucumber

Hollywood favourite Tom Hanks remains in a medically induced coma tonight, after an altercation with Donald Trump left him with severe injuries. The attack took place on The Late Late Show with James Cordon this...
Castle in woods

Icons of children’s entertainment to take refuge for the rest of 2017

Children’s authors, presenters and actors are seeking hiding places for the rest of 2017, the Rochdale Herald has learned.This year has seen, in very quick succession, the loss of many stars of children’s entertainment...

Gove cast as Tick-Tock in Rupert Murdoch’s adaption of ‘Peter Pan’

An all star cast is to appear in seasoned stage director Rupert Murdoch's new adaptation of the J. M. Barrie classic 'Peter Pan'.Michael Gove has been cast as Tick-Tock, Theresa May as Captain Hook...
Buzz Aldrin

Buzz Aldrin says not punching Trump is his greatest achievement

Buzz Aldrin has suprised many today by saying that his greatest achievement is not punching Donald Trump. Mr Aldrin attended an event where the President gave a rambling word salad of a speech.Mr Aldrin...

George Osborne admits he’s Banksy confessing “it was my first job”

Evening Standard Editor George Osborne is rightfully popular with recruitment specialists but few people are aware of his first job as famous, mysterious street artist Banksy.The Rochdale Herald’s crime correspondent spoke to Mr Osborne...

Prince Philip to reprise role in new Star Wars film

His Royal Highness to play part of Grand Moff Tarkin again in latest outing of sci-fi saga.Warning: contains spoilersShooting began today for the latest instalment of the long running science fiction saga that has...
Paul Dacre

Is Daily Mail Editor Paul Dacre the most flaccid cockgoblin in the UK?

Unsubstantiated sources allege Dacre is comfortably the vilest hate-peddling shitweasel in the UK.Feel free to tell us if you disagree with these allegations. But we ask, who are we to question the conclusions? Consider...

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