Friday, June 22, 2018

Ketty Hopkins joins GB equestrian team

Horse faced professional turd and former Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins has apparently been offered a new job by the GB olympic equestrian team. Katie, the former Apprentice contestant and Jungle evictee who lost her...

‘Human Ken Dodd’ reveals inspiration behind unique look

After undergoing five surgeries, changing his name by deed poll and buying a feather duster, there's no denying that Barry Conroy now bears more than a passing resemblance to his hero, Ken Dodd. "I got...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn wins prestigious Tony Blair peace prize

Jeremy Corbyn has been awarded the prestigious Tony Blair peace prize and the Rochdale Herald is the only news outlet to report it. The prize recognises Mr Corbyn's contribution over 20 years to the Northern...

Chris Rea spends second night in Charnock Richards Services.

Gravel-voiced guitar stalwart, Chris Rea, is still trying to get home for Christmas this year, after the 'Road to Hell' star's head gasket went at Charnock Richards Services. Rea, who could have sworn he had...

Julian Assange plans quiet Christmas at home

Julian Assange has confirmed that he will be having a quiet Christmas at home this year. In a telephone call Mr Assange told us, "It's been a tiring year. In the summer I stood...

Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets

Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious Tweeting. The runty Rottweiler once fronted the Poundland version of...
Morrissey

Charles Manson was just a bit excitable claims Morrissey

Mancunian pastry product Morrissey has upped the ante on his recent efforts to mitigate the minor fondlings of Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein by reportedly and fictionally claiming notorious cult leader Charles Manson was...
Snowman

Aled Jones touched my carrot, claims Snowman

Aled Jones, 46-year-old presenter of Songs Of Praise and former choirboy, was suspended by The BBC today following allegations of 'inappropriate conduct'. The allegations are reported to have been made by former acting star, The...

Bono reveals that a Lithuanian shopping centre was what he was looking for

U2 lead singer, Bono has announced that most of U2's songs are about his need to avoid tax. Bono is alleged to have told the owner of a Lithuanian shopping centre that a Lithuanian shopping...

Safety fears for Peter André.

Fears are growing for the safety of shiny mannequin Peter André, after he failed to appear on the cover of this month's OK Magazine. Concerned readers had to make do instead with an...

Some bloke from the 90’s announces his “new name”

Some bloke that you sort of remember from the 1990's but you can't really remember why has stepped up his irrelevance by announcing a new name for himself to his Twitter following of junior...

Celebrities are over-rewarded claims famous, multi-millionaire, award winning star and author on accepting his...

David Walliams has, in a stunning show of hypocrisy and with no hint of irony, claimed that celebrities are over-rewarded as he accepted an OBE which was awarded for nothing other than partaking in...

Spacey “to seek treatment” for being horny 20 years ago and coincidentally gay

The publicist for Kevin Spacey has announced that the Oscar-winning actor is seeking treatment, as reports emerged that another young man had nothing happen to him, and that it transpires that not everyone Kevin...

Prue Leith reveals Hawking final theory

Prue Leith, the famous cook, presenter and writer was recorded by several bystanders shouting Stephen Hawking’s ‘theory of everything’ at police while being detained for brawling outside a pie stall in Cambridge on Tuesday. “I’m...

Ban on new celebrity Chefs

The government is set to introduce legislation preventing the creation of new celebrity Chefs, after pretentiousness levels in the UK became toxic. It is believed that the trigger point came when the owner...
Gerard Butler

Hollywood bimbo Gerard Butler says it never occurred to him that injecting bee venom...

Hollywood bimbo, Gerard Butler has been hospitalised with anaphylactic shock his agent has revealed. Butler, injected 13 vials of bee venom in an attempt to prevent muscle ache following filming. A spokesman for Butler said, "Gerard...

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