Snowman

Aled Jones touched my carrot, claims Snowman

Aled Jones, 46-year-old presenter of Songs Of Praise and former choirboy, was suspended by The BBC today following allegations of 'inappropriate conduct'. The allegations are reported to have been made by former acting star, The...

Bono reveals that a Lithuanian shopping centre was what he was looking for

U2 lead singer, Bono has announced that most of U2's songs are about his need to avoid tax.Bono is alleged to have told the owner of a Lithuanian shopping centre that a Lithuanian shopping...

Safety fears for Peter André.

Fears are growing for the safety of shiny mannequin Peter André, after he failed to appear on the cover of this month's OK Magazine.Concerned readers had to make do instead with an...

Some bloke from the 90’s announces his “new name”

Some bloke that you sort of remember from the 1990's but you can't really remember why has stepped up his irrelevance by announcing a new name for himself to his Twitter following of junior...

Celebrities are over-rewarded claims famous, multi-millionaire, award winning star and author on accepting his...

David Walliams has, in a stunning show of hypocrisy and with no hint of irony, claimed that celebrities are over-rewarded as he accepted an OBE which was awarded for nothing other than partaking in...

Spacey “to seek treatment” for being horny 20 years ago and coincidentally gay

The publicist for Kevin Spacey has announced that the Oscar-winning actor is seeking treatment, as reports emerged that another young man had nothing happen to him, and that it transpires that not everyone Kevin...

Prue Leith reveals Hawking final theory

Prue Leith, the famous cook, presenter and writer was recorded by several bystanders shouting Stephen Hawking’s ‘theory of everything’ at police while being detained for brawling outside a pie stall in Cambridge on Tuesday.“I’m...

Ban on new celebrity Chefs

The government is set to introduce legislation preventing the creation of new celebrity Chefs, after pretentiousness levels in the UK became toxic.It is believed that the trigger point came when the owner...
Gerard Butler

Hollywood bimbo Gerard Butler says it never occurred to him that injecting bee venom...

Hollywood bimbo, Gerard Butler has been hospitalised with anaphylactic shock his agent has revealed.Butler, injected 13 vials of bee venom in an attempt to prevent muscle ache following filming.A spokesman for Butler said, "Gerard...
Bono

U2 Twatty Helps Unfunny Fatty

Following squeaking chubbalub unfunnyman James Corden's desperately misjudged and humourless attempts at making light of sexual assault, professional shortarsed twat and frontman of puzzlingy successful pop group, The U2s - Bonio - has offered...

Harvey Weinstein is a Democrat is the new Hitler was a Vegetarian

Hip new fashy fashion hits Brownhill SchoolAll the coolest kids in Brownhill School, Rochdale, have adopted it.  “Yeah well, Harvey Weinstein was a Democrat so ner,” is the new top riposte in their ongoing battle...
Pot Plant

Harvey Weinstein’s office pot plant to release cover of Louis Armstrong’s Nobody Knows The...

Harvey Weinstein’s office pot plant, a large Ficus Lyrata Bambino, is to going to release a seven inch cover of the 1921 classic “Nobody Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen”.The single will also a feature...

MPs & Celebrities injured in stampede to be the most offended

MPs have described the 'hysterical' moment they were crushed in a desperate stampede to be the most righteously indignant and offended.Mike Backbencher - MP for Nether Pissle - was one of the victims...
Harvey Weinstein

Really Respectable Reputation of Casting Couch Crushed as Absolutely Amazing Allegations Horrify Hollywood Hierarchy

Hollywood, nay, America, nay the whole World, has been rocked to its core by allegations that a man abused his position of power, as this, categorically, does not happen all the time.Renowned woman...

Tributes flood in for trailblazing feminist who has died aged 91

The world is today in mourning for pioneering feminist and humanitarian Hugh Hefner, who has died at his home in California just hours after his tireless campaigning in Saudi Arabia helped to secure a...

Trump threatens military action against ‘rocket man’

President Trump used his recent address to the UN Security Council to threaten ‘rocket man’ Sir Elton John, who he accuses of attempting to develop nuclear weapons which could reach the mainland United States....

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