Awkward moment for Joseph as Jesus gets Ancestry UK DNA testing kit for Christmas

In what has been described as the most awkward Christmas gift ever; Jesus has been given an Ancestry UK DNA testing kit for Christmas. One onlooker said, "It was pretty awkward. I mean, Mary and...

Prince Harry gets job as Prince Harry look-alike

Prince Harry has a new job as a Prince Harry look-alike in Canada. His new boss told us, "There's a lot of attention on Prince Harry at the moment. With that attention then demand for...
Pudsey bear

Shock as Pudsey Bear arrested just one hour before Children in Need goes live

The BBC is in a state of chaos and panic  this evening as they desperately scramble to find a replacement for Children in Need stalwart Pudsey Bear, who was sensationally arrested on fraud charges...
Katie Hopkins

Court sentences Katie Hopkins to be burned at the stake as a witch

In a shock move Friday, a UK libel court has ordered that controversial Daily Mail colonist and professional bigot, Katie Hopkins be burned at the stake as a witch. Hopkins was in court facing an...
Bruce Forsyth

Sir Bruce Forsyth declared fit for work by ATOS

British television legend Sir Bruce Forsyth has died at the age of 89 of a chest infection. Bruce was well known for his dancing and singing on British television prime time broadcasting programmes as well...

Pippa, Middleton, Topless Bikini Photo Scandal

Pippa, from Middleton near Rochdale, was said to be bemused today after seeing photos of a topless bikini advertised for sale in Rochdale's premier fashion boutique, Primark. "It was scandalous" Pippa from Middleton told our...
Connor McGregor

Conor McGregor refuses to quit, offers Stephen Hawking a game of ‘da physics’

In a ground-breaking move, career punchist and all round feckin' lad Conor McGregor has revealed his plans to offer professor Stephen Hawking a game of "da physics" just hours after his piss-takingly lucrative defeat...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling wins Turner Prize for dystopian work “Railway Timetable in May”

The Turner Prize committee has announced that this year's prize will be awarded to Chris Grayling for his dystopian work, "Railway Timetable in May". A committee member told us, "This work is profound. There is...

Jennifer Aniston found dead after Schadenfreude overdose

Jennifer Aniston was found dead this afternoon at her LA mansion after apparently overdosing on Schadenfreude following the news of the impending Brangelina split. Miss Aniston was apparently found in bed surrounded by glossy magazines,...

Tommy Robinson fisted by pensioner in prison shower

IReports from Belmarsh are that Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, the tiny provocateur with the Timmy Mallet inspired pseudonym has been fisted.  One fist from a pensioner was all it took to send him to dreamland. We understand...

Tommy Robinson announces plan to launch Ceefax page

Far right midget Tommy Robinson has announced plans to launch a Ceefax page following news that he has been banned from both Facebook and Instagram for being a racist toolkit. "Ceefax is the perfect home...

Kevin the Carrot beheaded by Muslims.

Popular TV carrot Kevin was among a bag of carrots snatched from the Oldham branch of Aldi by ruthless Muslim gang the 'Iqbal family'. The gang carried out the audacious snatch at lunchtime yesterday, making...

John Travolta health scare latest. It’s not Covid19, it’s just Saturday night fever.

Reports that John Travolta has contracted Covid19 are being down played by his agent. "John has chills, they're multiplying and he's losing control" Mr Travolta's agent told The Rochdale Herald's Hollywood correspondent.  "We would like to...

Hampstead Heath Glory Holes to close in respect for George Michael

Regular visitors to Hampsted Heath have been informed all glory holes will be closed from tomorrow as a mark of respect to George Michael. A mass of floral tribute has already began to appear outside...

Dame Judi Dench Shows Off New Tattoo

Dame Judi Dench, 81 years young, gave the world it's first sneak preview of her first ever tattoo at this afternoon's premiere of Aladdin at Rochdale's Gracie Fields Theatre. 'Ive been well into Ryan since...
Rosie and Jim

Rosie and Jim Seized in Immigration Raid

News is emerging that 1990's TV stars Rosie and Jim have been arrested and are now facing deportment following the repeal of the European Convention on Human Rights. The TV stars, real names Bratislav...

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