Tuesday, December 18, 2018
Bruce Forsyth

Sir Bruce Forsyth declared fit for work by ATOS

British television legend Sir Bruce Forsyth has died at the age of 89 of a chest infection. Bruce was well known for his dancing and singing on British television prime time broadcasting programmes as well...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling wins Turner Prize for dystopian work “Railway Timetable in May”

The Turner Prize committee has announced that this year's prize will be awarded to Chris Grayling for his dystopian work, "Railway Timetable in May". A committee member told us, "This work is profound. There is...

Jennifer Aniston found dead after Schadenfreude overdose

Jennifer Aniston was found dead this afternoon at her LA mansion after apparently overdosing on Schadenfreude following the news of the impending Brangelina split. Miss Aniston was apparently found in bed surrounded by glossy magazines,...
Connor McGregor

Conor McGregor refuses to quit, offers Stephen Hawking a game of ‘da physics’

In a ground-breaking move, career punchist and all round feckin' lad Conor McGregor has revealed his plans to offer professor Stephen Hawking a game of "da physics" just hours after his piss-takingly lucrative defeat...

Kevin the Carrot beheaded by Muslims.

Popular TV carrot Kevin was among a bag of carrots snatched from the Oldham branch of Aldi by ruthless Muslim gang the 'Iqbal family'. The gang carried out the audacious snatch at lunchtime yesterday, making...
pippa

Pippa, Middleton, Topless Bikini Photo Scandal

Pippa, from Middleton near Rochdale, was said to be bemused today after seeing photos of a topless bikini advertised for sale in Rochdale's premier fashion boutique, Primark. "It was scandalous" Pippa from Middleton told our...
George Michael

George Michael dead after ‘giving away’ 33rd heart

The 80’s pop sensation, 90’s cop-bothering loiterer and noughties stoner George Michael sadly died at home 'peacefully in his sleep.' The Wham! front man was warned earlier this month about giving away his heart every...
Ant and Dec

Ant and Dec to serve 6 months in Wormwood Scrubs together as judge couldn’t...

Comedy duo and twin brothers Ant and Dec are to serve a six month sentence together in Wormwood Scrubs prison. The unusual move has come after Ant McPartlin crashed his car and failed a breath...
Knobhead

Knobhead calls knobhead knobhead

Renowned knobhead Liam Gallagher has snubbed famous knobhead James Corden by refusing to appear on his TV show Carpool Karaoke. Gallagher, who is currently touring sold-out village halls as a 'solo artist', took to Twitter...

Ketty Hopkins joins GB equestrian team

Horse faced professional turd and former Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins has apparently been offered a new job by the GB olympic equestrian team. Katie, the former Apprentice contestant and Jungle evictee who lost her...

Hampstead Heath Glory Holes to close in respect for George Michael

Regular visitors to Hampsted Heath have been informed all glory holes will be closed from tomorrow as a mark of respect to George Michael. A mass of floral tribute has already began to appear outside...
Bruce Forsyth

Bruce Forsyth’s inheritance to be shown on conveyor belt for family members to remember

If the children of the late Sir Bruce Forsyth wish to inherit his estate, they must remember the individual parts of it that they see on a conveyor belt, it has emerged. Under the terms...
Karen Danczuk Topless

Herald Reporter in KAREN DANCZUK TOPLESS Clickbait Scandal

Following the implementation of new software allowing users to see just what exactly brings visitors to their website based on Googled search terms, a local Herald reporter has shamefully and cynically exploited the system by...
Bono

U2 Twatty Helps Unfunny Fatty

Following squeaking chubbalub unfunnyman James Corden's desperately misjudged and humourless attempts at making light of sexual assault, professional shortarsed twat and frontman of puzzlingy successful pop group, The U2s - Bonio - has offered...
Michael McIntyre

Comic Relief to be just Michael McIntyre and a bunch of Russells in future

The BBC announced today that all future Comic Relief events will simply be Michael McIntyre and people called Russell running around and doing observational routines. Deputy Director General Sir Vincent Cost said that, as they...
Morrissey

Charles Manson was just a bit excitable claims Morrissey

Mancunian pastry product Morrissey has upped the ante on his recent efforts to mitigate the minor fondlings of Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein by reportedly and fictionally claiming notorious cult leader Charles Manson was...

Follow us

55,586FansLike
68FollowersFollow
18,423FollowersFollow
21,253FollowersFollow

Popular Posts