Buzz Aldrin has suprised many today by saying that his greatest achievement is not punching Donald Trump. Mr Aldrin attended an event where the President gave a rambling word salad of a speech.
Mr Aldrin looked visibly pained as he explained to the Herald, “At first I thought it was a joke or alzheimers awareness thing. As he went on I realised it wasn’t Alec Baldwin but the actual President. How is that possible? I’ve met Nixon, Johnson and Obama and never experienced anything like that. Hell, even Bush used to be able to get words into the right order.”
Aldrin, who famously punched a moon landing conspiracy theorist went on to say, “How the hell do you inspire kids with that? Who can honestly say being President is something to aspire to?
I mean this is the country that produced Murray Gell Mann, Richard Feynman, Douglas Hofstadter and Ernest Lawrence. Yet our President talks like that. I should have punched him.”
Aldrin finished by saying, “Carl Sagan said that humans are the mechanism by which the universe comprehends it’s own existence. It must be wailing in despair right now.
After he’d finished he asked me what it was like meeting Stanley Kubrick. I half expected him to start on the Van Allen belt but it turns out he thinks they’re something his daughter sells on her fashion label. Should have punched him when I had the chance.”
To the suprise of the Herald Mr Trump responded to the comments. In a statement he said, “Eons from now, we storytellers will believe like never before as we are aligned by the cosmos.
Reality has always been buzzing with travellers whose auras are opened by space. Throughout history, humans have been interacting with the cosmos via molecular structures. We are in the midst of a non-local flowering of faith that will give us access to the multiverse itself.”