Black Jesus

Black Jesus denies rumours he is bowling hurricanes at Mar a lago

Speaking from his home near Cape Verde, Black Jesus denied that his decision to spend time exploring his roots in West Africa has had anything to do with the recent uptick in hurricane prevalence.“Sure,...

Jacob Rees-Mogg is a twat, confirms Jesus

In a rare public outburst Jesus H Christ has taken to social media to call Jacob Rees-Mogg a "complete twat."Speaking from his spaceship's jacuzzi moored off the coast of Cloud Cuckoo Land Jesus H...
Call Centre

Catholic Church installs automated ‘Buggery Forgiveness Hotline’ to ease waiting times

The hard-pushed Catholic Church has created call-centre style automated phone lines to reduce congestion caused by confessing their most popular sin."Local priests across the region were telling us that Sundays were becoming a nightmare,"...
Westboro Baptist Church

Westboro Baptist Churchgoers saddened by news that God actually hates FAQ’s

Congregation of famously homophobic church disheartened to learn that The Almighty is 'proper hacked off with being asked the same dumb shit over and over again'.Topeka, Kansas, and following God's stunning comeback on Sunday,...

God brings Christopher Hitchens back from the dead for ‘shits and giggles’

Deceased intellectual and prominent atheist resurrected by The Almighty 'for a bit of a laugh' following hiatus.Following what close acquaintances have described as 'a bit of a career lull', God, creator of the Earth,...
Glastonbury

Glastonbury food vendors uproar after Jeremy Corbyn feeds festival with five loaves and two...

Food vendors at the Glastonbury festival have been in uproar today after Jeremy Corbyn fed the entire site using just five loaves of bread and two fish.Percy Cheesewright told us,"I saw him coming out...

I’m nothing like Pope antichrist tells DUP

In an exclusive interview with The Rochdale Herald, the antichrist tells the DUP "I'm nothing like the Pope!"On a damp and surprisingly chilly June morning I travelled to my meeting with a certain sense...
Jeremy Corbyn

Corbyn washes feet of the poor in Belgravia

Our saviour, JC, for it was he, seen on the streets of Belgravia.Blessed are the poor, the meek, and the lowly. For lo, their time has come. The many shall inherit the Kingdom United,...

Proof of God spotted in East Midlands

Huddersfield photographer Golcar Matt snapped a cloud in the shape of Great Britain, and meteorologists are debating its religious significance.“It is a clear sign of a Catholic God,” said Shinner McVeigh. “Just look at...
Amazon Tribe

Jeremy Hunt worshipped as God of pestilence and disease by Amazonian Tribe

An offshoot of the Kawahiva people of the Amazon, only recently discovered, are revealed to be remarkably aware of Jeremy Hunt, the health secretary."Our culture reveres the position of shaman - a wise man...

ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts

So called 'Islamic State'  have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts.A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after witnessing a man have a melt down with a vending...
Brian

Corbyn confirmed as ‘not Messiah, but a very naughty boy’

In a shock revelation today, it has been confirmed that the Labour leader and General Election candidate Jeremy Corbyn is not in fact the Messiah, but instead is 'a very naughty boy.'The announcement came...
God

Man looking for God admits he would be easier to find if he knew...

A Rochdale man has today admitted that it would have been much easier to find God had he known what God looks like.Garry Bennett began his search 10 years ago after meeting a successful entrepreneur at...
Mike Pence

US replaces health insurance with crossed fingers, hoping and prayer

There has been a wave of concern regarding universal access to healthcare across the United States after Donald Trump, Mike Pence and the GOP officially repealed Obamacare this week."We have hereditary birth defects in my family, and...
video

God bothering Stephen Fry to be stoned to death for blasphemy, the pure gobshite

Stephen Fry has been summoned to appear in the Irish Courts to face the charge of breaching the Irish Defamation Act. It comes after the Garda completed their investigation into alleged blasphemy during a 2015...
Ainsley Harriott

Ainsley Harriott kicked out of satanic death cult for using too much turmeric

Speaking privately to The Rochdale Herald’s Donna Bellievitti, Satanic cultist and alleged writer Lynda la Plante discussed his expulsion from the group."Look it's simple innit, evwywon nose dat U use Susie Salt to draw...

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