The world of Buddhism was flipped upside down today as a new addition to the original 4 noble truths was discovered in a monastery in Tibet.
The 5000 year old scripture stated a previously unseen 5th Noble truth known as ‘Gekko’ which encourages buddhists to go forth and spread the consumerist message without prejudice towards the teachings of the previous 4 truths.
The five truths now read:
The truth of suffering (Dukkha)
The truth of the origin of suffering (Samud?ya)
The truth of the cessation of suffering (Nirodha)
The truth of the path to the cessation of suffering (Magga)
The truth of now your not suffering, check your share portfolio on your iPhone X before driving Jemima to public school in the Range Rover with your yoga mat in the boot and dont forget to pick up that case of Moët from Waitrose. (Gekko)
The news came as quite a relief to the many western Buddhists, who had spent the majority of their lives burying signs of their rampant consumerism in order to take the moral high ground.
Condescending prick & leading western Buddhist Mahatma Toby (Real name Toby Fluffington-Rolex), who first discovered Buddhism when coming down from a ‘big night out’ on a gap year in Thailand funded solely by his father’s credit card, was absolutely overjoyed with the news.
“The discovery of Gekko as the 5th noble truth allows me to finally be who I am.” said Toby, sporting a fetching new Ralph Lauren robe when interviewed in the queue outside Harrods.
“I no longer have to be oppressed by archaic teachings that don’t fit in with today’s modern society, but can still be preachy because I don’t eat meat or swat wasps, even though I’d like to. There was no way the original Buddha wasn’t a consumer anyway, I mean, just look at his belly for a start.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, Ive got to test drive the new Aston at 12.”