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Roy Ters

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‘It’s pronounced KWINAH, you pretentious f*ckwits’ confirms Quinoa

Middle class consumers were left reeling today after one of the much beloved 'super foods' they incessantly extol the virtues of confirmed that everyone...

World leaders tackle climate change with massive party and flights home on private jets

The world's elite gave their 100% commitment to climate change this Monday by having a colossal piss up then returning to all corners of...
Ryanair

Ryanair confirm passengers to fly planes from 2020

Troubled budget airline Ryanair today announced plans to ease their ongoing pilot strike issues by confirming they will now charge customers to fly their...
Tesco Express

Brexiters boycott Tesco over sale of Remain Lettuce

Thousands of patriots across the length and breadth of Britain called for a 'complete boycott', of supermarkets, after it turned out a Tesco's store...
Indian Family

Asian family enjoying post night out curry accused of ‘Cultural Appropriation’

A British-Asian family came under intense fire today, after being accused of extreme 'cultural appropriation' from White groups, for enjoying a post pub curry...

Judgemental twat who starts every opinion with ‘I’m not being funny, but’ definitely is...

A man who enjoys character assassinating every person he encounters and then tries to excuse himself of any malice by saying 'I'm not being...

Labrador accused of virtue signaling by other dogs for returning thrown ball

A Labrador has been slammed by fellow dogs for 'conforming to archaic, patriarchal stereotypes' after returning a ball thrown by its owner, it was...
Wasps

Britons thrilled by early encounter with year’s first Wasp

Millions of Britons were given an early taste of the joys of springtime over the weekend, after the unseasonable February warmth prompted the first...

Kindergarten of Common Sense to offer clear path way into School of Hard Knocks,...

There was fantastic news for around 52% of the country today, as the famous School of Hard knocks officially announced their brand new subsidiary...
London Underground Train

TFL confirms London Underground to be extended to Scotland by 2021

London's continued plans to absorb the entirety of Great Britain into the never ending tentacles of its grotesque boundaries were handed a huge boost...

Government responds to Saddleworth Moor crisis by pledging further cuts to Fire Fighting services

Greater Manchester Fire & Rescue Service were today boosted in their thankless quest to control the ongoing fires sweeping Saddleworth Moor by the news...

Stockport Town Centre awarded UNESCO World Heritage status

There were celebrations the length of Heaton Moor to Hazel Grove yesterday, as UNESCO officials announced Stockport Town Centre is to become a World...

Ice Cream headache pandemic reaches CRISIS point, as heatwave TERROR continues

With millions of Britons terrified by the recent apparition of a giant ball of fire in the sky, there was further harrowing news today,...
Tony the Tiger

Tony the Tiger calls out Jamie Oliver after cereal box slur

Celebrity spotters and various other people with naff all better going on in their lives were feverishly screaming over rumours of a celebrity feud...
Office Workers

Passive aggressive colleague is genuinely ‘looking forward to your reply’

An office worker who regularly distributes passive aggressive emails genuinely is 'looking forward to your response' because he is very lonely and has little...
Houses of Parliament

Boost for NHS as Government pledges 50% of uncollected change from vending machines over...

The NHS received a much needed boost today, after Number 10 kindly pledged to plough a sizeable portion of uncollected change from all Government...

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