Theresa May establishes Disaster Committee to “get ahead of the game”

Theresa May reassured a worried nation today by giving David Davis extra responsibility when she appointed him head of the newly formed Disaster Committee.It's a move aimed to underline her administration's reputation for consistency.It's hoped...

“It’s time to take back control”, writes The Queen

One's elected representatives are a complete shambles, One writes. One will not invite any of the proffered candidates to form a government. Instead one will lead the country oneself.In times of crisis a leader...

Labour voter’s sciatica cured after Corbyn hug

Rochdale Labour voter Kyle Henderson has told the Herald how his sciatica was cured after he hugged Jeremy Corbyn at a Labour election rally.Mr Henderson has spent the past 3 years unable to straighten...

Ecuadorian Ambassador contacts No. 10 “We are here if you need us”

The Ecuadorian embassy has reached out to 10 Downing Street from its Knightsbridge address to tell Ms May, "We are here if you need us".The Ecuadorian embassy gained national fame in the UK on 19...

Downing Street orders all fans removed as Storm Stable hits UK

Theresa May has ordered all fans removed from government premises immediately to limit the damage of Storm Stable.The storm is already sweeping across the Westminster area and is expected to cover the entire country...

Coroner rules man killed by falling trophy cabinet victim of his own success

The verdict has been returned by the inquest into the tragic death of Will Winnet. The coroner Dr Howie Perished has ruled he was a 'victim of his own success'.The death of the serial...
Daily Mail Readers

Panic over as Daily Mail assures everyone the fridge wasn’t bought by a white...

The Mail-online has sought to reassure readers that it was a slack-jawed, lazy, drunken black man who bought the fridge that started the Grenfell tower blaze.The 'news source' which has access to files that...

Airlines grounded for Black Death containment

Jeremy Rhymes-With has ordered the gargantuan and wealthy NHS to enact its Black Death emergency plan.Most of the staff were just weaving baskets anyway while watching television and waiting to see which public service...

Leave voters insist on still paying mobile roaming charges

"What has the EU ever done for us?" Biff Bifshop demanded.Draped in a St George flag and holding a readiness to perform fellatio on Nigel Farage if the opportunity ever presents, Biff knows a...

Rochdale woman not ready to tell friends she’s “OK thanks, bbz”

A Rochdale woman today refused to confirm whether she was alright or not, following a passive aggressive cry for attention on Facebook. The woman, 32 year old Helen, posted a Facebook status at 8.06am saying...

Nigel Farage rumoured to replace Nigel Farage as UKIP leader

Nigel Farage's successor will be announced at UKIP's Bournemouth conference tomorrow but a party insider has let slip that his replacement will be Nigel Farage."It's going to be Nigel" said Arthur Brane, Chairman of...

Chris Evans to host new BBC bake off show

Red headed billionaire Christopher Evans has been confirmed as the new host of the Beeb's brand new baking show designed to take the place of their previous smash hit since losing the rights to...

Something..something..Dark Side….Head of Trade Federation Calls For Single Market Military

Supreme Chancellor Juncker addressed the Galactic Council yesterday to bring them up to date with current events relating to their Trade Federation.He said the Separatist movement headed by Jedi Master Count Farage was now...

Shops barely containing their desire to unload Christmas tat

Rochdale trading standards office has revealed it has been inundated with complaints about retailers desperate to begin selling their Christmas wares. Officer Colin McNigelson told the Herald that this past weekend has seen complaints about...

Flag waving celebration of mythical empire shouldn’t be ruined by cheap politics

The Last Night at the Proms, an event where ex public school toffs wave the Union Flag in celebration of a completely made up version of history, is being hijacked by cheap politics says...

Goldie melts down OBE to replace pawned gold tooth

DJ and alleged actor, Goldie, has vowed to melt down his MBE under the guise of moral outrage about some club somewhere closing down.The Rochdale Herald however managed to track down Simon Drake, a...

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