Smiling woman

Woman appalled by Alabama abortion laws ‘sort of aware’ of Northern Ireland

LLocal woman Mia Wombley has been telling everyone she knows about the horrendous new legislation in Alabama.  Local senators, duelling their banjo strings, have asserted the importance of men to control women's...

Harry and Meghan to take holiday from going on holiday

The palace has revealed this morning that plans are in place to give the Duke and Duchess of Sussex a well deserved break from constantly going on completely free five star holidays...
Meghan and Harry

Prince Harry and Meghan to get holiday from going on holiday

The palace has revealed this morning that plans are in place to give the Duke and Duchess of Sussex a well deserved break from constantly going on completely free five star holidays...
Space Rocket

Israel launches airstrike on anti-semitic moon after spacecraft crash

The first privately funded mission to the moon has had an apparent failure resulting in a crash. The Israeli spacecraft called Beresheet had been sent on a mission to...

Fillies to continue racing as outbreak confirmed as equine equivalent of ‘man flu’.

Initial reports that all racing in the U.K. was to be suspended have proved to be unfounded after vets have confirmed that the outbreak is merely 'stallion flu', the equivalent of 'man flu'. "They aren't...

Twats on train don’t know they’re twats

A large group of noisy twats on a train from London to Yorkshire are apparently unaware that they are all colossal twats. The group, who appear to be actors...
Prince Philip

Prince Philip declared fit to work by Atos

Prince Philip has been declared fit for work by Atos less than an hour after he was involved in car accident earlier today. Officials said "that despite being...
Couple with dog

Possible to know same amount about Brexit by trying to hide from it as...

As you stagger to the bathroom in the morning, arriving before you remember you have knees, and try to get all your strikingly yellow piss in the bowl, even though you're a...

Jeremy Clarkson’s views are irrelevant say other ageing xenophobic white people

Daily Express readers were quite literally fuming yesterday after tall gammon icon and keen casual racist Jeremy Clarkson referred to Brexit voters as 'coffin dodging idiots'. The newspaper Facebook comments page was awash with furious...

Saudi Women win right to be dumped by text

In a landmark ruling in Saudi Arabia women have finally won the right to be dumped by text message. The victory follows the incredible shift in policy in the...

If sausage rolls were made out of Piers Morgan we’d make an exception, confirm...

Vegans around the UK have unanimously voted to have Piers Morgan reclassified as a vegetable so that they can murder and eat him, according to reports. The news comes...
Piers Morgan

Piers Morgan furious after discovering Buffalo Wings don’t contain Buffalo

Piers Morgan took to Twitter today to denounce a popular fast food chain after discovering that its Buffalo Wings don't contain any Buffalo at all. Mr Morgan accused the...

Poll shows only 20% of American 7-year-olds believe in Donald Trump

A survey conducted by the Maryland Institute of Toddlerdom (MIT) yesterday proved that while 60 per cent of 7 year olds in the USA believed in Santa Claus, 80 per cent refuted utterly the...
Brussels Cathedral

New Year to be rung in with chimes of Brussels Cathedral

Engineers have said it is unlikely they will be able to restore the chimes of Big Ben in time for New Year's Eve. Chief Engineer Kevin Phillips-Bong told us "We have a problem with...

Dipshit to argue with Thicko about terrible idea

A thicko has accepted a dipshit's challenge of a debate on the telly to sort of discuss how best to implement a dreadful idea. The thicko had previously claimed he couldn't do the debate because...

Zuckerberg didn’t appear UK hearing as he only responds to being “Poked” on Facebook

Mark Zuckerberg didn't attend a hearing in the United Kingdom because he would like to be informed via digital poke A Parliamentary spokesman said, "Mark Zuckerberg is a hard individual to get ahold of. The...

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