Piers Morgan

Piers Morgan furious after discovering Buffalo Wings don’t contain Buffalo

Piers Morgan took to Twitter today to denounce a popular fast food chain after discovering that its Buffalo Wings don't contain any Buffalo at all. Mr Morgan accused the...
Sadiq Khan

Sadiq Khan cracks down on junk food ads as thinner children harder to stab

Mayor plans to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London. Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, today announced a plan to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London. The Mayor said "Almost 40 per...

Harry and Meghan to take holiday from going on holiday

The palace has revealed this morning that plans are in place to give the Duke and Duchess of Sussex a well deserved break from constantly going on completely free five star holidays...

Specialists called in after Yorkshireman with Aussie flu says “G’day mate”

A Yorkshire man has been rushed to hospital after it was suspected he had the most serious strain of the Aussie flu virus known in the country. Stan Dupp, a recruiment consultant from Harrogate, was...

US celebrates after number of days so far this year overtakes number of mass...

Despite this mornings massacre in Virginia, Americans are celebrating today as June 1st marks 152 days into the year and only 150 mass shootings. "It's super! I genuinely can't remember the last time the number...

Jeremy Clarkson’s views are irrelevant say other ageing xenophobic white people

Daily Express readers were quite literally fuming yesterday after tall gammon icon and keen casual racist Jeremy Clarkson referred to Brexit voters as 'coffin dodging idiots'. The newspaper Facebook comments page was awash with furious...

Five Guys make creamy mess all over Nigel Farage

A fresian of excitement has gripped Newcastle over the last few days, with the news that Nigel Farage would be visiting. The Brexit Party leader has been credited for realising politics cud...

Saudi Women win right to be dumped by text

In a landmark ruling in Saudi Arabia women have finally won the right to be dumped by text message. The victory follows the incredible shift in policy in the...
Smiling woman

Woman appalled by Alabama abortion laws ‘sort of aware’ of Northern Ireland

LLocal woman Mia Wombley has been telling everyone she knows about the horrendous new legislation in Alabama.  Local senators, duelling their banjo strings, have asserted the importance of men to control women's...

Knob-head hand gesture at lowest levels since records began

A recent poll has revealed that this once loved insult has seen a sudden decline in use, and could be completely extinct by the year 2025. For years, the simple hand gesture was a staple...

Clean-shaven white van man obviously failed by mental health services

A clean-shaven, white man has been arrested outside a Mosque in Finsbury, London, after his van veered off the road and directly into eleven bearded brown men. Reports are sketchy currently, but using information pieced...
Downing Street

Shitheads get new jobs

London - A bunch of irrelevant shitheads all got new jobs today in London. Theresa May is currently reshuffling the pack of lizards who would eat her babies if she had any in an attempt...

Labour voter’s sciatica cured after Corbyn hug

Rochdale Labour voter Kyle Henderson has told the Herald how his sciatica was cured after he hugged Jeremy Corbyn at a Labour election rally. Mr Henderson has spent the past 3 years unable to straighten...

Labour Party pledge to make it cheaper for young people to get stabbed on...

The Labour Party has announced a new policy that will allow young people to get stabbed on night buses much more cheaply. Labour spokesman, Stan Still said, "Under the Tories young people have increasingly been...

Poll shows only 20% of American 7-year-olds believe in Donald Trump

A survey conducted by the Maryland Institute of Toddlerdom (MIT) yesterday proved that while 60 per cent of 7 year olds in the USA believed in Santa Claus, 80 per cent refuted utterly the...
Couple with dog

Possible to know same amount about Brexit by trying to hide from it as...

As you stagger to the bathroom in the morning, arriving before you remember you have knees, and try to get all your strikingly yellow piss in the bowl, even though you're a...

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