Vegans around the UK have unanimously voted to have Piers Morgan reclassified as a vegetable so that they can murder and eat him, according to reports.

The news comes after gammon enthusiast, Piers Morgan, attacked a Greggs vegan sausage roll for containing insufficient amounts of suffering.

“The only humane thing to do would be to chop Piers Morgan into tiny little pieces and eat him.” A spokesman for the Vegan Society told The Rochdale Herald.

“Humans are animals too so think of the suffering they have to go through reading Piers Morgan’s twitter feed. Can you imagine what Susannah whatsherface on This Morning Britain has to go through everyday?”

“Piers has the IQ of an asparagus, so it’s not much of a leap to have him legally reclassified as vegan friendly food, stuff him into a sausage roll and sell him at Greggs.”

The move has garnered cross party support.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.