A Rochdale man has been found alive and well living in Panama after apparently faking his own death in a canoeing accident at Greenbooth Reservoir.

Steve Dickinson, 43 and a bit, was tracked down by private investigators living in Panama after photos emerged of him buying an apartment in Panama City.

Mr Dickinson is believed to have fled the country under an assumed name after his Mum asked him to help her set up her new iPhone.

“I was feeling pretty desperate.” Mr Dickinson told Lancashire immigration authorities.

“It’s an iPhone X and I was going to have to help her set up the thumbprint id thingy. We only just finished setting up her iPhone 7.”

Mr Dickinson is believed to have had some kind of psychotic break with reality when his Mum revealed that she didn’t know her Apple ID and hadn’t backed up her last phone in more than 4 years.

“The last thing I remember I was standing in my Mum’s kitchen, next thing I know I’m six thousand miles away working as a docker in Panama City under an assumed name.”

Mr Dickinson’s mum is said to be thrilled to have her son back as the clock on the microwave needs resetting.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.