The A1(M) between Aberford and Durham has been officially redesignated the Dominic Cummings Expressway in recognition of its primary purpose of conveying the ‘Special’ Advisor to the Prime Minister wherever the fuck he wants to go (usually Durham).

“It only seems right” said Chief Transport Minister Carr Fewmes.

“The main purpose of this section of the A1(M) has been to allow Dom unrestricted access to his family while other people have been burying theirs.”

“However, if as seems likely, hus political career has crashed and burned on this road like James Dean in a Porsche Spyder, we may need to add the word ‘Memorial’ before ‘Expressway’.

We contacted Comedic Dummings for comment but were informed he had gone to look at some bluebells in Bishop Auckland.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.