Local Man PROMISES he’s only drinking Strongbow Dark Fruit ‘because it’s sunny’
A local man has insisted that he doesn't normally drink Strongbow Dark Fruit, but when it's sunny outside 'everybody does it'.
Usually opting for an...
Ecuadorian Ambassador contacts No. 10 “We are here if you need us”
The Ecuadorian embassy has reached out to 10 Downing Street from its Knightsbridge address to tell Ms May, "We are here if you need us".
The...
Chuka Umunna banned from Coventry Laser Quest for crashing children’s parties
MP for Streatham, Chuka Umunna, has been forcibly removed from a branch of Laser Quest in Coventry for reportedly trying to join numerous children's...
Confusion as Trump blames The Who for Coronavirus pandemic
US President Donald Trump caused a wave of confusion and condemnation earlier today, when it was announced that he would be cutting funding to British rock...
Queen celebrates being 22 in lizard years
The Queen has celebrated being 22 in lizard years today.
David Attenborough was there to capture the celebrations and was able to give the...
‘It’s pronounced KWINAH, you pretentious f*ckwits’ confirms Quinoa
Middle class consumers were left reeling today after one of the much beloved 'super foods' they incessantly extol the virtues of confirmed that everyone...
Woman appalled by Alabama abortion laws ‘sort of aware’ of Northern Ireland
LLocal woman Mia Wombley has been telling everyone she knows about the horrendous new legislation in Alabama. Local senators, duelling their banjo strings, have...
Only a good guy with a nuclear weapon can stop a bad guy with...
The only way to stop a bad guy with a nuclear weapon is a good guy with a nuclear weapon. That's according to the...
Night tube wonderful, say apprentice journalists through gritted teeth
Scores of young, underpaid trainee journalists have been drowsily typing up their reviews of the night tube over the last two mornings as their...
Windsor council workers sledging to work on frozen homeless people
Councillors in Windsor have been seen sledging using the frozen bodies of homeless people.
One told us, "The council wanted them all removed for the...
Airlines grounded for Black Death containment
Jeremy Rhymes-With has ordered the gargantuan and wealthy NHS to enact its Black Death emergency plan.
Most of the staff were just weaving baskets anyway...
Standard government response to petitions revealed to be – F&@k off Plebs
The trend in starting parliamentary petitions seems finally to be tapering off. We asked serial petition-starter Si Neer why he thinks that might be:
"It's...
Rupert Murdoch’s face breaks ageing app
Media tycoon and ancient demonic scrotum, Rupert Murdoch has broken viral photo editor FaceApp, attempting to see what his face would look like in...
Oven ready chicken refuses to leave fridge
Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than 'that Turkey Corbyn', the world's largest chicken has refused to leave a...
Panic over as Daily Mail assures everyone the fridge wasn’t bought by a white...
The Mail-online has sought to reassure readers that it was a slack-jawed, lazy, drunken black man who bought the fridge that started the Grenfell...
Internet user deliberately clicks on pop-over advert and makes history
A man from Bury in Lancashire has deliberately and purposefully clicked on a pop up ad that covered the entirety of the content he...
