Nuclear Bomb

Only a good guy with a nuclear weapon can stop a bad guy with...

The only way to stop a bad guy with a nuclear weapon is a good guy with a nuclear weapon. That's according to the Iranian Government anyway. In a speech a spokesman said, "Iraq, Syria,...

Government Agrees Government Should Spy On You

After a thorough and totally independent investigation by the Government, the Government has found that it is indeed right for the Government to spy on everyone, just as the Government has said all along. The...

Leave voters incensed as EU threatens to take away Continental summer weather

Leave voters voiced their anger today as the EU threatened to take away the Continental weather that sees England baking in sunshine and heat normally only felt on package holidays in Continental Europe. Jean-Claude Junker...

House of Commons Toilets to Close in wake of Fabric Closure

After the closure of the famous London nightclub Fabric by Islington council, due to people taking drugs there, it was announced today that the the toilets in the House of Commons are also to...

Trump tells G7 steel tariffs will ensure weapons used for mass slaughter will be...

Donald Trump has announced that steel and aluminium import tariffs will mitigate concerns that the Assault Rifles used in mass shootings recently have not been American enough. An NRA spokesman said, "The most concerning...

Rochdale woman not ready to tell friends she’s “OK thanks, bbz”

A Rochdale woman today refused to confirm whether she was alright or not, following a passive aggressive cry for attention on Facebook.  The woman, 32 year old Helen, posted a Facebook status at 8.06am saying...
Daily Mail Readers

Panic over as Daily Mail assures everyone the fridge wasn’t bought by a white...

The Mail-online has sought to reassure readers that it was a slack-jawed, lazy, drunken black man who bought the fridge that started the Grenfell tower blaze. The 'news source' which has access to files that...

Shops barely containing their desire to unload Christmas tat

Rochdale trading standards office has revealed it has been inundated with complaints about retailers desperate to begin selling their Christmas wares.  Officer Colin McNigelson told the Herald that this past weekend has seen complaints about...
Piers Morgan

Piers Morgan furious after discovering Buffalo Wings don’t contain Buffalo

Piers Morgan took to Twitter today to denounce a popular fast food chain after discovering that its Buffalo Wings don't contain any Buffalo at all. Mr Morgan accused the...

Trump and Kim Jong Un to meet on Love Island

A rearranged summit between Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un will take place on Love Island.  The news comes amid speculation that a high ranking military official from North Korea is visiting the US in...

Galloway Still Not Gone Away

Scotland's answer to Simon Danczuk, George Clementine Galloway, is inexplicably in the news again despite not being on Celebrity Big Brother.  The ex-Labour MP and reality TV fuckwit has made headlines after his pseudo...

Man who doesn’t support party leader confused by people not supporting party leader 

Bespectacled centrist Labour Party leadership candidate Owen Smith has questioned whether or not the audience at a Glasgow hustings were "entryists." This was because the audience laughed when he said that the Scottish Labour Kezia...

Electoral Reform Society mislays dictionary

The Electoral Reform Society has admitted they've lost the Collins Gem dictionary they had lying around the office a few weeks ago, making them unable to check the definition of the word "Lies". This...
Freddie Mercury and Brian May

Revelation as Mercury rises for blue plaque

Freddie Mercury, lead singer of rock sensations Queen, has been commemorated with a blue plaque at his former family home in Feltham.  However, in a surprising revelation, online newspaper Getwestlondon.co.uk have confirmed what many of...

There should be a free press like that Iranian TV channel I work for,...

Jeremy Corby has announced plans to shake up the media and make it more sympathetic to him and the Labour Party going forward. The plans were announced today by the most glorious, principled, caring...
New Year Eve Party

Do we really, really, really have to go out, asks everyone

Everybody in the UK has collectively asked if they really, really, really have to go out now that they've gone through the fun bit of getting ready. People around the country who are about to...

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