Britain buoyed by approval of Autumn Olympics

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There were wild scenes of celebration from keen athletics fans up and down the UK this morning, as the head of the Seasonal Olympics...
London Marathon

Confusion and Discomfort as Marathon forces Londoners to support and talk to one another

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Mass confusion ensued at the London Marathon today, as London dwellers cast off their stony facades and began to talk to one another. 'I started...

Nick Clegg to run for leadership of Libdems

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Nick Clegg has announced his intention of running for the leadership of the Liberal Democrats following the shock resignation of Tim Farron. In a speech...
Prince Philip

Prince Philip declared fit to work by Atos

Prince Philip has been declared fit for work by Atos less than an hour after he was admitted to hospital yesterday. Officials said "that...

It’s impossible to sandpaper a netball, concede Australians

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Long standing dominance of sport by Australia and New Zealand ended by incredible English performance Some say Australian carpentry skill brings them closer to Christ....
Ski Trip

Momentum members take comfort from prospect of cheaper ski holidays

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Whenever election results don't go as hoped, there is always a chance that the downhearted will become the outright depressed.  Fortunately, Momentum organiser Mia...
Viagra

Sale of over-counter Viagra faces stiff opposition

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The Women's Institute are lobbying  the Health Secretary demanding that Viagra only be available through prescription and after consultation with a Doctor. Recent changes bought...

Specialists called in after Yorkshireman with Aussie flu says “G’day mate”

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A Yorkshire man has been rushed to hospital after it was suspected he had the most serious strain of the Aussie flu virus known...

Shops barely containing their desire to unload Christmas tat

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Rochdale trading standards office has revealed it has been inundated with complaints about retailers desperate to begin selling their Christmas wares.  Officer Colin McNigelson told...

Danczuk not immolated in Bonfire accident

Rochdale Herald readers will be disappointed to hear that the rumours that pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk MP immolated himself lighting a bonfire in July...

Definitely no division in Tory Party, says independent and unbiased media 

There aren't any massive splits over the subject of Brexit or abandoned economic plans within the Conservative Party, reported media outlets through their silence...
Boris Johnson

For Fuck’s Sake, sighs Britain

The entire United Kingdom muttered "for fuck's sake" in unision yesterday afternoon after learning that Boris Johnson has been "elected: new Conservative leader and...

The Rochdale Herald’s top 10 tips for hating Meghan Markle

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The Daily Mail and The Daily Express have today announced that Britons will be expected to devote as much as 14 hours a day...

‘It’s pronounced KWINAH, you pretentious f*ckwits’ confirms Quinoa

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Middle class consumers were left reeling today after one of the much beloved 'super foods' they incessantly extol the virtues of confirmed that everyone...
David Davis

David Davis tells Select Committee the dog ate his Brexit Impact Assessment

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David Davis, the Secretary for Probably Exiting the European Union, has confirmed to the House of Lords Select Committee that he has definitely done...

Entire Tory Party arrested in clampdown on middle class cocaine users

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The Conservative Party is facing a huge crisis today after its entire membership was arrested during a clampdown on middle class cocaine users. PC Drug-Bust...

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