Donald Trump to appoint Mr Muscle™ as his new Coronavirus advisor
In a move that has been described as both "batshit crazy" and "utterly, utterly mental", US President Donald Trump has revealed plans to appoint...
Vegetable that looks like Prince Charles discovered on Rochdale allotment
A Rochdale man has spoken to us about vegetable he has found that looks remarkably like Prince Charles.
Bill Board told us, "It was last...
Confusion and Discomfort as Marathon forces Londoners to support and talk to one another
Mass confusion ensued at the London Marathon today, as London dwellers cast off their stony facades and began to talk to one another.
'I started...
Armed Republican men protesting being told what do with their bodies
Heavily armed pro-life nitwits across America have taken to the streets in protest in being told to stay at home to save lives.
The crowds...
If sausage rolls were made out of Piers Morgan we’d make an exception, confirm...
Vegans around the UK have unanimously voted to have Piers Morgan reclassified as a vegetable so that they can murder and eat him, according...
Local Man PROMISES he’s only drinking Strongbow Dark Fruit ‘because it’s sunny’
A local man has insisted that he doesn't normally drink Strongbow Dark Fruit, but when it's sunny outside 'everybody does it'.
Usually opting for an...
Night tube wonderful, say apprentice journalists through gritted teeth
Scores of young, underpaid trainee journalists have been drowsily typing up their reviews of the night tube over the last two mornings as their...
Greater Manchester Road Planning Department forced to resit Key Stage One after failing finger...
Following recent criticism of the Greater Manchester Road Network, Manchester City Council conducted an audit of the qualifications of the staff employed in the...
A1 to Durham renamed The Dominic Cummings Expressway
The A1(M) between Aberford and Durham has been officially redesignated the Dominic Cummings Expressway in recognition of its primary purpose of conveying the 'Special'...
NHS gift vouchers to become nation’s favourite christmas stocking fillers
People up and down the country will be able to show their loved ones how much they care by buying gift vouchers for NHS...
“It’s time to take back control”, writes The Queen
One's elected representatives are a complete shambles, One writes. One will not invite any of the proffered candidates to form a government. Instead one...
It’s impossible to sandpaper a netball, concede Australians
Long standing dominance of sport by Australia and New Zealand ended by incredible English performance
Some say Australian carpentry skill brings them closer to Christ....
Five Guys make creamy mess all over Nigel Farage
A fresian of excitement has gripped Newcastle over the last few days, with the news that Nigel Farage would be visiting. The Brexit Party...
Alabama legislature confirms blacks still welcome to get abortions or be shot by police
Emergency session of Alabama state legislature passes important exemption
In an emergency session of the Alabama state legislature, State Senator Garlan Gudger proposed an amendment...
Britain’s first halal food bank to open in Rochdale
News that the UK's first halal food bank is to open in Rochdale this week was greeted enthusiastically by local residents and village elders...
Death, Taxes and Rail Fare rises
A report issued by the TUC today shows that rail fares are rising twice as fast as commuters levels of despair. The trades union...
