Prince Philip declared fit to work by Atos
Prince Philip has been declared fit for work by Atos less than an hour after he was admitted to hospital yesterday.
Officials said "that...
Gavin Williamson declares war on schools
Former Defence Secretary, Gavin Williamson has declared war on schools mere hours after being appointed Education Secretary.
His secret plan, which he immediately leaked, is...
Queen celebrates being 22 in lizard years
The Queen has celebrated being 22 in lizard years today.
David Attenborough was there to capture the celebrations and was able to give the...
Chuka Umunna banned from Coventry Laser Quest for crashing children’s parties
MP for Streatham, Chuka Umunna, has been forcibly removed from a branch of Laser Quest in Coventry for reportedly trying to join numerous children's...
Cabinet to wear face masks during Cobra meeting as precaution against Coronavirus
The prime minister and senior members of the cabinet are to wear full face masks during today's Cobra meeting to decide whether to bring...
Tommy Robinson fisted by pensioner in prison shower
IReports from Belmarsh are that Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, the tiny provocateur with the Timmy Mallet inspired pseudonym has been fisted. One fist from a pensioner...
Cat who shit in litter tray lined with Daily Mail appointed editor
A cat who took a poo in a litter tray lined with a copy of the Daily Mail has been named as new editor...
E. Begum granted permission to return to Rochdale from that there Yorkshire
E. Begum should be allowed to return to Rochdale to fight the decision to remove her rights to live on our side of the...
Do we really, really, really have to go out, asks everyone
Everybody in the UK has collectively asked if they really, really, really have to go out now that they've gone through the fun bit...
Standard government response to petitions revealed to be – F&@k off Plebs
The trend in starting parliamentary petitions seems finally to be tapering off. We asked serial petition-starter Si Neer why he thinks that might be:
"It's...
Woman appalled by Alabama abortion laws ‘sort of aware’ of Northern Ireland
LLocal woman Mia Wombley has been telling everyone she knows about the horrendous new legislation in Alabama. Local senators, duelling their banjo strings, have...
Jesus slammed for not following government advice after going out and getting hammered
A 33 year old man from Galilee has been criticised by the GNP, Greater Nazareth Police, after reportedly having a massive dinner party with...
Win Win Win with The Herald! We are giving away year’s free membership to...
That's right it's not a typo, we are feeling generous today at The Herald after an out of court settlement with them southern softies...
Flag waving celebration of mythical empire shouldn’t be ruined by cheap politics
The Last Night at the Proms, an event where ex public school toffs wave the Union Flag in celebration of a completely made up...
Twats on train don’t know they’re twats
A large group of noisy twats on a train from London to Yorkshire are apparently unaware that they are all colossal twats.
The group, who...
Labour Party pledge to make it cheaper for young people to get stabbed on...
The Labour Party has announced a new policy that will allow young people to get stabbed on night buses much more cheaply.
Labour spokesman, Stan...
