The Conservative Party are to replace their established ‘oak tree’ logo with a graphic representation of Priti Patel’s smirking face, the Herald can reveal.
The new logo, which will feature a close-up of the smirk on a red, white and blue background, is due to be revealed at a press conference later this afternoon and is expected to be adopted by the Party nationally by the middle of next week.
“I think it’s a clever move,” said PR consultant, Will Touchwood.
“The Tories adopted the oak tree as their logo in 2006 because it represented strength, endurance and growth, but over the past few years they’ve demonstrated about as much strength, endurance and growth as a pensioner’s penis on a cold January morning.
“Priti Patel’s smirk, however, is an astonishingly accurate representation of current Conservative Party values – the total disdain for moral decency, the embrace of ignorance as a strength rather than a weakness, the misplaced confidence of an incompetent bully who knows that if they make a mistake they can always fall back on the accumulated wealth of other people.
“Other than just writing ‘We’re a shower of cunts’ on the front of a Union flag, I can’t think of a more perfect way to depict the modern Tories.”
Whilst most of the Tory membership have expressed support for the new design, opinion has been divided amongst some of the older members.
“Priti Patel? Phwoar!” said Tory voter Reginald Gumption, 78. “I’ve not been this tumescent since Thatcher took milk away from all of those scrounging school children back in the 1970’s.
“Now there’s a woman who would deport her own parents if it gave her career a boost and I bet she’d have that foxy smirk on her face the whole time, the saucy minx.”
Gumption’s wife, Penelope, 74, was less sure about the new logo, however, and suggested that an alternative design might have been more appropriate.
“I’m not racist or anything but I just don’t understand why they couldn’t have used a smirk belonging to someone who looked a bit more, you know, British,” she told our reporter.
“That nice young Mr. Rees-Mogg, for example, now there’s an English boy who can look smug as you like but you don’t have to worry about him stealing a job from a British person.”
When asked how much the re-branding was likely to cost the Party, a spokesman for Patel said it would likely be in the region of “Three hundred thousand and thirty-four, nine hundred and seventy-four thousand pounds”.