Conservatives to trial ‘career houses’

The new Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Damien Green, unveiled the plans earlier today in parliament. The policy, which will see families currently claiming out of work benefits moved into special 'career houses'...

Religious leader applauds honour killing in US

A religious leader in the US has taken to social media to applaud the heroic martyrdom of a mother shot by police after executing her daughters to prevent them bringing shame upon their family. The...

Thomas Cook passengers choosing ride share with refugees rather than Ryanair

Thomas Cook, one of the world's oldest travel providers has gone into liquidation, meaning thousands of job losses and over a hundred thousand holidays cancelled with British citizens already on holiday stranded. Keith Entwistle of...

Knob-head hand gesture at lowest levels since records began

A recent poll has revealed that this once loved insult has seen a sudden decline in use, and could be completely extinct by the year 2025. For years, the simple hand gesture was a staple...
Piers Morgan

Piers Morgan furious after discovering Buffalo Wings don’t contain Buffalo

Piers Morgan took to Twitter today to denounce a popular fast food chain after discovering that its Buffalo Wings don't contain any Buffalo at all. Mr Morgan accused the chain of pandering to the, "PC...

Panic grips nation as Britain realises Boris is in charge

Supermarkets across the land are fast running out of canned goods and bottled water and survivalist websites across the world are crashing as thousands of terrified yet stoic Britons rush to build fall out...

Anglican bishop changes Facebook relationship status to – it’s complicated

Bishop of Grantham Nicholas Chamberlain this morning changed his Facebook relationship to: "it's complicated!" Although being in a relationship with a man he stresses that this is a celibate relationship, and his relationship with...
Couple with dog

Season your pets before leaving them in a hot car

do With temperatures hitting 30°C across the nation, dog owners have been warned to pay special attention to their four legged friends. Each year the RSPCA recieves dozens of complaints of animals locked in hot cars,...

Catholic Priests in Ampleforth School Kiddy Fiddling Shocker

In shock revelations that will shake the Roman Catholic Church to its very foundations, stories are emerging alleging child sex abuses and so called "kiddy-fiddling" at Ampleforth School. What are certain to be the very...

Internet user deliberately clicks on pop-over advert and makes history 

A man from Bury in Lancashire has deliberately and purposefully clicked on a pop up ad that covered the entirety of the content he was trying to view. "I couldn't believe it," said Wesley Peabody,...

‘It’s pronounced KWINAH, you pretentious f*ckwits’ confirms Quinoa

Middle class consumers were left reeling today after one of the much beloved 'super foods' they incessantly extol the virtues of confirmed that everyone has been pronouncing its name incorrectly. Long pronounced Keen-warh by people...

Man Wastes Full Day watching repeats of Come Dine with Me

Distraught butcher Brendan Slaughter from Wigan was mortified to learn that it was 9:00pm last Sunday night when he had work at 5:00am.  "I was fuming" he said. "I've not had a day off in...

Burnley Lidl selling Father’s Day Cards in packs of five

With Father's Day fast approaching, supermarkets and stationary stores across the country are displaying cards and gifts for children to give to their father this Sunday. Burnley Lidl has raised a few eyebrows with its five card bundle offer.

Beards officially still cool – says man with beard 

It's the news every streetwise hipster has been waiting for and today a man from London has confirmed that beards are still the must have essential accessory of the moment. For many years just acceptable...

Conservative Party logo to be replaced with picture of Priti Patel’s smirk

The Conservative Party are to replace their established 'oak tree' logo with a graphic representation of Priti Patel's smirking face, the Herald can reveal.   The new logo, which will feature a close-up of the smirk...

Specialists called in after Yorkshireman with Aussie flu says “G’day mate”

A Yorkshire man has been rushed to hospital after it was suspected he had the most serious strain of the Aussie flu virus known in the country. Stan Dupp, a recruiment consultant from Harrogate, was...

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