Burnley Lidl selling Father’s Day Cards in packs of five

With Father's Day fast approaching, supermarkets and stationary stores across the country are displaying cards and gifts for children to give to their father this Sunday. Burnley Lidl has raised a few eyebrows with its five card bundle offer.
Boris Johnson

For Fuck’s Sake, sighs Britain

The entire United Kingdom muttered "for fuck's sake" in unision yesterday afternoon after learning that Boris Johnson has been "elected: new Conservative leader and will become the next UK prime minister.

Joe Swanson elected leader of the Liberal Democrats

The popular ex-policeman is predicted to cause almost as many people to support the Lib Dems as the leaders of the Labour and Conservative parties.  Swanson has appeal across the political spectrum:

Dipshit to argue with Thicko about terrible idea

A thicko has accepted a dipshit's challenge of a debate on the telly to sort of discuss how best to implement a dreadful idea. The thicko had previously claimed he couldn't do the debate because...
Ann Widdecombe

Anne Widdecombe symbolically frees her slave

Following her first speech in the European Parliament, we have avoided the term 'maiden speech' as all her speeches are maiden, Anne Widdecombe has acted decisively. In order not to be accused of hypocrisy when...

Convertible car owner not as smug after leaving the top down last night

Sandra Numpton of Heywood has spent the last few days driving around in her convertible Mini Cooper, sun glasses on, hair in the wind, the Summer chart toppers blaring out through her car stereo. "It's...

US celebrates after number of days so far this year overtakes number of mass...

Despite this mornings massacre in Virginia, Americans are celebrating today as June 1st marks 152 days into the year and only 150 mass shootings. "It's super! I genuinely can't remember the last time the number...

4,000 job cuts at HSBC after Columbian drug cartels move accounts to Barclays

HSBC has told investors today that around 2% of the company's workforce will be made redundant with the focus on anybody who hasn't got a membership at his golf club. The news follows the departure...

Tommy Robinson fisted by pensioner in prison shower

IReports from Belmarsh are that Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, the tiny provocateur with the Timmy Mallet inspired pseudonym has been fisted.  One fist from a pensioner was all it took to send him to...
Dinner party group

Local woman wins award for most middle class comment 2016

A local woman has won Rochdale's coveted "Most Middle Class Comment 2016" at a dinner party this weekend. Barbara Dickinson was attending a dinner party at a friend's second holiday home (well, strictly speaking third)...

Five Guys make creamy mess all over Nigel Farage

A fresian of excitement has gripped Newcastle over the last few days, with the news that Nigel Farage would be visiting. The Brexit Party leader has been credited for realising politics cud...

Knob-head hand gesture at lowest levels since records began

A recent poll has revealed that this once loved insult has seen a sudden decline in use, and could be completely extinct by the year 2025. For years, the simple hand gesture was a staple...

Rupert Murdoch’s face breaks ageing app

Media tycoon and ancient demonic scrotum, Rupert Murdoch has broken viral photo editor FaceApp, attempting to see what his face would look like in 40 years. Developers say the app was "not designed to undertake...

Amateur Orthopaedic Surgeon not as good as expert – concedes Brexit voter sick of...

Following months of "expert fatigue" the British public may now be prepared to start listening to people who know what they're fucking talking about. Following last months decision to leave the EU by the British...

Europol warns of New Wave jihadis

Jihadis are entering the country on false passports according to Europol, heralding a New Wave.  Since the uproar regarding burkhinis on the beautiful beaches of Rochdale, citizens of the borough have been on their guard,...

Herald wins “Satirical Web Page of the Year”

It's a day of celebration at the Rochdale Herald as we are delighted to announce we have won Satirical Web Page of the Year beating off stiff competition from Newsthump, The Daily Mash, The...

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