Cat who shit in litter tray lined with Daily Mail appointed editor
A cat who took a poo in a litter tray lined with a copy of the Daily Mail has been named as new editor...
Panic grips nation as Britain realises Boris is in charge
Supermarkets across the land are fast running out of canned goods and bottled water and survivalist websites across the world are crashing as thousands...
Young people cause cancer Daily Mail warns
The Daily Mail has exclusively revealed that British youth is causing cancer.
In its article on the subject the Mail pointed out that British youths...
Harry and Meghan to take holiday from going on holiday
The palace has revealed this morning that plans are in place to give the Duke and Duchess of Sussex a well deserved break from...
It’s impossible to sandpaper a netball, concede Australians
Long standing dominance of sport by Australia and New Zealand ended by incredible English performance
Some say Australian carpentry skill brings them closer to Christ....
Poll shows only 20% of American 7-year-olds believe in Donald Trump
A survey conducted by the Maryland Institute of Toddlerdom (MIT) yesterday proved that while 60 per cent of 7 year olds in the USA...
Tommy Robinson fisted by pensioner in prison shower
IReports from Belmarsh are that Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, the tiny provocateur with the Timmy Mallet inspired pseudonym has been fisted. One fist from a pensioner...
Oven ready chicken refuses to leave fridge
Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than 'that Turkey Corbyn', the world's largest chicken has refused to leave a...
Specialists called in after Yorkshireman with Aussie flu says “G’day mate”
A Yorkshire man has been rushed to hospital after it was suspected he had the most serious strain of the Aussie flu virus known...
Jesus slammed for not following government advice after going out and getting hammered
A 33 year old man from Galilee has been criticised by the GNP, Greater Nazareth Police, after reportedly having a massive dinner party with...
Boris Johnson gets into Christmas spirit by ordering massive census and slaughter of children
Boris Johnson has finally got into the spirit of Christmas by ordering a massive census of everybody in the UK and slaughtering all of...
House of Commons Toilets to Close in wake of Fabric Closure
After the closure of the famous London nightclub Fabric by Islington council, due to people taking drugs there, it was announced today that the...
Posh people forced to talk about football while England still in World Cup
Ex-Public School boys and Hooray Henry's are having to talk about football and they aren't enjoying it. Whether they're at work, on the golf...
Jeremy Clarkson’s views are irrelevant say other ageing xenophobic white people
Daily Express readers were quite literally fuming yesterday after tall gammon icon and keen casual racist Jeremy Clarkson referred to Brexit voters as 'coffin...
Far Right groups threaten to tear down statues of Prophet Mohammed
Far right groups have pledged to tear down all statues of the Prophet Mohammed following the recent scoop in the Daily Express that the...
Mcdonalds to stop giving away assault rifles in Happy Meals in some US states
Four states in America have stopped giving away free assault rifles with every Happy Meal deal as a direct response to KFC banning knives...
