Knob-head hand gesture at lowest levels since records began

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A recent poll has revealed that this once loved insult has seen a sudden decline in use, and could be completely extinct by the year 2025. For years, the simple hand gesture was a staple...

Conservative Party logo to be replaced with picture of Priti Patel’s smirk

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The Conservative Party are to replace their established 'oak tree' logo with a graphic representation of Priti Patel's smirking face, the Herald can reveal.   The new logo, which will feature a close-up of the smirk...
Ann Widdecombe

Anne Widdecombe symbolically frees her slave

Following her first speech in the European Parliament, we have avoided the term 'maiden speech' as all her speeches are maiden, Anne Widdecombe has acted decisively. In order not to be accused of hypocrisy when...

A1 to Durham renamed The Dominic Cummings Expressway

The A1(M) between Aberford and Durham has been officially redesignated the Dominic Cummings Expressway in recognition of its primary purpose of conveying the 'Special' Advisor to the Prime Minister wherever the fuck he wants...

Tommy Robinson thrown out of restaurant after complaining about ‘Allah Cart’ menu

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Tommy Robinson has been thrown out of a restaurant in Oldham after a campaign event today after starting a row with the manager over their 'Allah Cart' menu. MEP candidate and part time mortgage fraudster,...

E. Begum granted permission to return to Rochdale from that there Yorkshire

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E. Begum should be allowed to return to Rochdale to fight the decision to remove her rights to live on our side of the Pennines, the Court of Appeal has ruled. Ms Begum, now 20,...

Dipshit to argue with Thicko about terrible idea

A thicko has accepted a dipshit's challenge of a debate on the telly to sort of discuss how best to implement a dreadful idea. The thicko had previously claimed he couldn't do the debate because...
Top Hats

Posh people forced to talk about football while England still in World Cup

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Ex-Public School boys and Hooray Henry's are having to talk about football and they aren't enjoying it. Whether they're at work, on the golf course or at the Polo, the only available topic of...

Vegetable that looks like Prince Charles discovered on Rochdale allotment

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A Rochdale man has spoken to us about vegetable he has found that looks remarkably like Prince Charles.  Bill Board told us, "It was last Saturday that I found it. I saw it sticking out...

Anger as Dominic Raab claims Hitler salute came from TV sitcom ‘Allo Allo!’

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Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab prompted fresh criticism today after claiming that the 'Hitler salute' frequently used by members of the far-right was 'just a bit of fun' that originated from the 1980's TV sitcom...

Trump and Kim Jong Un to meet on Love Island

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A rearranged summit between Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un will take place on Love Island.  The news comes amid speculation that a high ranking military official from North Korea is visiting the US in...

Jeremy Clarkson’s views are irrelevant say other ageing xenophobic white people

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Daily Express readers were quite literally fuming yesterday after tall gammon icon and keen casual racist Jeremy Clarkson referred to Brexit voters as 'coffin dodging idiots'. The newspaper Facebook comments page was awash with furious...
Britain First

Far Right groups threaten to tear down statues of Prophet Mohammed

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Far right groups have pledged to tear down all statues of the Prophet Mohammed following the recent scoop in the Daily Express that the founder of Islam had owned slaves. Angry person on the internet...

Thomas Cook passengers choosing ride share with refugees rather than Ryanair

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Thomas Cook, one of the world's oldest travel providers has gone into liquidation, meaning thousands of job losses and over a hundred thousand holidays cancelled with British citizens already on holiday stranded. Keith Entwistle of...
Boris Johnson

For Fuck’s Sake, sighs Britain

The entire United Kingdom muttered "for fuck's sake" in unision yesterday afternoon after learning that Boris Johnson has been "elected: new Conservative leader and will become the next UK prime minister. Divisive lying shitweasel and...
Trump Golf Twitter

Trump accused of damaging reputation of fat, racist golfers everywhere

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Donald Trump has been asked to give up golf as he is tarnishing its reputation and attracting the wrong type of people into the game. Fat, white, affluent, vaguely racist, middle-aged golfers are appalled...

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