Brexit Party candidate apologises for not wearing poppy on his Nazi uniform

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Brexit Party candidate Graham Cushway has been forced to issue an apology after being spotted without a Remembrance Day poppy on his Luftwaffe uniform. Mr...
Scientists

‘How many roads must a man walk down before he can call himself a...

Researchers have proved that the number of roads a man must walk down before you call him a man is greater than, or equal...

Young children advised to wash hands after licking floors, walls, windows, banister rails and...

Young children around the UK have been advised that the best way to stop the spread of Coronavirus is by thoroughly washing their hands...

Twats on train don’t know they’re twats

A large group of noisy twats on a train from London to Yorkshire are apparently unaware that they are all colossal twats. The group, who...
Ann Widdecombe

Anne Widdecombe symbolically frees her slave

Following her first speech in the European Parliament, we have avoided the term 'maiden speech' as all her speeches are maiden, Anne Widdecombe has...

Anglican bishop changes Facebook relationship status to – it’s complicated

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Bishop of Grantham Nicholas Chamberlain this morning changed his Facebook relationship to: "it's complicated!" Although being in a relationship with a man he stresses...

Thomas Cook passengers choosing ride share with refugees rather than Ryanair

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Thomas Cook, one of the world's oldest travel providers has gone into liquidation, meaning thousands of job losses and over a hundred thousand holidays...

Joe Swanson elected leader of the Liberal Democrats

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The popular ex-policeman is predicted to cause almost as many people to support the Lib Dems as the leaders of the Labour and Conservative...

Britain buoyed by approval of Autumn Olympics

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There were wild scenes of celebration from keen athletics fans up and down the UK this morning, as the head of the Seasonal Olympics...
Boris Johnson

For Fuck’s Sake, sighs Britain

The entire United Kingdom muttered "for fuck's sake" in unision yesterday afternoon after learning that Boris Johnson has been "elected: new Conservative leader and...

Night tube wonderful, say apprentice journalists through gritted teeth 

Scores of young, underpaid trainee journalists have been drowsily typing up their reviews of the night tube over the last two mornings as their...

Corbyn Sits Down for the Working Class…..Again…..

Spending a football match without a seat, crushed up against other supporters in the stand, or crouched uncomfortably in the gangway is an all-too-absolutely-never-happens...

Labour Party pledge to make it cheaper for young people to get stabbed on...

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The Labour Party has announced a new policy that will allow young people to get stabbed on night buses much more cheaply. Labour spokesman, Stan...

Travel Chaos Hailed as “Complete Success” by French.

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French authorities today claimed that their test of the post-Brexit border checks was a complete success, with motorists in Kent delayed for hours and...

Beards officially still cool – says man with beard 

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It's the news every streetwise hipster has been waiting for and today a man from London has confirmed that beards are still the must...

Ecuadorian Ambassador contacts No. 10 “We are here if you need us”

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The Ecuadorian embassy has reached out to 10 Downing Street from its Knightsbridge address to tell Ms May, "We are here if you need us". The...

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