A clean-shaven, white man has been arrested outside a Mosque in Finsbury, London, after his van veered off the road and directly into eleven bearded brown men.

Reports are sketchy currently, but using information pieced together from other reputable news papers such as the Mail, Sun, Express and we can piece together a picture.

– The Clean-Shaven white man’s van injured ten bearded brown men and killed one other, when it ran off the road and into the crowd leaving a mosque.

– White terrorism isnt a thing, so we can only assume the steering on the van malfunctioned or the clean-shaven white man was mentally ill at the time and thus failed by the completely rubbish NHS; which the conservatives are right to ignore.

– The eleven bearded brown men were leaving a mosque where they were learning about the radical teachings of Islam. That is the only teaching given in mosques. We know this because The Daily Mail likes to suggest so.

– The Imam of the mosque stopped the public from coming to the aid of the clean shaven white man and tried to radicalise him before our brave police officers arrived to take him to get the care he needs.

Support and solidarity in the wake of the incident is pouring in on social media. Tracy Bifferson wrote on the Britain First page,

“Its orful wot hapend to him i wasnt there and i have neva met him but hes white and clean shaven so hes obvs a salt of the earth guy hew has been let down by the guverment”

The twitter tag “Pray to the Christian God for the clean shaven white man” has started to trend.

No statement of unity has been made by the three million Muslims living in the UK; proving how careless and unwilling they are to adapt to British values.

A solidarity march and torch light vigil is expected to take place outside the mosque tonight, organised by members of the EDL.

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.