A cat who took a poo in a litter tray lined with a copy of the Daily Mail has been named as new editor of the paper, and will replace Geordie Greig later this year.

The 9-year old tabby, Walter Croncat, is a well regarded psychopath and manipulative bastard well known locally for killing songbirds and loudly fighting other cats in the street at 3am.

Lord Rothermere, chairman of the Mail’s owner DMGT, confirmed the appointment, praising Mr Croncat as an “outstanding candidate”.

“We’re unclear on Walter Croncat’s position on Brexit but we do know that he’s a territorial bastard who bit the ear off a Persian who tried to get in his garden last week. If that doesn’t qualify him for the job I don’t know what does.”

The public have been equally pleased with Walter’s contribution to the Mail.

“Walter’s poo in Thursday’s edition of the paper was the most sensible thing that’s been in the Daily Mail for decades.” Mr Croncat’s owner told The Rochdale Herald.

“His contribution certainly shits all over their previous efforts at journalism.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.