Boris Johnson has said that Britain shouldn’t be ashamed about the BBC’s decision to spend £250m on non-existent PPE for the Last Night of the Proms.

Mr Johnson said, “We should be proud that the BBC bought a load of non-existent PPE from a company that sells second hand dolls because the Director General is mates with the companies owner. It was the sort of decision that I can applaud as it stops people talking about that exam thingy the other week. Anyway, I’ve heard the BBC intends to replace Songs of Praise with Gary Linekers’ guide to mosques.”

A spokesman told us, “This whole row has been excellent for the Government. It’s stopped everyone talking about how utterly inept and corrupt we are. I mean, we tried threatening people with being invaded by brown folks from France. That normally works but the exams thing just wouldn’t go away. This Proms thing has really helped as it totally takes attention from us.”

Mr Johnson later told us, “Whiff-whaff, Latin, brrrth, whaff-whiff, fight them on the beaches.”

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.