Airlines grounded for Black Death containment

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Jeremy Rhymes-With has ordered the gargantuan and wealthy NHS to enact its Black Death emergency plan. Most of the staff were just weaving baskets anyway...
Blackhole

Physicists discover Brexit actually a black hole that feeds on political parties

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The astrophysics world has been in overdrive this week at the announcement of a newly discovered black hole located somewhere over the English Channel. The...
Finger painting

Greater Manchester Road Planning Department forced to resit Key Stage One after failing finger...

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Following recent criticism of the Greater Manchester Road Network, Manchester City Council conducted an audit of the qualifications of the staff employed in the...

Flag waving celebration of mythical empire shouldn’t be ruined by cheap politics

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The Last Night at the Proms, an event where ex public school toffs wave the Union Flag in celebration of a completely made up...
Theresa May (licence)

Scientists discover creature smaller than Theresa May’s credibility.

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Biologists wielding enormous magnifying glasses today discovered a newt thought to be the world's smallest living thing. This infinitesimal being has been proved by scientists...

Electoral Reform Society mislays dictionary

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The Electoral Reform Society has admitted they've lost the Collins Gem dictionary they had lying around the office a few weeks ago, making them...
Surprised Santa

The Big Fat Secret Santa Appeal – 1,600 gifts bought in 48 hours

Two days ago we launched our Big Fat Secret Santa appeal with the wonderful guys and girls at NewsThump, Southend News Network, Angry People...
Downing Street

Shitheads get new jobs

London - A bunch of irrelevant shitheads all got new jobs today in London. Theresa May is currently reshuffling the pack of lizards who would...

GCSE Results Spell Success for Dyslexic Pupils

Students at Maple Hayes Dyslexia Scool in Lichfield have been celebrating incredible GCSE exam success. While many students couldn't read or write when they first...

Yeah, well I didn’t want an election anyway, so ner, huffs ridiculous man child

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The degradation of formerly Great Britain continued this week, with the news that Boris Johnson has again failed in his attempt to call a...

Queen celebrates being 22 in lizard years

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The Queen has celebrated being 22 in lizard years today. David Attenborough was there to capture the celebrations and was able to give the...

Windsor council workers sledging to work on frozen homeless people

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Councillors in Windsor have been seen sledging using the frozen bodies of homeless people. One told us, "The council wanted them all removed for the...

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