Tim Farron, Leader of the Liberal Democrats is set to resign his position after an embarrassing swing in his constituency, that saw him slimmly re-elected with only 700 votes.

The Westmoreland and Lonsdale MP lost a previous huge majority to the conservative candidate and a giant fish finger.

“I’ve decided to resign from leadership of the Lib Dems” said Mr Farron.

“The election proved to be damaging to me and my party due to a ridiculous claim that I am illiberal because of my Christian beliefs. You just have to look at my voting record to know the truth.”

The deeply religious Mr Farron is referring to an incident during hustings, where he was pressured to answer whether he believed gay sex to be a sin. And about twenty seven different interviews in which he couldn’t quite answer no.

To be fair, he did say once something very close to,

“In America you have to pretend to have a religion in order to get elected. Or be orange. In this country you have to pretend not to maybe agree with the DUP on issues of morality.”

When asked what he intends to do after relinquishing his leadership position, Mr Farron replied,

“I’m to spend the season in the mountains of Texas, watching over sheep with just one special friend for company. We have a tent. A pair of steeds. A VHS player and a pirated copy of “Brokeback Mountain”. We have all we could need.

I believe nature, solitude and fellowship will help me to reflect on my views and beliefs; I may possibly return with a new enlightened outlook.”

We asked if Mr Farron had any words for the party he has expressed a deep love of throughout his political career, to which he said,

“I wish I could quit you.”

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.