Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than ‘that Turkey Corbyn’, the world’s largest chicken has refused to leave a fridge in a hospital in Leeds. With shocking fowl language, a representative for the chicken said that he remained oven ready, but had not quite plucked up the courage to leave the fridge.
Representatives for the chicken have continued to offer a series of poultry excuses, reminding voters that there is more than one word for a rooster. Which is also a word for a Johnson. We understand Piers Morgan was very upset to be denied the opportunity to interview his fellow cock.
Voters have suspected for weeks that the chicken’s oven ready credentials relied upon an injection of Russian support, suggesting that if Ukraine your neck you can see he’s really a Kiev. Chicken representatives have angrily denied this, arguing that even if there were garlic up the PM’s bum, which there isn’t, removing that French influence is part of why we must get Brexit done.
The chicken remains convinced that voters will continue to back the only party not to get Brexit done as being the only viable party to get Brexit done. On that basis, the chicken intends to remain in the fridge for the rest of the election.
Unless anyone suffering the ultimate consequence of Conservative cuts to the NHS needs the space that is.