Burnley Lidl selling Father’s Day Cards in packs of five

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With Father's Day fast approaching, supermarkets and stationary stores across the country are displaying cards and gifts for children to give to their father this Sunday. Burnley Lidl has raised a few eyebrows with its five card bundle offer.

Confusion as Trump blames The Who for Coronavirus pandemic

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US President Donald Trump caused a wave of confusion and condemnation earlier today, when it was announced that he would be cutting funding to British rock...

Standard government response to petitions revealed to be – F&@k off Plebs

The trend in starting parliamentary petitions seems finally to be tapering off. We asked serial petition-starter Si Neer why he thinks that might be: "It's...

Government Agrees Government Should Spy On You

After a thorough and totally independent investigation by the Government, the Government has found that it is indeed right for the Government to spy...

Greta Thunberg releases Scandinavian Death Metal album.

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The music world has been surprised by the release of an album by Greta Thunberg and the Prophets of Doom, a new death metal...

Conservatives to trial ‘career houses’

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The new Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Damien Green, unveiled the plans earlier today in parliament. The policy, which will see families currently...
Daily Mail Readers

Panic over as Daily Mail assures everyone the fridge wasn’t bought by a white...

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The Mail-online has sought to reassure readers that it was a slack-jawed, lazy, drunken black man who bought the fridge that started the Grenfell...
Prince Philip

Prince Philip declared fit to work by Atos

Prince Philip has been declared fit for work by Atos less than an hour after he was admitted to hospital yesterday. Officials said "that...

“It was exhausting, sweaty, and one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced,” says...

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The Coronavirus responsible for the current global pandemic, Covid-19, has described its recent infection of Prime Minister Boris Johnson as "exhausting, sweaty, and one...
Space Rocket

Israel launches airstrike on anti-semitic moon after spacecraft crash

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The first privately funded mission to the moon has had an apparent failure resulting in a crash. The Israeli spacecraft called Beresheet had been sent...

Armed Republican men protesting being told what do with their bodies

Heavily armed pro-life nitwits across America have taken to the streets in protest in being told to stay at home to save lives. The crowds...

‘Human Ken Dodd’ reveals inspiration behind unique look

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After undergoing five surgeries, changing his name by deed poll and buying a feather duster, there's no denying that Barry Conroy now bears more...

Cat who shit in litter tray lined with Daily Mail appointed editor

A cat who took a poo in a litter tray lined with a copy of the Daily Mail has been named as new editor...

Five Guys make creamy mess all over Nigel Farage

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A fresian of excitement has gripped Newcastle over the last few days, with the news that Nigel Farage would be visiting. The Brexit Party...

Leave voters insist on still paying mobile roaming charges

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"What has the EU ever done for us?" Biff Bifshop demanded. Draped in a St George flag and holding a readiness to perform fellatio on...

World Health Organisation upgrades five-second rule to three seconds rule

The World Health Organisation has taken the unprecedented step of upgrading the five-second rule to just three seconds. As the deadly Coronavirus pandemic sweeps the...

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