Nigel Farage’s successor will be announced at UKIP’s Bournemouth conference tomorrow but a party insider has let slip that his replacement will be Nigel Farage.

“It’s going to be Nigel” said Arthur Brane, Chairman of the Anti: anti-racism comittee. “He’s been meeting with other party members and was nominated in a secret ballot under an alias. It was back when he had that tash, remember?”

Serial quitter and Thunderbird puppet, Nigel Farage, said; “It’s all heresy. Complete nonsense. The frontrunner is a handsome moustacheod fella called Michael Barrage I believe”. Whilst winking and smiling inanely.

If Mr. Farage does become leader the bookies are offering 11/5 on an imminant resignation.

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