The popular ex-policeman is predicted to cause almost as many people to support the Lib Dems as the leaders of the Labour and Conservative parties.  Swanson has appeal across the political spectrum:

“Well, he’s a family guy,” said Head of Rochdale Neighbourhood Watch Annette Curtain, “and Boris, well, he’s more of an other people’s families’ guy.”

Whereas, “the Lib Dems did more than anyone to support austerity with its crippling effects on benefits for people with disabilities, oh, no, not him, not one in a chair, damn it,” was the furious reaction from definitely not worried Corbynite Arron Irrelevanti.

Swanson was elected leader on a landslide, and his slogan “Brexit, it’s wheely bad!” is already appearing on out of order lifts across the country.  Asked to explain his appeal, the self-effacing MP said:

“Some people say I’m half a person, a second class citizen, because I’m in this chair.  But are their attacks on me any different to what they would do if I was a woman?”

“We don’t need to appeal to the votes of people like that.  Britain still has enough sensible people left in it to unify in opposition to hate.  To oppose Brexit, an invalid decision based on electoral fraud and ignorance allied to racism and fear.  To stop the economy being crippled faster than if GDP faced off against The Grinch, tripped on a roller skate and slid off a roof – and believe me, I know plenty about that.”

Labour Leader The Grinch was unavailable for comment.