Mayor plans to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London.

Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, today announced a plan to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London. The Mayor said “Almost 40 per cent of London’s children aged 10 and 11 are overweight or obese. So I’m proposing to ban adverts from junk food from our entire Tube, bus and tram network to reduce the pressure on children and families to make unhealthy choices.”

Whilst cheap junk food can seem like a short term money saver, over time it can cause greater expense. For example, greater surface area requires more soap to wash, particularly when combined with increased sweating. But the Mayor cites new research revealing a link to one of London’s most troubling trends.

“If you’re fat, it’s simply harder to run away. Research shows fat kids simply can’t get away from danger easily. It makes them easier to stab. Even if the kid trying to stab them is malcoordinated, they are a bigger target, harder to miss.”

Dissenting voices in the capital have called for greater support for amateur sports clubs trying to provide sporting opportunities for kids. But although this may also help kids shift fat, the Mayor claims his research shows this will be outweighed by the corresponding increase in coordination.

“There’s a benefit too for adults in thinner kids taking up less space. But no one wants them to be too coordinated, remember we have to fight them off when they are a bit older,” said the Mayor.

The programme was criticised by Americans who have never visited London, who claim a reduction in both fatties and dreadful food will increase the number of boroughs they consider to be “no go” areas.

SHARE
Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?