The trend in starting parliamentary petitions seems finally to be tapering off. We asked serial petition-starter Si Neer why he thinks that might be:

“It’s very exciting when you’re sharing a petition and as it gets closer to ten thousand signatures you realise that the government will respond.”

“Unfortunately their response is always Fuck off plebs.”

But what of the huge petitions, like the one asking for a second referendum that garnered more than 4 million signatures or the petition to prevent Donald Trump getting a state visit that pulled in 1.8 million?

“That’s totally different. If you get a hundred thousand scribbles parliament promises to consider it for debate. Only the answer there is always. ‘We considered it: Fuck off, plebs.’ So you see there is a pattern forming.”

Si’s latest petition ‘Ensure Parliament Gives A Shit About The Electorate For A Frigging Change,’ is struggling to get past 100 but Si seems strangely content.

“Oh, I totally bought into the idea that a bunch of rich, public school, pocket-liners might actually listen to us,” he says, “but now I realise it’s just like buying a Lotto ticket: you spend a few days in fantasy land, imagining what it’s like to matter and then crash back to reality just in time to get pissed up on Saturday night and forget everything.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.