Engineers have said it is unlikely they will be able to restore the chimes of Big Ben in time for New Year’s Eve.
Chief Engineer Kevin Phillips-Bong told us “We have a problem with the governing Keighley sprocket disengaging from the Gruber trunnion. This means the Uberschlager gearing is not connecting properly. Or, in proper engineering terminology ‘the bugger’s fucked’.”
In an attempt to placate the EC into letting us keep Gibraltar or something, Theresa May announced that Brits will this year sing ‘Auld Lang Syne’ as the BBC broadcasts the bells of St Michael and St Gudula, Brussels.
“Obviously with the time difference, we are asking U.K. citizens to celebrate at 11 p.m. in a unique example of Brexit moving things forward.” said the lame-duck Prime Minister.
Official spokesman for the New Year, Jools Holland said ‘Makes no difference to me, New Year will be what it’s always been. Me playing spurious boogie over a laboured cover version featuring a soul singer everyone thought was dead, and Ruby Turner. Hootenanny, you groovy fuckers.”