The Daily Mail and The Daily Express have today announced that Britons will be expected to devote as much as 14 hours a day to hatred of Meghan Markle by the year 2021. Many people have been left wondering how they will ever comply with such a requirement. Well, fear not dear readers. The Rochdale Herald is here to provide you 10 tips to improving your Meghan hating game.
- Set your alarm clock to go off 30 minutes earlier than usual. People are extremely busy these days so one sure way of being able to get more hatred in is to get up earlier. Plus, 30 minutes of Meghan hatred is really beneficial and carries way more health benefits than masturbation.
- Take out a subscription to The Daily Express and Daily Mail. It’s difficult to sustain the correct level of hatred when all you have is Meghan having worn the same dress twice in a month. With a newspaper subscription you’ll be able to keep up with the latest ways Meghan has horrified the nation. Just remember, you need to make out that you came to your conclusion independently and you’re not the sort of drone who just does things because tabloid newspapers tell you to.
- Use your time more effectively. If you’re in the shower write all the reasons you hate Meghan into the steam on your bathroom window.
- If you have children or grandchildren try to incorporate Meghan hatred into play. For instance, get your children to make potato faces based on Meghan then set fire to them. It’ll bring you all together as a family as well.
- Start attending Meghan hatred sessions at branches of Wetherspoons. It’s a great way to swap ideas on what Meghan has done now and pick up some hints on how better to channel your hatred.
- Join a choir. These are really popular and after a few weeks you could introduce some of your self-penned songs. This way you can take your message of hatred for Meghan to small provincial shopping centers.
- Ignorance is bliss. Imagine how much it would pain Meghan to know that you have no idea who she is. Whenever her name is mentioned just pretend you have no idea who she is. Note, this isn’t effective if your Meghan hatred shrine in your house is on full view.
- Become a Diana obsessive and turn every conversation to how Diana was perfect and so is Kate and that Meghan could never live up to the image of Diana. It’s definitely not weird to compare a woman you’ve never met to her dead mother in law who you’ve never met.
- Adopt a bitch from the Dogs Trust and name it Meghan. Then have it put down.
- Never ever let traitorous lefties tell you you’re racist. You’re hatred is for legitimate reasons and you’d hate Meghan for turning Prince Harry into Princess Harry even if she was white.
Tomorrow in The Rochdale Herald. The best noxious substances to send through the post.