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Warren Peace

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A country full of religious crackpots shouldn’t have nuclear weapons, says country full of...

A country full of religious crackpots and nuclear weapons has condemned another country full of religious crackpots for pressing on with their nuclear programme. Hassan...

Fifty Shades Of Grey to become the government’s new race relations manual

We’ve all heard the expression about not judging a book by its cover, but one of the most notorious books of the current decade...

Brutus advises senators to get behind Caesar

Marcus Brutus has urged the Roman senate to show support for their leader Julius Caesar. Addressing the press at a conference outside the Senate, he...
Donald Trump

Moron says something moronic

A moron has uttered a statement that is totally devoid of intelligence, it has emerged. The exact words used in this situation concerned a...
Guns

Why does this keep happening, asks country selling guns without doing background checks

A country who sells weapons over the counter to anybody who wants one is stumped at how it can be home to so many...
Ryanair

Ryanair admit their trial of pilotless planes hasn’t gone exactly as planned

Ryanair have admitted that their latest cost-cutting measure, planes without pilots, has not been a complete success. The airline, famed for its no-frills stance, with...

Rogue State Threatens World Peace By Threatening To Totally Destroy North Korea

A rogue nation, governed by a lunatic, could be about to start a nuclear war on North Korea. The country, known in its native tongue...

Boris Johnson Sits In With Infant School Maths Class, Answers 350 Million To Every...

Boris Johnson seems to have a one-track mind when it comes to numbers. While visiting an infants’ school in Rochdale, he sat in on...
Donald Trump

Donald Trump blames it on the sunshine, the moonlight and the good times

Donald Trump is blaming pretty much everything for his sudden lack of a sex-life, it has emerged. Sources close to the president have informed the...

First shipment of British thoughts and prayers arrives in Barbuda

A cargo plane has touched down in Barbuda, carrying the first consignment of thoughts and prayers from the people of Britain. The jet touched down...

Self Proclaimed Lennon Fan Actually Knows More McCartney Songs

A man who claims to prefer John Lennon to Paul McCartney actually knows more of the latter’s songs, it has emerged. Music fan Lennie Payne...
Kate Middleton

Bloke In A Pub Claims Responsibility For Royal Pregnancy

A bloke in a pub has claimed that the Duchess of Cambridge’s unborn child is his, reports have confirmed. Unemployed Willie Eckerslike, 42, from Rochdale,...
Michael Gove

Michael Gove concedes sushi made from poisonous blowfish should be made by an expert

Michael Gove, the man who claimed Britain had “had enough of experts” would appear to have at least some time for them, at least...
William Shatner

William Shatner fired from Trump Biopic for not having big enough ego

It’s not often you hear William Shatner’s ego described as “too small”, but that’s the complaint being made by the producers of his latest...
Confused business people

Conservative MPs unable to point to their constituency on a map

A recent survey has revealed that a staggering 89% of Tory MPs are unable to findtheir constituency on a map. The survey results, which were...
Queue

Border Free Travel sounds like a good idea, says Brexit voter who queued four...

A Brexit voter who spent four hours queueing in passport control has suggested that maybe border free travel in Europe is a good thing. Jo...

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