Friday, August 17, 2018
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Warren Peace

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Brian Cox

Donald Trump’s ego biggest object in known universe, says Professor Brian Cox

Science - Astronomers have the identity of the biggest object in the known universe, and it's not your average - or even above-average -...

Scientists confirm autocorrect was inverted by a cult

A group of scientists have today confirmed what we have all long believed, that autocorrect was inverted by a cult. Professor Gerald Wiley spoke to...

“I don’t believe in that fat old man in the dodgy suit” says Santa...

Father Christmas has come out in a blistering denunciation of Donald Trump today, stating categorically that he doesn't believe in him. In an interview with...

Online petition to impeach Trump gets 6 billion signatures in 24 hours

An online petition requesting that Donald Trump be removed from office has got 6 billion signatures from around the world within 24 hours of...

Mother of three who has finished her Christmas shopping and bought all of the...

A woman was rushed to hospital this week suffering from a rare allergic reaction to being overtly smug after completing all her food and...

Trump demands phone number for Ghostbusters after being visited by three spirits

President of the United States of America, Donald Trump is demanding to know how to get in touch with the Ghostbusters, it has been...
Christmas Tree Family

And now we watch it die, parents tell children after choosing Christmas tree

Families up and down the country are in the slow process of watching their Christmas trees die after putting them up in their living...
Dinosaur Meteor

Dinosaurs deny existence of meteorite impact assessment

The dinosaurs today issued a statement in response to the challenge that they release their assessment on what would happen if the planet was...
White House Nativity

Official White House Nativity scene to feature baby Jesus with Trump’s face

The first image of the official White House nativity scene has been released, and it is already causing quite a stir. Every character in the...
Hobnobs

McVities recall 100,000 packets of Hobnobs after putting chocolate on wrong side

Biscuit giant McVities have issued an urgent product recall of their chocolate hobnob range, after it was found that a recent batch of the...
Trump Tick

Twitter removes blue tick from Donald Trump’s account

In the latest shake-up to twitter's format, the website have taken to removing the ticks from people for various reasons. Hatemongers have been particularly...

Aung San Suu Kyi surrenders Freedom of Dublin refusing to share the honour with...

Burmese leader Aung San Suu Kyi has given up her Freedom of the city of Dublin in protest at sharing the distinction with Bono,...
Fireworks

Arseholes unaware it’s not the Fifth of November

Arseholes up and down the country are unaware that it is not the fifth of November, it has been confirmed. From London to Liverpool, the...

Collins Dictionary compilers to take course in basic arithmetic after calling ‘fake news’ the...

Lexicographers who compile the Collins English Dictionary have been signed up en masse for a course in basic arithmetic, it has been revealed. The move...

Having dodgy dealings with corrupt foreign dictators is only bad when Hillary does it,...

Having Dodgy dealings with corrupt foreign dictators is only a bad thing when it is done by the likes of Hillary Clinton, Fox News...

Simon Cowell’s stairs win Brit Award for outstanding contribution to music industry

Simon Cowell’s stairs have received a Brit Award for their outstanding contribution to the music industry after the reality TV star was found unconscious...

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